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newburton13

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newburton13

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  • Number of visits : 7866
  • Number of comments : 747
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, I was at my bosses house for a company BBQ. Earlier I had taken muscle relaxants to calm my lower back pain. After a few drinks it was clear the alcohol and medication did not mix. I woke up few hours later to find out I had stripped naked and jumped into the 4 foot cake before passing out. FML

#706614
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28466) - you deserved it (73813)

On 03/30/2009 at 6:17pm - work - by Donzai (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was giving a lecture to my class I heard a phone go off. Aggravated and exhausted, I asked everyone to turn their phones off. Then the phone rang again. I lost my shit and spent the next half hour calling my students a bunch of "technology whores". Then I realized the phone was mine. FML

#681021
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14119) - you deserved it (178245)

On 03/29/2009 at 2:41pm - misc - by emkaycutie (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was mowing the lawn of my brand new house, located in a very nice neighborhood (I am a hispanic male), and a lady in her nice white cadillac drove up and asked me, in extremely broken spanish, if I could mow her lawn too. FML

#664071
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (126370) - you deserved it (9466)

On 03/28/2009 at 4:17pm - misc - by Michaelichael (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I came home a few days early from a 3-month business trip. As I opened my apartment door, hoping to surprise my girlfriend, the man she's apparently been cheating on me with promptly punched me in the face. He thought I was a burglar. FML

#663425
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (102018) - you deserved it (3839)

On 03/28/2009 at 3:42pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got an email from a professor saying he was going to fail me for missing the alloted absences, which is school policy. I pointed out I was in the hospital for two weeks with a life threatening illness and that he even came to visit me. He told me "rules are rules." FML

#657001
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (136578) - you deserved it (6148)

On 03/28/2009 at 2:35am - health - by hospitalflunky (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I showed up at my boyfriend's work to surprise him by speaking in Spanish, his first language. I've been taking classes secretly. He smiled, kissed me, and then finished telling his friend, in Spanish, that I'm boring and ugly but he's got nothing better going on. FML

#629360
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (103557) - you deserved it (5230)

On 03/26/2009 at 8:02pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was on a blind date with a girl my friend set me up with. We went to a fancy restaurant and she ordered the shrimp. I told her, "I'm allergic to shrimp, so you shouldn't order it in case I want to kiss you later." She looked at the waiter and said, "I'll have the shrimp." FML

#621353
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56793) - you deserved it (29454)

On 03/26/2009 at 1:11pm - love - by johnfrank (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I fell asleep in class. As a joke, my professor used an airhorn to wake me up. I got so freaked out that I punched the girl next to me in the face. She got knocked out. FML

#553935
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (83016) - you deserved it (30954)

On 03/23/2009 at 3:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was eating with my boyfriend and his family at a high-end restaurant when, suddenly, I screamed, thinking a dog had just bitten my leg. I am terrified of dogs. I kicked my under-the-table assailant as hard as I could. It was my boyfriend's adorable five-year-old sister. FML

#539856
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64005) - you deserved it (30804)

On 03/22/2009 at 9:02pm - kids - by Noca (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went out for coffee with a guy I really like. We met up at the local café, and decided to sit at a counter in front of the window. We talked and flirted for a while. Then he kissed me, and while he was kissing me someone banged on the window. It was my parents. They didn't know I'm gay. FML

#520285
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (89522) - you deserved it (32601)

On 03/21/2009 at 10:38pm - love - by clementine_k (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my parents saw my report card. Now, they refuse to buy me my the new computer I've always wanted because my grades had 'slipped'. I made honor roll for three terms, and was kept off for the fourth for a single bad grade. I failed gym. FML

#504973
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59041) - you deserved it (38004)

On 03/21/2009 at 2:22am - work - by MollyMo - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML

#503348
867 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50543) - you deserved it (613646)

On 03/21/2009 at 12:46am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my 13 year old sister had to explain the bases to me. Turns out, I have skipped first and second base and gone straight to third, without even realizing it. What makes it worse is that she told my mother, and now my whole family thinks I'm a slut. FML

#502307
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15244) - you deserved it (57607)

On 03/21/2009 at 12:06am - misc - by musik_ist_liebe (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex. I was a virgin and he wasn't. About 30 seconds in he collapsed on me. I thought he was joking around and I started laughing. He wasn't joking. He was done. FML

#483851
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (128200) - you deserved it (12248)

On 03/20/2009 at 2:11am - intimacy - by firsttimer69 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was running to my car, slipped, and slammed my head on the car door. I started driving to the hospital because it was bleeding profusely and I was dizzy, I called my mom to tell her what had happened. She said I was grounded for "goofing off" and that she was "sick of my shit". FML

#483847
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (87964) - you deserved it (6821)

On 03/20/2009 at 2:11am - misc - by itsgotime (woman) - United States (Kansas)



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