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newburton13

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newburton13

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  • Number of visits : 9268
  • Number of comments : 749
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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newburton13's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

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You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, I promised my best friend I wouldn't let her hook up with any guys (she got an STD a few weeks ago). After we tossed a few back she led about 30 people in a chant of "cockblock" after I wouldnt let her go home with some random dude. FML

#2489
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43018) - you deserved it (3320)

On 01/25/2009 at 12:54am - intimacy - by cockblockingbitch - United States (Washington)

Today, I got a text message saying "I'm sorry, I know it's our 4 month anniversary but it's not working out, I need to break up with you" followed by her complaining that I never call her as well. WTF? I haven't had a girlfriend for 6 months. FML

#2488
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21006) - you deserved it (2176)

On 01/24/2009 at 11:25pm - love - by EpicFail - Canada (Alberta)

Today, in class, I asked my teacher for a "rubber". I didn't realise that in America "rubber" doesn't mean "eraser", it means condom. FML

#2256
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59070) - you deserved it (7811)

On 01/22/2009 at 7:42pm - intimacy - by TheEnglishOne - United States (California)

Today, I had to sit here for 8 hours copying and pasting thousands of product codes on a frigging spreadsheet. My job title is not data entry, I'm a graphic designer. FML

#1791
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17576) - you deserved it (2262)

On 01/19/2009 at 8:23pm - work - by Lincoln - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking for our bubblegum flavored "numbing" lotion to have some morning fun. We couldnt find it anywhere. After about 10 minutes, my little nephew comes from my room crying and drool coming out of his mouth. He smelt like bubblegum, his mouth and tongue were all numb. FML

#997
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29773) - you deserved it (7881)

On 01/12/2009 at 10:37am - intimacy - by LiLGeek - United States (California)

Today, I was putting a new lightbulb in when my wife walks into the room and says "you can't see a thing, i'll turn the light on for you". And she did. FML

#981
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23786) - you deserved it (1864)

On 01/11/2009 at 11:35pm - misc - by Christoams - Sent from mobile version

Today, a very pretty girl came up to me and asked me for my phone number. Very pleased, I give it to her with a huge smile and tell her that I can be reached at any time. I then watch her go back to her group of friends. My number was for her gay friend, who then meekly waved at me. FML

#718
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23412) - you deserved it (2783)

On 01/06/2009 at 6:58am - love - by musamalia - Sent from mobile version

Today, my girlfriend tried to clean out the fireplace with a vacuum cleaner, she sucked up a bunch of embers which set the vacuum on fire. After a crying for a bit, she went back to finish cleaning up only to find that some embers she dumped in a bucket melted through and set part of the carpet on fire. FML

#645
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19216) - you deserved it (3174)

On 12/31/2008 at 9:53pm - misc - by blck - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my girlfriend tried to clean out the fireplace with a vacuum cleaner, she sucked up a bunch of embers which set the vacuum on fire. After a crying for a bit, she went back to finish cleaning up only to find that some embers she dumped in a bucket melted through and set part of the carpet on fire. FML

#645
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19216) - you deserved it (3174)

On 12/31/2008 at 9:53pm - misc - by blck - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I dressed in my sexiest clothes to meet my new boyfriend at a restaurant. As I was a bit early, I took the opportunity to smoke a cigarette outside while I waited. The restaurant owner came out and said, "Hey, you. Go and 'work' somewhere else, please." FML

#600
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21162) - you deserved it (15826)

On 12/26/2008 at 1:32am - misc - by Lola - Sent from mobile version

Today, my girlfriend complained that I don't kiss her often enough. The problem is her breath. It's disgusting. I gently answer: 'Well, you don't kiss me often either!". So now she keeps kissing me. FML

#570
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8403) - you deserved it (37946)

On 12/22/2008 at 2:45am - love - by Julian - Sent from mobile version

Today, and for the last two weeks I have been preparing my girlfriend for a break up with nasty remarks. She has been finding me exceptionally funny. FML

#548
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6242) - you deserved it (33104)

On 12/18/2008 at 11:11pm - love - by Olive - Sent from mobile version

Today, my philosophy teacher asked me about my parents. I replied that my mum was a cleaner and my dad was a bus driver. In an astonished voice, she said, "But, you're clever..." FML

#434
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30045) - you deserved it (1885)

On 12/02/2008 at 1:32am - misc - by lamb-chop - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was at a restaurant with a girl I like, and as I was getting my wallet out, I dropped a condom. She didn't see anything, and I didn't dare pick it up in case I drew attention to the "object". The waiter walked past, picked up, and held it out to me with a huge grin. FML

#326
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30312) - you deserved it (8199)

On 11/18/2008 at 2:36am - love - by Otherguy - Sent from mobile version

Today, I ate at a friend's house. Her 5-year-old son, who was at the table with us, looked at me and said quietly, "You're ugly." My friend told him off, causing him to cry, and shout, "But she isn't pretty!" FML

#301
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51501) - you deserved it (4420)

On 11/13/2008 at 11:16pm - kids - by mimo - Sent from mobile version



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