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niatross

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niatross

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not so sure
  • Number of visits : 504
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About niatross : I love autumn. Scarves pumpkins blankets books and cuddling of course

niatross's page activity

Visits<b>Digita1Fusion</b> - the 08/08/2014 at 9:35am<b>OlChickenBeard</b> - the 08/07/2014 at 10:34pm<b>yeatesj</b> - the 07/31/2014 at 5:21am<b>katherhinooo</b> - the 07/30/2014 at 8:49pm<b>file321</b> - the 07/27/2014 at 5:16am<b>jerzjay</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 3:23am<b>dextrementor</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 7:31pm<b>sarahperez</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 1:47pm<b>lisaint</b> - the 07/08/2014 at 2:06pm<b>Laxinitup</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 3:14am<b>tealrobot</b> - the 06/04/2014 at 6:46pm<b>danm19</b> - the 06/04/2014 at 2:10am<b>jerrywaffle27</b> - the 05/27/2014 at 5:11pm<b>lulumoongirl</b> - the 05/25/2014 at 2:08am<b>Winterfell</b> - the 05/22/2014 at 5:48am<b>babeybazooka</b> - the 05/09/2014 at 5:49pm<b>QTIP123231</b> - the 05/07/2014 at 9:46pm<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/27/2014 at 4:51pm

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Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

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niatross's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML

#21240482
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41932) - you deserved it (15658)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:39pm - intimacy - by embarrassed - United States (New York)

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML

#21235845
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38033) - you deserved it (23383)

On 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by not a dick-man (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I attended a family gathering. My cousin's new baby was being passed around. By way of politely declining to hold it, I meant to say that I looked forward to getting to know it better once it could talk. What I blurted out instead was, "I can't wait until it resembles a human being." FML

Today, the deranged idiot that I am defending in court went completely nuts and told the judge that I am the guy who planned the whole armed robbery that he is on trial for. FML

#21198798
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48186) - you deserved it (4343)

On 07/04/2014 at 7:17pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I found a wasp in my kitchen, so I opened the back door and left the room for 10 minutes in the hope that it would fly away. Upon returning, I found that there were now three wasps, a vicious cat and a very panicked pigeon crashing around the room. FML

#21197738
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40101) - you deserved it (16696)

On 07/03/2014 at 8:27pm - animals - by Snow-White (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I clogged my girlfriend's toilet, so being a gentleman, I tried to rectify the situation. I plunged the holy fuck out of that damned toilet, only for her to accuse me of jacking off because I was taking so long. When she stormed in and the smell hit her, she called me a pig. I just can't win. FML

#21159437
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46850) - you deserved it (4942)

On 06/01/2014 at 2:34pm - misc - by shart up, your puns suck (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by coming home early. He walked in on me sitting on the toilet, singing full volume to my cat as I took a crap. FML

#21135914
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41329) - you deserved it (12085)

On 05/10/2014 at 6:11pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)

Today, I found out the reason our toilet paper has been disappearing so fast recently isn't because my son is wanking like a gibbon as I first thought. He's just been using our shredder to make streamers out of the stuff, then hiding it all in a box in his closet. Fucking hell, son. FML

#21128713
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36147) - you deserved it (3970)

On 05/02/2014 at 10:04am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I had to take an urgent dump at work. I noticed too late there was no toilet paper left, so I had to risk doing a quick "pants around the knees" shuffle to the next stall. I locked eyes with the window cleaner at the same time I heard someone enter from behind me. FML

#21123743
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39997) - you deserved it (6713)

On 04/26/2014 at 7:29pm - work - by caught out - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my dad and I got into an argument. When I was proven wrong, he said, "Good job, genius." I shot back the first thing that popped into my head, which was "I am not a genius!" He laughed and says that if I die before him, he's having that engraved on my tombstone. FML

#21122879
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32086) - you deserved it (12536)

On 04/25/2014 at 5:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I finished building a porch I've worked hard on for the past 2 weeks, and I was very proud on how amazing it turned out. Within 20 minutes of it being completed, my pregnant dog decided to crawl underneath it to have her puppies. I had to take half the porch apart to get to her and them. FML

#21120370
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42780) - you deserved it (4885)

On 04/22/2014 at 10:46pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I accidentally walked in on my mom cheating on my step-dad with my real dad. FML

Today, I was babysitting a 9-year-old kid, when she got thirsty and asked for a drink. All I could find was some kind of Mexican fruit drink, but I didn't realize until too late that it was actually hard liquor. I had to scrub her mouth out with toothpaste and put her to bed to cover it all up. FML

#21116530
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25360) - you deserved it (43006)

On 04/18/2014 at 5:31pm - kids - by cantprovenothing (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML

#21111156
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35625) - you deserved it (8371)

On 04/12/2014 at 2:07pm - misc - by traumatized (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, we had a speaking assessment in Spanish class. When it was my turn, I yawned in the middle of a sentence, said "excuse me" and finished my sentence. She took points off because I hesitated and I spoke in English, not Spanish. FML

#21108988
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36367) - you deserved it (11537)

On 04/09/2014 at 10:33pm - misc - by macaroni17 - United States (Pennsylvania)



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