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newburton13

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newburton13
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 6725
  • Number of comments : 744
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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newburton13's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend complained that I don't kiss her often enough. The problem is her breath. It's disgusting. I gently answer: 'Well, you don't kiss me often either!". So now she keeps kissing me. FML

#570
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7146) - you deserved it (34286)

On 12/22/2008 at 2:45am - love - by Julian - Sent from mobile version

Today, and for the last two weeks I have been preparing my girlfriend for a break up with nasty remarks. She has been finding me exceptionally funny. FML

#548
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5135) - you deserved it (28634)

On 12/18/2008 at 11:11pm - love - by Olive - Sent from mobile version

Today, my philosophy teacher asked me about my parents. I replied that my mum was a cleaner and my dad was a bus driver. In an astonished voice, she said, "But, you're clever..." FML

#434
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25813) - you deserved it (1591)

On 12/02/2008 at 1:32am - misc - by lamb-chop - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was at a restaurant with a girl I like, and as I was getting my wallet out, I dropped a condom. She didn't see anything, and I didn't dare pick it up in case I drew attention to the "object". The waiter walked past, picked up, and held it out to me with a huge grin. FML

#326
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27362) - you deserved it (7632)

On 11/18/2008 at 2:36am - love - by Otherguy - Sent from mobile version

Today, I ate at a friend's house. Her 5-year-old son, who was at the table with us, looked at me and said quietly, "You're ugly." My friend told him off, causing him to cry, and shout, "But she isn't pretty!" FML

#301
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49430) - you deserved it (4235)

On 11/13/2008 at 11:16pm - kids - by mimo - Sent from mobile version

Today, I ate at a friend's house. Her 5-year-old son, who was at the table with us, looked at me and said quietly, "You're ugly." My friend told him off, causing him to cry, and shout, "But she isn't pretty!" FML

#301
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49430) - you deserved it (4235)

On 11/13/2008 at 11:16pm - kids - by mimo - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boss sneezed onto his hands and then licked them in front of my best customers. FML

#292
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33312) - you deserved it (1761)

On 11/12/2008 at 10:57pm - work - by 911 - Sent from mobile version

Today, during a never-ending dinner with really boring friends, I faked being tired and told my husband, "Let’s go honey, we have a long way to drive home." He looks at me and says, "Well… we are at home." FML

#238
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12860) - you deserved it (58175)

On 11/07/2008 at 12:47am - misc - by alice5000 - Sent from mobile version

Today, as I was taking my three year old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML

#142
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56303) - you deserved it (3240)

On 10/29/2008 at 7:57am - kids - by LifeSucks - Canada (Quebec)



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