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newburton13

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newburton13
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 6735
  • Number of comments : 744
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

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You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, I was walking down the strip with a friend when we saw a homeless man with no arm. I felt bad, so I gave him some cash and I looked into his poor little eyes when he put out his arm for a hug. Without thinking, I hugged him. Right as I was thinking, "wtf am I doing," he kissed my boob. FML

#4021792
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15711) - you deserved it (46921)

On 07/25/2009 at 1:19am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I woke up from the worst nightmare I've ever had. After tearfully explaining to my boyfriend, in detail, how bad this dream was, he told me to "put on my big girl panties" and make him breakfast. FML

#3998024
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41066) - you deserved it (12122)

On 07/24/2009 at 2:40am - love - by vanguardwiley (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I bust my lip when a car bumped into mine. As I headed home, I was stopped by the police who told me my back light was out. I tried to explain, but it just came out as "fghjiljh" because of my lip. I was arrested on suspicion of drinking and driving. FML

#3983429
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41919) - you deserved it (3220)

On 07/23/2009 at 5:19pm - misc - by Gg (man) - United Kingdom (Bradford)

Today, I said to our pool-boy, "I know what you're doing, and you have to stop it." He started shouting that I had no right to tell them what to do and that they were in love. He was referring to his relationship with my eldest son. I wanted to tell him to stop drinking my beers. FML

#3973803
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50716) - you deserved it (7419)

On 07/23/2009 at 7:13am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Greece (Attiki)

Today, I got very dressed up and was excited for my uncle's wedding. While standing in line for photos, I heard my dad's voice from behind me say "Who's the hot chick in the brown dress?" My uncle responds "Uh, that's your daughter." Silence. FML

#3967657
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67037) - you deserved it (4060)

On 07/23/2009 at 12:26am - misc - by Rory (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, after I cleaned out the fridge of things that expired months ago, my roommate got angry and insisted upon pulling all the moldy dairy products out of the garbage and putting them back because "they weren't mine and I shouldn't throw out other people's food." FML

#3959281
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38487) - you deserved it (3921)

On 07/22/2009 at 7:03pm - misc - by uncleaning (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, at the dentist, the new, rather airy assistant went to prep me for an extraction. She began pulling on something in my mouth, and a moment later, I felt intense pain and then the wetness of blood. She was trying to pull out "that weird wire thing". In other words, my permanent retainer. FML

#3958624
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59920) - you deserved it (2164)

On 07/22/2009 at 6:36pm - health - by retainer (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I decided to dress up a little to go out to the bar. I put on a nice shirt, some leggings and heels. When I walked out the door my dad said that I looked like a whore. When I got to my boyfriends house I told him what my dad had said and he replied "I'd have to agree with him." FML

#3953472
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10942) - you deserved it (52516)

On 07/22/2009 at 2:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was in the living room with my brother and his two older, hot friends when my mother walks out from the toilet and tells me, "Honey, if you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie wipe the seatie." Need I say more? FML

#3949576
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44515) - you deserved it (14994)

On 07/22/2009 at 5:48am - misc - by Mortified (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I noticed that my very expensive facial cleanser was almost out. I had moved in with my boyfriend recently, and questioned him, telling him "You don't have to use so much to wash your face. That's a $70 bottle." To which he responded, "Oh, that nice-smelling stuff? Yeah, I use that on my junk." FML

#3931223
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38213) - you deserved it (7652)

On 07/21/2009 at 2:53pm - misc - by NotSoClean (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend on my boat at the lake. As we were looking at the mountains all around us, she playfully pushed me off the side into the water. As I got back on the boat, I realized that not only was my cellphone dead, but the ring had fallen into the deep water. FML

#3904309
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70349) - you deserved it (3494)

On 07/20/2009 at 11:43am - love - by good_job_john (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, after work, I parked in the parking lot I go to every day to let heavy traffic go by. As I was about to leave, two cops suddenly yanked me out of the car and arrested me for "stocking," as they spelled it on the report. Some paranoid girl thought I was parking there every day to watch her. FML

Today, I was talking to the girl I've liked for 2 years. We were assigned partners for a History project so we were going to work on it at my house. When she asked me for directions, I told her I lived on Woodcock Road. She yelled slapped me and stormed off. I was serious. FML

#3894865
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47154) - you deserved it (2605)

On 07/20/2009 at 12:04am - love - by thicklysettled (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had to wait outside Starbucks. While standing, I started day dreaming and didn't notice I had been staring at a table beside the window for a long time. Suddenly, someone went up to me and said "Try not to be so obvious". Sitting at the table was a girl with a huge cleavage. FML

#3878598
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34884) - you deserved it (9990)

On 07/19/2009 at 10:13am - misc - by lifedoessuck12 (man) - Philippines (Pasay)

Today, I received a letter in the mail stating that I had won a trip to Cancun, Mexico. It looked like a scam so I threw it away. I later found out that it was a birthday present from my cousin and the envelope also contained a check for 5 thousand dollars to help cover some expenses. FML

#3877056
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22755) - you deserved it (61720)

On 07/19/2009 at 6:11am - money - by Unluckyducky (woman) - United States (Texas)



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