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newburton13

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newburton13

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  • Number of visits : 8745
  • Number of comments : 748
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, a mother and son were in my office. The kid wasn't feeling well and threw up. Mom covered his mouth with her hand, creating a vomit nozzle and covering me in puke. She yelled that I deserved to be sprayed on because I was not quick enough in getting a bucket for her son. FML

#6779433
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33295) - you deserved it (2239)

On 12/16/2009 at 3:43pm - work - by Andy (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend of over a year told me that he will never marry me because we are different ethnicities and his parents don't approve. I was of course very upset and crying. His way to comfort me was by saying, "Don't worry, I will always cheat on my wife with you." FML

#6778697
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40481) - you deserved it (3189)

On 12/16/2009 at 2:28pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend's crazy ex, who let herself in with her old key. She screamed at me to get out of "her" bed, snatched "her" blanket off of my body, and finally dragged the bed itself out the door. I was still in it. FML

Today, I was at my 10 year high school reunion. I saw the girl I used to have a BIG crush on, so I decided to go over and say hi. She screams when she sees me. Then, she starts hitting me, looking panicked. I control her and ask why she's hitting me. She says 'Everyone thought you were dead!' FML

#6753136
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36685) - you deserved it (2270)

On 12/14/2009 at 4:21pm - misc - by Ghost (man) - United States

Today, I told my husband that while he was away I had had a miscarriage. His response? "If you can't take care of our baby while it is still inside you, how can I trust you to take care of it when it comes out?" FML

#6752846
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36001) - you deserved it (2923)

On 12/14/2009 at 3:25pm - intimacy - by sadsadlady (woman) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)

Today, I was taking the final exam for one of my classes. The teacher came over to my desk, grabbed my test and ripped it in half. Then he grabbed my hand and read the note I had written on it to remind myself to pay rent. FML

#6752587
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39096) - you deserved it (5879)

On 12/14/2009 at 2:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a serious talk. He told me that I was a quick-tempered emotional train wreck. He then said, "You know how we talked about getting married? Now the only way I'd marry you was if hell froze over." He smiled, gave me a kiss, and went to bed. FML

#6738279
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25349) - you deserved it (5795)

On 12/13/2009 at 12:56pm - love - by Trainwreck (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went to see a play. I'm pregnant, so I always need to pee. At intermission, I ran to use the bathroom, but there was a really long line. I asked the woman in front of me if I could pass her. She responded, "You don't look pregnant!", and lectured me about lying while I peed my pants. FML

#6737603
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37435) - you deserved it (2551)

On 12/13/2009 at 11:53am - misc - by justine (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my colleague rushed off to the hospital for the birth of his first son. Having met his wife at the Christmas party a couple of years ago, I called to congratulate her. Shame I didn't realize it was his mistress having the baby. Guess who broke the news to the wife. FML

#6722392
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40221) - you deserved it (3460)

On 12/12/2009 at 1:02pm - misc - by RBEE (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, during a review session for a botany class, I began to space out. Then, I started to go, "beep, beep, beep, beep." I stopped when I noticed the entire class staring at me as if I were insane. This was not the first time this had happened. FML

#6691073
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8010) - you deserved it (31513)

On 12/10/2009 at 4:29am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was attending a drug-free lecture at school. The speaker said, "There are many ways to quit smoking. You can try patches, gum, or even quitting cold turkey. Any questions?" I raised my hand, and she called on me. I asked, "How does cold turkey help?" And then I realized. FML

#6683898
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7805) - you deserved it (34520)

On 12/09/2009 at 7:53pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I met a girl who's the whole package: brains, beauty, shared interests, great personality, single, and into me. Too bad I married my bitchy, depressive high school girlfriend who said she'd kill herself if I didn't. Sometimes, she still tells me she'll do it if we divorce. I believe her. FML

#6677904
284 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43991) - you deserved it (21071)

On 12/09/2009 at 8:27am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was fired because I skipped a week of work without calling nor telling anyone. His secretary forgot to tell him about my scheduled days off for anticipation for my daughter's birth. My boss had already hired someone else so he gave me his secretary's job. Wrong time for a pay decrease. FML

Today, in aerobics, while stretching, my friend leaned over to pull the long hair off my pants. It was my pubic hair sticking through my pants, and I screamed. FML

#6660964
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14571) - you deserved it (41955)

On 12/08/2009 at 3:19am - misc - by cookscatastrophy - United States (California)

Today, my mom admitted that her story about my dad leaving us for his current wife was a lie. He left when he caught her with a coworker. She blocked his number and got a restraining order to keep him from telling his side of the story. I haven't talked to my dad for six years because of this. FML

#6590388
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47254) - you deserved it (2012)

On 12/03/2009 at 9:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



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