Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

newburton13

Offline (4 hours ago) | Search for a member

newburton13

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 8735
  • Number of comments : 748
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

newburton13's page activity

Visits<b>EimP</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 8:12pm<b>KimmieHappyKat</b> - the 06/05/2014 at 12:51am<b>ArmenMM</b> - the 05/28/2014 at 12:43pm<b>SurfingPichu</b> - the 05/09/2014 at 6:29am<b>PierceTheSabrina</b> - the 05/05/2014 at 9:18pm<b>Hildy93</b> - the 04/29/2014 at 2:41am<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/28/2014 at 6:58pm<b>hi_mynaneisslec</b> - the 04/20/2014 at 3:12am<b>Rizzen</b> - the 03/24/2014 at 9:08pm<b>Fatwahhh</b> - the 03/07/2014 at 6:10pm<b>sammyjo06</b> - the 02/22/2014 at 12:27am<b>Fidge86</b> - the 02/10/2014 at 1:40pm<b>ImposterDitto</b> - the 02/06/2014 at 5:03pm<b>alexmac222</b> - the 01/19/2014 at 6:20am<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 01/16/2014 at 9:11pm<b>rocker_chick105</b> - the 01/11/2014 at 8:59am<b>sarahperez</b> - the 12/23/2013 at 12:21pm<b>Poster976</b> - the 11/15/2013 at 1:23am

newburton13's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of newburton13's badges

newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, I asked my mom if she could include mashed potatoes and gravy with dinner. She then went on to yell at me about my "unhealthy eating habits" and how I've "gained a lot of weight in the past few months". I'm pregnant. FML

#6587756
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29730) - you deserved it (3553)

On 12/03/2009 at 7:02pm - health - by preggo (woman) - United States

Today, I learned my wife wasn't speaking to me because our daughter told her I kissed another woman. My daughter neglected to mention that this happened when she came to work with me yesterday, and the kiss was between me and the dummy I use to teach my interns CPR. My wife doesn't believe me. FML

#6581083
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36485) - you deserved it (2347)

On 12/03/2009 at 6:34am - love - by fmldr (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my husband stabbed me with his unusually long nasty toes nails in the leg while he slept. It took 3 stitches to fix it up, my husband and doctor laughed the entire time. He still refuses to cut them. FML

#6578474
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36147) - you deserved it (3345)

On 12/03/2009 at 12:59am - health - by ewww (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, while stepping out of the shower, I slipped and cut my head. I went to the hospital, got 8 stitches and was tested for head trauma. After hours of ignoring my calls and texts, my girlfriend finally responded, very angrily. Why? Today is her birthday, and I "selfishly made it about me." FML

#6565317
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36050) - you deserved it (3630)

On 12/02/2009 at 6:36am - health - by michelle91 (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, my dad and mom and I were going out to eat dinner. My dad wanted a romantic dinner just with my mom so he told me to make an excuse not to go. I did, which ended up as a huge fight, grounded and phone taken away. My dad just stood there in the background putting thumbs up. FML

#6512953
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36862) - you deserved it (3197)

On 11/29/2009 at 1:10pm - misc - by Yoooooo0 (woman) - United States

Today, when I had a go at my husband for spending way too much time in front of the TV, he pointed the remote control at me while miming turning down the volume in order to make me shut up. FML

#6508757
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24020) - you deserved it (12058)

On 11/29/2009 at 3:55am - misc - by Nomoresandwish (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realized that I am dating a 25 year old man-child. He turns 13 whenever he sees my boobs, complete with big eyes and saying "honk honk" whenever he touches them. FML

#6493322
313 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33859) - you deserved it (9714)

On 11/28/2009 at 11:17am - love - by moon_paw (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I had six friends round for pizza. When I went to answer the door to the delivery, my friends turned off the lights and pretended they weren't there when I shouted for help carrying all the food. Not only does the cute delivery guy think I'm greedy, but also that I have imaginary friends. FML

#6464238
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25886) - you deserved it (3102)

On 11/26/2009 at 3:30pm - misc - by has-evil-friends (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, I found out that my mother has been purposely wrecking every relationship I've had since junior high because ''no one is good enough for her little girl''. FML

#6445574
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35601) - you deserved it (2478)

On 11/25/2009 at 1:31pm - misc - by B_McG - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my girlfriend of almost a year, and to whom I intended to propose on Thanksgiving, dumped me because her husband will be returning from Iraq soon. And he wants to have a "talk" with me. I didn't know she was married. FML

#6442976
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37331) - you deserved it (3314)

On 11/25/2009 at 8:56am - love - by blasted (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, some girl punched me in the face and left a huge purple bruise. Apparently her boyfriend has been cheating on her with me because she always sees him walking me home. Her boyfriend is my older brother who didn't bother telling her who I was because "he wanted to see what she would do." FML

#6438315
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41204) - you deserved it (2230)

On 11/24/2009 at 5:47pm - misc - by DayamyWuzHere (woman) - United States

Today, I went on a date and it was going great. When we got our meals, he told me I had to try what he was having, and he fed me a bite. I said something like "oh that was cute" and he replied with "I was just trying to see how big your mouth is." FML

#6428684
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26812) - you deserved it (3628)

On 11/23/2009 at 10:22pm - love - by OpenWide (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my friend called me freaking out because of an online pregnancy test. She was scared because she had no idea that she was pregnant, let alone having a fifteen pound baby. The website is a joke. She goes to an Ivy League school, and I couldn't even get into community college. FML

#6416233
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32828) - you deserved it (3576)

On 11/23/2009 at 12:21am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML

#6396436
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26143) - you deserved it (6075)

On 11/21/2009 at 10:25pm - animals - by gbabyy (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I thought I'd surprise my girlfriend with a bear hug. I found her in the hall with her back to me talking to friends. As I walked up behind her and was about to wrap my arms around her, she said, "so does anyone have any ideas about how I should break it off with my boyfriend?" FML

#6387420
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39190) - you deserved it (2469)

On 11/21/2009 at 12:59am - love - by Fail (man) - United States (Oregon)



FML's blog

  • Matteor's illustrated FML #2
  • So, is everyone back from their vacation? Can we get back to regular programming? No? OK, I get it. You're all still crying about not being at the beach any more, well, I am anyway. And this time of year…

Thursday 11 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: