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Consolation prize
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
Today, I saw my best friend, who's a cop. He was dressed up in regular clothes and with six other guys. I said, "Officer T.? Didn't you have work today?" Turns out he was undercover, and I blew his investigation. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15075) - you deserved it (36598)
On 07/01/2012 at 4:45am - misc - by immabitch - United States
Today, I learned that I do not possess the upper body, core, or leg strength to hold my girlfriend up during sex. I simultaneously collapsed and dropped her onto her coffee table. We are now both being treated at the hospital; her for glass wounds, me for a concussion. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10614) - you deserved it (18373)
On 06/29/2012 at 4:47am - intimacy - by bob (man) - United States (California)
Today, I found out that the only way I can convince my husband to start working out is by convincing him that we are training for when the "zombie outbreak" happens. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14831) - you deserved it (2377)
On 06/28/2012 at 7:44pm - misc - by zombieguyswife (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, my grandmother said she's noticed that I've been very angry lately. She came to the conclusion that I "haven't been laid enough" and my boyfriend is "not doing his job." Thanks Grandma. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17844) - you deserved it (3019)
On 06/27/2012 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by RatCityChick - United States (Washington)
Today, I had to have a long and awkward meeting with my boss. It wouldn't have been too awkward though, if I didn't have to avoid staring at her exposed breast whilst she fed her 8 week old baby. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17365) - you deserved it (3501)
On 06/27/2012 at 6:32am - work - by Wubba87 (man) - United Kingdom (Liverpool)
Today, I went to the bookstore and saw a stunning girl reading. I walked over and picked up a book, thinking our two books were the same category, hence a good conversation starter. She looked at me, and I pointed at my book and smiled. After that, she left. It was a sex position book. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5614) - you deserved it (22269)
On 06/27/2012 at 12:39am - misc - by deli Shoppe - United States (California)
Today, I was at the beach with my parents, and I went for a swim in the sea. I got out and my parents started laughing their asses off. It wasn't until my dad pulled a condom out of my hair that I realized what they were laughing at. My dad even took a picture. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18499) - you deserved it (1207)
On 06/26/2012 at 6:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of)
Today, I found out that the phone number I switched to, used to host an amateur phone sex hotline. I found this out after getting several calls by teenagers, who sounded as if they were masturbating even as I yelled that they had the wrong number. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17519) - you deserved it (1061)
On 06/26/2012 at 5:10pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, at a job interview, my interviewer bent forward and I admired his ass. When he turned, I couldn't tell if he caught me or not. At the end of the interview he shook my hand in congratulations of getting the job, then said "Yes, I do work out." I have to see him everyday now. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7032) - you deserved it (22746)
On 06/26/2012 at 2:18am - work - by cmck932012 - United States (Georgia)
Today, a homeless man tried to sell me a "magic, one-finger glove". It was a used condom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23417) - you deserved it (2004)
On 06/24/2012 at 10:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I noticed that my son only really looks like me when he's straining to take a dump. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13277) - you deserved it (2437)
On 06/23/2012 at 8:10pm - kids - by Gremlin (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)
Today, someone rang my doorbell. The moment I opened the door, a smell not unlike a cascading torrent of rotting flesh and urine hit my nostrils. I stood there for an eternity as a homeless man leaned on my door and desperately tried to convince me to buy an array of scrap metal from him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14201) - you deserved it (2553)
On 06/21/2012 at 2:13pm - misc - by noquiero (man) - United Kingdom (Durham)
Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21229) - you deserved it (1771)
On 06/21/2012 at 1:43pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17104) - you deserved it (867)
On 06/21/2012 at 10:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my boyfriend thought he could make a pregnancy test read positive by jizzing on it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20313) - you deserved it (3073)
On 06/21/2012 at 1:30am - intimacy - by really (woman) - United States (Washington)
Monday 17 June 2013
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