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Today, I was shopping with my boyfriend, when he suggested that I might want to buy a new loofah. When I asked why, he admitted he's been using it to scrub his ass crack for weeks. I use that loofah to wash my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18131) - you deserved it (1603)
On 09/16/2012 at 3:48pm - health - by Derp McShitstain (woman) - United Kingdom (St. Helens)
Today, I was finally paid back by a friend who wrote a check out. Not really looking at it, I went to the bank to deposit it. As I handed it to the teller, I noticed that he had written "sex" in the "for" memo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14652) - you deserved it (2390)
On 09/16/2012 at 9:46am - money - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was called into my son's school because he had got into a fist-fight with another pupil and I had to take him home. He clammed up about the reason behind the fight, until I finally managed to coax it out of him: the other kid is in "Hufflepuff" and he's in "Ravenclaw." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17685) - you deserved it (2690)
On 09/13/2012 at 10:31am - kids - by PissOffPottermore (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It would have been a lot sexier had our chihuahua not decided to rim his ass as he thrust into me, causing him to break out into a case of the giggles. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16938) - you deserved it (4047)
On 09/13/2012 at 1:30am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I learned that I'm expecting twins. A boy and a girl. My husband, upon finding out about this, immediately suggested that we give them Star Wars names. But not Luke and Leia. Oh no. He wants to name them Darth and Vayda. And he is absolutely serious about this. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17414) - you deserved it (2591)
On 09/12/2012 at 3:03am - kids - by AGeeksWife (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I was pulled over. The cop stated that he "couldn't see" me because I had "blended in with the dark car background", and that it looked like no one was driving. I was literally pulled over for being black. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36521) - you deserved it (2906)
On 09/12/2012 at 3:00am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I was sitting at a bus stop reading a book when out of the corner of my eye I spotted a middle-aged lady in a leopard-skin coat stumble up to me. She stopped, belched twice, and unleashed a torrent of red wine colored vomit onto my bag. It was 8:45 am. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16664) - you deserved it (743)
On 09/11/2012 at 9:32am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, while trying to change my visiting cousin's opinion about our state being "redneck and white trash", we stumbled upon a proposal/celebration in a Walmart. So much for changing her opinion. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11714) - you deserved it (2335)
On 09/10/2012 at 8:48am - misc - by liquidknight - United States
Today, I realized how much it sucks to have the same name as my dad when I overheard my mom moan his name in bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31123) - you deserved it (1396)
On 09/08/2012 at 7:38am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I wanted to take a bubble bath with the jets in the bath that I haven't used in years. When I got in, it took me a while to realize that the jets had squirted out slime and a family of unidentifiable bugs that have probably been living there for years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17423) - you deserved it (7184)
On 09/06/2012 at 2:38am - misc - by juliannamelissa - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. Right as she orgasmed, she screamed out Megatron's name. When I later confronted her about this, she said that she always had a crush on him and wanted to be queen of the Decepticons. I've been dating this lunatic for a year and half now. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12461) - you deserved it (15233)
On 09/03/2012 at 9:02pm - intimacy - by Loserbot (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my boyfriend and I were watching TV and there were penguins laying eggs. He said, "Penguins are mammals, they don't lay eggs." I replied, "Penguins are birds." We fought about it for ages until he realised that I was right, and has since stopped talking to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15334) - you deserved it (1540)
On 09/02/2012 at 8:10pm - animals - by difference between birds and mammals. - Australia
Today, after a visit with my mom, I started feeling sick. I meant to send her a text asking if she had gotten sick lately, but I accidentally sent a text asking if she had gotten dick lately. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19239) - you deserved it (2958)
On 09/02/2012 at 7:47pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was feeling depressed and got very, very drunk. This evening, I was feeling equally desperate, and ended up having to get my special dildo removed from my asshole at the hospital. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9011) - you deserved it (28976)
On 08/31/2012 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by pride? what's that? :( (woman) - Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant)
Today, I had my boss over for dinner. Knowing that I was angling for a promotion, my fifteen-year-old son spent the dinner uttering lines such as "What's the point of showering before bed?" and "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." My boss was not impressed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14933) - you deserved it (2851)
On 08/31/2012 at 7:16pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Monday 20 May 2013
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