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newburton13

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newburton13

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  • Number of visits : 9427
  • Number of comments : 750
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

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You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, saying I was immature for making gay jokes all the time. A few hours later, I got six texts and three calls from guys I didn't know. It turns out, she put my name and number on Craigslist as a gay man seeking a relationship. FML

#8013875
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11265) - you deserved it (48861)

On 02/08/2010 at 3:21pm - love - by christian9294 - United States (Ohio)

Today, my dad and I had an argument. Then we went outside to shovel the snow out of the driveway. I heard him yelling and figured he was just yelling at me some more, so I turned my iPod up so I couldn't hear him anymore. Turns out he had fallen, cracked a rib, and needed help up. FML

#8008205
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9450) - you deserved it (38169)

On 02/08/2010 at 10:19am - misc - by skinsfan7592 (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my maid washed my PS3. Yes, with soap and water. FML

Today, my mother told me that the carbon-monoxide alarm went off last night, but since she didn't smell any gas, she decided to just remove the batteries and go back to bed. I had to explain to her that you can't smell carbon monoxide, and that we could have died in our sleep. FML

#7936537
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41548) - you deserved it (2104)

On 02/06/2010 at 1:22pm - misc - by Kelso (woman) - United States

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. My mother turned to me and said, "Wait you're actually gay? I thought you were just saying that to piss off your father." I came out to her when I was 16, and have confided in her about my past relationships. FML

#7873288
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28780) - you deserved it (4208)

On 02/04/2010 at 9:52am - love - by EchoDearEcho (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, after calling my boyfriend and telling him that my dog had just died, he hesitated and stuttered "She was old, sick, and suffering. Babe, it was her time to go." He then informed me he had to go to his friend's house and hung up. My dog was 2, in great health, and was hit by a car. FML

#7835158
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29249) - you deserved it (2517)

On 02/03/2010 at 12:03am - animals - by Brittany (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got a ticket. The officer's daughter is my ex. He gave me a ticket for 31 in a 30 mph zone. FML

#7803637
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34311) - you deserved it (4987)

On 02/02/2010 at 12:47am - misc - by anoynomous - Sent from mobile version

Today, my mother gave my daughter a behavior chart. I noticed that "drinking beer" was at the top of one of the columns. It's a chart for my daughter to use on me so my mother can judge my parenting skills. I am currently losing a sticker right now for being on the computer. FML

#7775302
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29095) - you deserved it (4395)

On 02/01/2010 at 8:17am - kids - by argh (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating so I broke up with him. As revenge he threw my PS3 and XBox out of the window when I wasn't in our house. I got those consoles out of the spare money my three jobs had brought in - the same three jobs I had to get because he refused to get a job of his own. FML

#7702902
300 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38169) - you deserved it (7813)

On 01/30/2010 at 10:17am - love - by GamerGirl (woman) - United Kingdom (St. Helens)

Today, I went in to work and was handed a write-up for having lied about being sick in order to leave early yesterday. Apparently, a co-worker saw me leave the parking lot, then immediately pull into the shopping center next door. I was going to Walgreens for cold medicine. FML

#7662732
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27871) - you deserved it (1848)

On 01/29/2010 at 12:10am - health - by sixxie (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my dad found out I got a tattoo behind his back and is really really upset. When I got home from work my car wasn't in the driveway. When I asked my dad where it was, he replied "you'll get it back when your tattoo comes off." FML

#7638250
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12497) - you deserved it (34856)

On 01/28/2010 at 8:08am - misc - by tattooooooface - United States

Today, I found out a friend of mine likes me. It wasn't by a cute gesture like a sweet little note, or a beautiful heartfelt confession like you might expect. He sprang at my boyfriend and choked him (while I strained to pull him off). Right during the middle of our 60+ student populated class. FML

#7635822
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26103) - you deserved it (2620)

On 01/28/2010 at 3:09am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my boss screamed at me for almost an hour because, apparently, I hurt my coworker's feelings when I stopped speaking to her after finding out that she was sleeping with my boyfriend. FML

Today, my parents got me a new computer for my birthday. They also took the liberty of throwing out my old computer, with 8 years of photos, videos, music, documents, emails, and bookmarks on it. But that's okay, I had a backup. They threw that out too. FML

#7591747
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35894) - you deserved it (2083)

On 01/26/2010 at 4:25pm - misc - by computergeek (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend kept trying to convince me to do anal with him. After denying him several times he told me "Why it feels good, trust me." I asked him how would he know. There was a long awkward silence when he then replied with "I'm not gay I swear." FML

#7563904
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30634) - you deserved it (4365)

On 01/25/2010 at 3:47am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)



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