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newburton13

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newburton13

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  • Number of visits : 8749
  • Number of comments : 748
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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newburton13's page activity

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newburton13's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to sit here for 8 hours copying and pasting thousands of product codes on a frigging spreadsheet. My job title is not data entry, I'm a graphic designer. FML

#1791
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17534) - you deserved it (2259)

On 01/19/2009 at 8:23pm - work - by Lincoln - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking for our bubblegum flavored "numbing" lotion to have some morning fun. We couldnt find it anywhere. After about 10 minutes, my little nephew comes from my room crying and drool coming out of his mouth. He smelt like bubblegum, his mouth and tongue were all numb. FML

#997
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29744) - you deserved it (7876)

On 01/12/2009 at 10:37am - intimacy - by LiLGeek - United States (California)

Today, I was putting a new lightbulb in when my wife walks into the room and says "you can't see a thing, i'll turn the light on for you". And she did. FML

#981
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23729) - you deserved it (1856)

On 01/11/2009 at 11:35pm - misc - by Christoams - Sent from mobile version

Today, a very pretty girl came up to me and asked me for my phone number. Very pleased, I give it to her with a huge smile and tell her that I can be reached at any time. I then watch her go back to her group of friends. My number was for her gay friend, who then meekly waved at me. FML

#718
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23355) - you deserved it (2775)

On 01/06/2009 at 6:58am - love - by musamalia - Sent from mobile version

Today, my girlfriend tried to clean out the fireplace with a vacuum cleaner, she sucked up a bunch of embers which set the vacuum on fire. After a crying for a bit, she went back to finish cleaning up only to find that some embers she dumped in a bucket melted through and set part of the carpet on fire. FML

#645
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19170) - you deserved it (3173)

On 12/31/2008 at 9:53pm - misc - by blck - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my girlfriend tried to clean out the fireplace with a vacuum cleaner, she sucked up a bunch of embers which set the vacuum on fire. After a crying for a bit, she went back to finish cleaning up only to find that some embers she dumped in a bucket melted through and set part of the carpet on fire. FML

#645
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19170) - you deserved it (3173)

On 12/31/2008 at 9:53pm - misc - by blck - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I dressed in my sexiest clothes to meet my new boyfriend at a restaurant. As I was a bit early, I took the opportunity to smoke a cigarette outside while I waited. The restaurant owner came out and said, "Hey, you. Go and 'work' somewhere else, please." FML

#600
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21116) - you deserved it (15806)

On 12/26/2008 at 1:32am - misc - by Lola - Sent from mobile version

Today, my girlfriend complained that I don't kiss her often enough. The problem is her breath. It's disgusting. I gently answer: 'Well, you don't kiss me often either!". So now she keeps kissing me. FML

#570
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8385) - you deserved it (37887)

On 12/22/2008 at 2:45am - love - by Julian - Sent from mobile version

Today, and for the last two weeks I have been preparing my girlfriend for a break up with nasty remarks. She has been finding me exceptionally funny. FML

#548
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6223) - you deserved it (33058)

On 12/18/2008 at 11:11pm - love - by Olive - Sent from mobile version

Today, my philosophy teacher asked me about my parents. I replied that my mum was a cleaner and my dad was a bus driver. In an astonished voice, she said, "But, you're clever..." FML

#434
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29990) - you deserved it (1884)

On 12/02/2008 at 1:32am - misc - by lamb-chop - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was at a restaurant with a girl I like, and as I was getting my wallet out, I dropped a condom. She didn't see anything, and I didn't dare pick it up in case I drew attention to the "object". The waiter walked past, picked up, and held it out to me with a huge grin. FML

#326
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30262) - you deserved it (8187)

On 11/18/2008 at 2:36am - love - by Otherguy - Sent from mobile version

Today, I ate at a friend's house. Her 5-year-old son, who was at the table with us, looked at me and said quietly, "You're ugly." My friend told him off, causing him to cry, and shout, "But she isn't pretty!" FML

#301
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51427) - you deserved it (4412)

On 11/13/2008 at 11:16pm - kids - by mimo - Sent from mobile version

Today, I ate at a friend's house. Her 5-year-old son, who was at the table with us, looked at me and said quietly, "You're ugly." My friend told him off, causing him to cry, and shout, "But she isn't pretty!" FML

#301
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51427) - you deserved it (4412)

On 11/13/2008 at 11:16pm - kids - by mimo - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boss sneezed onto his hands and then licked them in front of my best customers. FML

#292
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35113) - you deserved it (1882)

On 11/12/2008 at 10:57pm - work - by 911 - Sent from mobile version

Today, during a never-ending dinner with really boring friends, I faked being tired and told my husband, "Let’s go honey, we have a long way to drive home." He looks at me and says, "Well… we are at home." FML

#238
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14509) - you deserved it (62266)

On 11/07/2008 at 12:47am - misc - by alice5000 - Sent from mobile version



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