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newburton13

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newburton13

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  • Number of visits : 9213
  • Number of comments : 749
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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newburton13's page activity

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Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, I was leaning under a counter to get my girlfriend her favorite snack food out of a low cabinet when she decided it would be funny to poke me while I was in an awkward position. I jerked up, rammed my head on the bottom of the counter, and ended up at the ER with staples in my head. FML

#2907307
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42715) - you deserved it (2732)

On 06/15/2009 at 7:40am - misc - by bronzemedal97 (man) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I found out the identity of the pervert who's been staring at me through my bedroom window in the late hours of the night. My parents and I decided to set out a trap for 'him' instead of reporting to our local cop. Turns out, we caught my 37 year-old neighbor in the act. He's the cop. FML

#2865123
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45042) - you deserved it (2333)

On 06/13/2009 at 6:46pm - misc - by Meg (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up feeling like shit after I had spent the whole night taking care of my sick boyfriend. He got up early, feeling great, bouncing around the house. When I finally got up I told him I didn't feel well and he yelled at me for being a bitch in the morning that slows him down. FML

#2833526
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62518) - you deserved it (4783)

On 06/12/2009 at 4:04pm - love - by adderallgirl (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, In my science class I sit next to my friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names confused calling me Jill and her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML

#2831839
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (139736) - you deserved it (10001)

On 06/12/2009 at 2:50pm - misc - by mcullen21 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my left-handed boss needed PC help. I said "right-click for the menu." She said nothing happened. Three times we went through this. Eventually I went over, asking her to show me what she did. She was using her right hand on the left mouse button. She earns $10,000 more than me. FML

#2798980
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58774) - you deserved it (3027)

On 06/11/2009 at 11:21am - work - by girlfriday (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I took a test as part of a job requirement. I took a sip from a bottle of juice, and the lady leading the test gave me a warning. I tried to explain that if I didn't, I would faint. She took the bottle and hid it. 15 minutes later I collapsed. She thought I was faking. I'm hypoglycemic. FML

#2797056
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79635) - you deserved it (3603)

On 06/11/2009 at 8:59am - health - by Casey - Sent from mobile version

Today, I decided to go swimming. I knew my technique would be off because I haven't swam since high school. It was when I made it only halfway across the pool that the lifeguard decided to jump in and save me. I wasn't drowning or struggling. FML

#2780128
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39996) - you deserved it (4133)

On 06/10/2009 at 6:50pm - health - by anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was doing the laundry, but couldn't tell if one basket contained dirty clothes or clean clothes. I put my head down into the basket and took a whiff to check, and smelled something strong. I looked down and noticed I had shoved my nose into my mother's dirty panties and inhaled deeply. FML

#2771794
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20060) - you deserved it (55378)

On 06/10/2009 at 1:37pm - misc - by potpurri_needed (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I busted my ass to help this old lady move her stuff because she was going to a nursing home. I was told I would get paid. When I finished four hours later the lady took me to a room and told me to pick out anything in her little goody bag. I got a race car as payment. FML

#2766394
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48320) - you deserved it (8701)

On 06/10/2009 at 7:03am - work - by person (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. To surprise her, I told her that I was going away on business, and could not be there on her birthday. When I show up at her house to surprise her with a present and cake, she opens the door in her underwear, beside a man in his boxers. She was surprised. FML

#2754553
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81079) - you deserved it (6113)

On 06/09/2009 at 8:13pm - love - by SURPRISE (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I came home and found my desk devoid of all paper. Turned out my mom dropped by and wanted to surprise me by cleaning up my work area. She threw away over 7 months worth of irreplaceable original sketches, notes and storylines, thinking they were worthless. My job is a full-time artist. FML

#2701716
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63294) - you deserved it (3266)

On 06/07/2009 at 8:17pm - work - by Kilika (man) - United States (California)

Today, we got my brother a pet hamster because he has trouble making friends. We thought a hamster would be a good way to teach him about caring for others. I walked into the room and the hamster was hanging from the ceiling. Turns out there's a reason my brother doesn't have friends. FML

#2651635
477 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70574) - you deserved it (4836)

On 06/06/2009 at 1:51am - animals - by hamsterlovinn (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had a date with this guy. I waited at the restaurant for an hour and he didn't show. Thinking he stood me up, I went over to his place and keyed his car. Then I realized the date was for tomorrow. FML

#2597926
616 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10216) - you deserved it (134047)

On 06/04/2009 at 1:09pm - misc - by soljaboy (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was driving on the motorway when a cop car made me stop. It was a routine check and when they said "Have you been drinking?" of course I said no. To that, my 6 year old sitting in the back screamed "Yes she did! She's lying I saw her drink!" I had drunk a milkshake. FML

#2593679
338 comments

I agree, your life sucks (100633) - you deserved it (6380)

On 06/04/2009 at 8:17am - kids - by Kimmiko (woman) - Germany (Niedersachsen)

Today, I was buying an expensive pillow for my mother from a store clerk who wouldn't stop staring at my boobs. After paying, I saw an elderly lady who had dropped a bag, so I walked to help. I walked back to the clerk, who refused to believe I paid. The reason? He didn't recognize my face. FML

#2569005
324 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61998) - you deserved it (5034)

On 06/03/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by doubleds (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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