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Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
Today, my son got suspended from school. He's in kindergarten. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20547) - you deserved it (4918)
Today, my boyfriend was dropping me off home and we were still in the car. When I went in to give him a hug, my hand hit his shoulder and I dropped my phone at his feet. Just as I pulled back up with it, my dad was staring at us from outside. He still appears to think I was giving him head. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24449) - you deserved it (2035)
On 12/11/2012 at 2:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, my dog did something I had no idea he could do. He participated in an all-male three-way at the dog park. In front of everyone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15577) - you deserved it (1483)
On 12/10/2012 at 7:04pm - animals - by MoreActionThanMe - United States
Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time; he asked me to explain my interest in dating her. In a mix of me trying to say "I want to be with your daughter" and "I want to be in your daughter's life" I got confused and said, "I want to be in your daughter." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25656) - you deserved it (5292)
On 12/10/2012 at 2:21am - love - by Tonguetied0496 (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was sitting cross-legged, idly jerkin' the gherkin. I guess I got slightly carried away, because I zoned out, forgot where I was aiming, and came all over the side of my face, up my nose and into my eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7361) - you deserved it (50175)
On 12/09/2012 at 11:57am - intimacy - by SamWGovan (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, my pregnant girlfriend gave me back the ring I'd used to propose with a week ago. Her reason? She only said yes because she was worried the real father of the baby wasn't going to stick around. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31631) - you deserved it (272)
On 12/05/2012 at 5:52am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, during a conversation, my boss said, "What, what?" Before I could stop myself, I replied, "In the butt." FML
I agree, your life sucks (9463) - you deserved it (19021)
On 12/04/2012 at 9:43pm - work - by whitecollar - United Kingdom (York)
Today, my boyfriend discovered how to make me queef on demand when he has his fingers inside me. I now feel like my love life has been replaced with fart sounds. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20680) - you deserved it (2246)
On 12/03/2012 at 1:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, I realized that the comforting, unique scent of my mother in my childhood was actually the smell of the marijuana she smokes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20869) - you deserved it (2060)
On 11/29/2012 at 10:35pm - misc - by childhoodupinsmoke (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I'm recovering in the emergency room. How did I get here? Intoxicated at a coed party, I saw a hole in the host's shed and thought it funny to christen it a "glory-hole", only to be bitten by what may well have been a black widow spider. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4310) - you deserved it (29137)
On 11/28/2012 at 1:09pm - health - by Widowmaker - United States (Nevada)
Today, I was watching a video from the 80s on sexual dysfunctions, and I noticed that one of the boys in the film looked strangely like my dad when he was younger. After a little investigation, I now know that in his youth, my dad had a crippling masturbation problem. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29569) - you deserved it (2075)
On 11/27/2012 at 4:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)
Today, I was enjoying a nice bath, when one of my cats jumped up on the rim and started purring. I thought it was sweet, until my other cat ran in and body-slammed the first into the tub with me. Being a conscientious cat owner, I hadn't de-clawed them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16151) - you deserved it (4986)
On 11/27/2012 at 2:52pm - animals - by Neutered (man) - United States (Alaska)
Today, after having finally kicked my insomnia's ass after three hours, I was woken up by something I only thought happened in movies. Someone had paid for a Mariachi band to play for their girlfriend, outside my apartment, in the middle of the night. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17214) - you deserved it (1002)
On 11/23/2012 at 5:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my cat was too overweight to get out of the litter box, so he gave up, and went to sleep. I had to pick him up out of his own waste and clean him up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8179) - you deserved it (14778)
On 11/23/2012 at 10:10am - animals - by Jeanna S. - United States
Today, my girlfriend dared me to put on her bra and panties and give her a lap dance. Feeling spontaneous, I decided to do it. Just as I was getting really into it, she told me I was on webcam for all her friends. Apparently it was a contest of who had their boyfriend the most whipped. She won. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36435) - you deserved it (9574)
On 11/23/2012 at 1:14am - intimacy - by Embarassed (man) - United States (Washington)
Monday 20 May 2013
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