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newburton13

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newburton13
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 6792
  • Number of comments : 744
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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newburton13's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to be go to the ER after I fell on a rake. After having stiches put in, my Mom wanted me to go to the store with her. My friend saw me at the store and thought it would be funny to rip off the band aid because she thought I was hiding a zit. She ripped out my stitches. FML

#3510795
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57017) - you deserved it (2265)

On 07/05/2009 at 7:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was on a train when an old man standing next to me very obviously checked me out, caught my eye, and winked. He spent the next five minutes rubbing his penis against my leg. When I turned to tell him off, the train lurched, and the old man fell face first into my breasts. FML

#3493845
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47000) - you deserved it (6007)

On 07/05/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by bridezilla (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was at the park with a friend when I said "Gotta go, sorry. I've got court in an hour." The lady on the bench next to us then loudly complained how disgusting I was for being a criminal and threw her bird seed at me, dirtying my suit. I'm a lawyer with a case in an hour, not a criminal. FML

#3457601
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46104) - you deserved it (3209)

On 07/03/2009 at 3:56pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was holding a yard sale. A man came up to me and asked if he could buy a pair of red and white sneakers that I'd found in my attic and had never worn. Five bucks later, he was walking away with what I now realize was the pair of shoes signed by Michael Jordan given to me by my uncle. FML

#3455804
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10860) - you deserved it (66308)

On 07/03/2009 at 2:30pm - misc - by capcha (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I met with a friend who had gained some weight since I saw him last. After a friendly hug, I put my hand on his new man boob and, without thinking, left it there way too long. I realized that I was groping him and, in a panic, did the only thing I could think of. I patted it. Twice. FML

#3373378
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14128) - you deserved it (47137)

On 06/30/2009 at 6:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was at the mall with my boyfriend and 2 friends. My uncle passed by me in the mall. He said "What are you baby-sitting or something?" He pointed to the merry-go-round. My boyfriend was sitting on the giraffe yelling at the top of his lungs. FML

#3333969
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43173) - you deserved it (10846)

On 06/29/2009 at 11:41am - misc - by merkris (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my friend and I were in her moms car talking about which job was harder: actor or artist. I said, "Art is easy. You just scribble on a piece of paper and call it abstract art." Her mom squinted at me in the rearview mirror and my friend stopped talking. Then she said, "My mom is an artist." FML

#3314911
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11165) - you deserved it (43682)

On 06/28/2009 at 6:08pm - misc - by URGH (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was riding the subway to work. Barely anyone was on because of how early it was. Me and this one guy in a trench coat were in the same cart. His stop came. He walked by me, flashed me, rubbed his penis on my arm, and then ran away really fast. FML

#3268493
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (118463) - you deserved it (8673)

On 06/27/2009 at 4:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Japan

Today, I learned my 40 year old father is marrying a girl barely a year and a half older than me. She told me not to be afraid to call her mom. I was torn between punching her in the face and vomiting. FML

#3264690
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59196) - you deserved it (2133)

On 06/27/2009 at 1:32am - misc - by OfCourse (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, at the airport, my mom began talking about how useless the war in Iraq was, and how dumb the soldiers that serve there were for enlisting during the war. The soldier at the vending machine near us caught my eye. I mouthed, "Sorry" and he mouthed, slowly, "You fuckin' better be." FML

#3232657
685 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75747) - you deserved it (15342)

On 06/26/2009 at 3:57am - misc - by ILuvYouSoldiers (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I am currently grounded for three weeks, have no car, cell phone, or television privileges, and am not allowed to spend more than 10 minutes on the computer a day. The reason why: I was seven minutes past my 9'oclock curfew. I'm 18. FML

#3180871
441 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74724) - you deserved it (11170)

On 06/24/2009 at 5:34pm - misc - by creeped_out_ - United States (Kansas)

Today, I lost it on my co-workers about how hard I've been working, picking up everyone's slack with no appreciation, and it was clear that I needed to find a job that actually rewarded hard work. As I went to grab my jacket to leave, I saw a cake and gift card for a cruise on the table, from the staff. FML

#3179534
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11659) - you deserved it (62697)

On 06/24/2009 at 4:44pm - work - by Whoops (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went through the drive through at Dunkin Donuts and asked for an iced coffee. After no response I start frantically screaming about bad service. After a while, the woman comes out to my car and says, "Please pull up to the speaker." I yelled at a garbage bin for 5 minutes. FML

#3019033
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9216) - you deserved it (87800)

On 06/19/2009 at 1:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)



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