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niatross

Offline (the 12/16/2014 at 10:32pm) | Search for a member

niatross

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not so sure
  • Number of visits : 826
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About niatross : I love autumn. Scarves pumpkins blankets books and cuddling of course

niatross's page activity

Visits<b>172pilot</b> - the 12/13/2014 at 2:29am<b>yeatesj</b> - the 12/10/2014 at 3:20pm<b>Jenra</b> - the 12/09/2014 at 2:13am<b>laaryssa</b> - the 11/10/2014 at 1:45am<b>osr215</b> - the 11/06/2014 at 10:42pm<b>thathockeychick</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 11:21am<b>Digita1Fusion</b> - the 08/08/2014 at 9:35am<b>OlChickenBeard</b> - the 08/07/2014 at 10:34pm<b>katherhinooo</b> - the 07/30/2014 at 8:49pm<b>file321</b> - the 07/27/2014 at 5:16am<b>jerzjay</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 3:23am<b>dextrementor</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 7:31pm<b>sarahperez</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 1:47pm<b>lisaint</b> - the 07/08/2014 at 2:06pm<b>Laxinitup</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 3:14am<b>tealrobot</b> - the 06/04/2014 at 6:46pm<b>danm19</b> - the 06/04/2014 at 2:10am<b>jerrywaffle27</b> - the 05/27/2014 at 5:11pm

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You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

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niatross's favorite FMLs

Today, my mom texted me and asked what I was up to. In response, I joked, "Dancing on the dining room table, waving dad's Calvin Klein's in the air, and shooting bullets into her bedroom floor." Not only did the cops show up, but now I'm grounded for two weeks for being, "deceptively believable." FML

#21314000
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31017) - you deserved it (5338)

On 12/08/2014 at 7:38pm - misc - by #goodbyelife - United States

Today, my girlfriend went shopping at Victoria's Secret with me. While she was in the fitting room, her parents walked by and saw me. They don't approve of the store, so I panicked and told them I was considering becoming a woman. FML

#21255419
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42073) - you deserved it (11713)

On 09/09/2014 at 11:16pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML

#21240482
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44500) - you deserved it (16519)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:39pm - intimacy - by embarrassed - United States (New York)

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML

#21235845
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40941) - you deserved it (25784)

On 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by not a dick-man (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I attended a family gathering. My cousin's new baby was being passed around. By way of politely declining to hold it, I meant to say that I looked forward to getting to know it better once it could talk. What I blurted out instead was, "I can't wait until it resembles a human being." FML

Today, the deranged idiot that I am defending in court went completely nuts and told the judge that I am the guy who planned the whole armed robbery that he is on trial for. FML

#21198798
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49220) - you deserved it (4478)

On 07/04/2014 at 7:17pm - work - by zl5 (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I found a wasp in my kitchen, so I opened the back door and left the room for 10 minutes in the hope that it would fly away. Upon returning, I found that there were now three wasps, a vicious cat and a very panicked pigeon crashing around the room. FML

#21197738
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41622) - you deserved it (17434)

On 07/03/2014 at 8:27pm - animals - by Snow-White (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I clogged my girlfriend's toilet, so being a gentleman, I tried to rectify the situation. I plunged the holy fuck out of that damned toilet, only for her to accuse me of jacking off because I was taking so long. When she stormed in and the smell hit her, she called me a pig. I just can't win. FML

#21159437
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47379) - you deserved it (5006)

On 06/01/2014 at 2:34pm - misc - by shart up, your puns suck (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by coming home early. He walked in on me sitting on the toilet, singing full volume to my cat as I took a crap. FML

#21135914
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42231) - you deserved it (12396)

On 05/10/2014 at 6:11pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)

Today, I found out the reason our toilet paper has been disappearing so fast recently isn't because my son is wanking like a gibbon as I first thought. He's just been using our shredder to make streamers out of the stuff, then hiding it all in a box in his closet. Fucking hell, son. FML

#21128713
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37153) - you deserved it (4092)

On 05/02/2014 at 10:04am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I had to take an urgent dump at work. I noticed too late there was no toilet paper left, so I had to risk doing a quick "pants around the knees" shuffle to the next stall. I locked eyes with the window cleaner at the same time I heard someone enter from behind me. FML

#21123743
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40096) - you deserved it (6727)

On 04/26/2014 at 7:29pm - work - by caught out - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my dad and I got into an argument. When I was proven wrong, he said, "Good job, genius." I shot back the first thing that popped into my head, which was "I am not a genius!" He laughed and says that if I die before him, he's having that engraved on my tombstone. FML

#21122879
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32653) - you deserved it (12788)

On 04/25/2014 at 5:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I finished building a porch I've worked hard on for the past 2 weeks, and I was very proud on how amazing it turned out. Within 20 minutes of it being completed, my pregnant dog decided to crawl underneath it to have her puppies. I had to take half the porch apart to get to her and them. FML

#21120370
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43679) - you deserved it (5000)

On 04/22/2014 at 10:46pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I accidentally walked in on my mom cheating on my step-dad with my real dad. FML

Today, I was babysitting a 9-year-old kid, when she got thirsty and asked for a drink. All I could find was some kind of Mexican fruit drink, but I didn't realize until too late that it was actually hard liquor. I had to scrub her mouth out with toothpaste and put her to bed to cover it all up. FML

#21116530
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25436) - you deserved it (43116)

On 04/18/2014 at 5:31pm - kids - by cantprovenothing (woman) - United States (Texas)



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