Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

newburton13

Online | Search for a member

newburton13

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 13419
  • Number of comments : 753
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

newburton13's page activity

Visits<b>madison123xx</b> - the 04/27/2015 at 4:25pm<b>kukumber</b> - the 04/24/2015 at 6:51pm<b>kelseysking</b> - the 11/15/2014 at 2:52pm<b>taintedtruffle</b> - the 10/18/2014 at 11:35pm<b>EimP</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 8:12pm<b>KimmieHappyKat</b> - the 06/05/2014 at 12:51am<b>ArmenMM</b> - the 05/28/2014 at 12:43pm<b>SurfingPichu</b> - the 05/09/2014 at 6:29am<b>PierceTheSabrina</b> - the 05/05/2014 at 9:18pm<b>Hildy93</b> - the 04/29/2014 at 2:41am<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/28/2014 at 6:58pm<b>hi_mynaneisslec</b> - the 04/20/2014 at 3:12am<b>Rizzen</b> - the 03/24/2014 at 9:08pm<b>Fatwahhh</b> - the 03/07/2014 at 6:10pm<b>sammyjo06</b> - the 02/22/2014 at 12:27am<b>Fidge86</b> - the 02/10/2014 at 1:40pm<b>ImposterDitto</b> - the 02/06/2014 at 5:03pm<b>alexmac222</b> - the 01/19/2014 at 6:20am

Fucked!<b>madison123xx</b> - the 04/27/2015 at 10:26pm

newburton13's FML badges

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of newburton13's badges

newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, at the dentist, the new, rather airy assistant went to prep me for an extraction. She began pulling on something in my mouth, and a moment later, I felt intense pain and then the wetness of blood. She was trying to pull out "that weird wire thing". In other words, my permanent retainer. FML

#3958624
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63788) - you deserved it (2456)

On 07/22/2009 at 6:36pm - health - by retainer (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I decided to dress up a little to go out to the bar. I put on a nice shirt, some leggings and heels. When I walked out the door my dad said that I looked like a whore. When I got to my boyfriends house I told him what my dad had said and he replied "I'd have to agree with him." FML

#3953472
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14556) - you deserved it (59036)

On 07/22/2009 at 2:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was in the living room with my brother and his two older, hot friends when my mother walks out from the toilet and tells me, "Honey, if you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie wipe the seatie." Need I say more? FML

#3949576
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47134) - you deserved it (15775)

On 07/22/2009 at 5:48am - misc - by Mortified (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I noticed that my very expensive facial cleanser was almost out. I had moved in with my boyfriend recently, and questioned him, telling him "You don't have to use so much to wash your face. That's a $70 bottle." To which he responded, "Oh, that nice-smelling stuff? Yeah, I use that on my junk." FML

#3931223
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39882) - you deserved it (7861)

On 07/21/2009 at 2:53pm - misc - by NotSoClean (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend on my boat at the lake. As we were looking at the mountains all around us, she playfully pushed me off the side into the water. As I got back on the boat, I realized that not only was my cellphone dead, but the ring had fallen into the deep water. FML

#3904309
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75750) - you deserved it (3915)

On 07/20/2009 at 11:43am - love - by good_job_john (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, after work, I parked in the parking lot I go to every day to let heavy traffic go by. As I was about to leave, two cops suddenly yanked me out of the car and arrested me for "stocking," as they spelled it on the report. Some paranoid girl thought I was parking there every day to watch her. FML

Today, I was talking to the girl I've liked for 2 years. We were assigned partners for a History project so we were going to work on it at my house. When she asked me for directions, I told her I lived on Woodcock Road. She yelled slapped me and stormed off. I was serious. FML

#3894865
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53725) - you deserved it (3100)

On 07/20/2009 at 12:04am - love - by thicklysettled (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had to wait outside Starbucks. While standing, I started day dreaming and didn't notice I had been staring at a table beside the window for a long time. Suddenly, someone went up to me and said "Try not to be so obvious". Sitting at the table was a girl with a huge cleavage. FML

#3878598
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39493) - you deserved it (11012)

On 07/19/2009 at 10:13am - misc - by lifedoessuck12 (man) - Philippines (Pasay)

Today, I received a letter in the mail stating that I had won a trip to Cancun, Mexico. It looked like a scam so I threw it away. I later found out that it was a birthday present from my cousin and the envelope also contained a check for 5 thousand dollars to help cover some expenses. FML

#3877056
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24601) - you deserved it (64815)

On 07/19/2009 at 6:11am - money - by Unluckyducky (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my daughter turned 11. Since she LOVES Harry Potter, I decided to write her an acceptance letter to Hogwarts. When she saw the letter, she screamed and showed me. When she found out I wrote it, she told me she hated me, started crying, and stepped on my foot. FML

#3796227
577 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30180) - you deserved it (89306)

On 07/16/2009 at 6:16am - kids - by notawizard (woman) - Spain (Catalonia)

Today, my wife gave me back my camera which she took on vacation to visit her parents with our 2-year old. I noticed the picture sequence had big gaps in the numbering. I ran an undelete on the card, and found 80+ pictures of her naked with another guy in her mom's bedroom. FML

#3792104
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (93201) - you deserved it (4816)

On 07/16/2009 at 1:51am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was hit by a car. My sister ran to see if her phone I was carrying in my purse was okay. She screamed at me while I lay in the street because I was so dumb, and that I couldn't even watch for cars. Her screen was cracked. I had to call 911 for myself. FML

Today, at martial arts practice, a guest sensei wanted to teach me some "manners". He pinned me down and proceded to choke me while crushing my nuts with his hands and yelling at me in front of the whole class, "DOES THAT HURT?!!?" FML

#3769867
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43486) - you deserved it (8210)

On 07/15/2009 at 9:21am - misc - by GrippedMyBalls - Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi)

Today, I went to a restaurant for lunch. The waiter brought some bread and I started eating it as I waited for him to take my order. When he approached me he looked at me and said, "Don't eat too much bread honey. It'll make you fatter." Not fat, fatter. I never thought of myself as fat. FML

#3746526
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41390) - you deserved it (6379)

On 07/14/2009 at 2:03pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Madrid)

Today, my friend called to say my boyfriend was at a diner with another woman. I immediately went and caught them in a deep conversation. I slapped him and yelled "Who's this bitch!?" It turns out she's his half sister. FML

#3705241
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8591) - you deserved it (80112)

On 07/13/2009 at 12:28am - love - by Terry (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



FML's blog

  • JT's illustrated FML
  • Hello everybody, how's it going? This week we're looking at the delicate art of getting along with your neighbours. If you've ever lived in an apartment building, you'll know that having people live…

Friday 22 May 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: