Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

newburton13

Online | Search for a member

newburton13

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 16344
  • Number of comments : 766
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

newburton13's page activity

Visits<b>ChaoticGamer</b> - the 12/23/2015 at 11:07pm<b>Myorafield</b> - the 12/13/2015 at 11:43pm<b>mastorgaming</b> - the 11/30/2015 at 12:34am<b>lex1459</b> - the 11/24/2015 at 4:59am<b>loserface210</b> - the 11/04/2015 at 9:49pm<b>Marmarfarfar</b> - the 11/04/2015 at 8:53pm<b>andres1419</b> - the 09/25/2015 at 12:10am<b>SurfingPichu</b> - the 09/09/2015 at 9:32pm<b>carlfirebolt</b> - the 08/29/2015 at 4:21pm<b>alexisaurus</b> - the 08/05/2015 at 2:36pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 07/03/2015 at 11:13pm<b>madison123xx</b> - the 04/27/2015 at 4:25pm<b>kukumber</b> - the 04/24/2015 at 6:51pm<b>kelseysking</b> - the 11/15/2014 at 2:52pm<b>taintedtruffle</b> - the 10/18/2014 at 11:35pm<b>EimP</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 8:12pm<b>KimmieHappyKat</b> - the 06/05/2014 at 12:51am<b>ArmenMM</b> - the 05/28/2014 at 12:43pm

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 07/04/2015 at 5:13am<b>madison123xx</b> - the 04/27/2015 at 10:26pm

newburton13's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

See all of newburton13's badges

newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, I was riding the public bus and a really fat, smelly guy sat next to me. He put his arm around my shoulder and asked me if I was single. My stop wasn't for three more miles. FML

#12760106
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36953) - you deserved it (3547)

On 08/26/2010 at 7:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my parents threw out the beautiful birthday cake my aunt made me, and served celery sticks at my party because I need to "watch my weight." FML

#12716551
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37947) - you deserved it (6107)

On 08/24/2010 at 4:34am - misc - by jace17 - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML

#12677495
267 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46570) - you deserved it (13637)

On 08/22/2010 at 2:58am - kids - by Bailey - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my boyfriend started to kiss my boobs. I am pregnant and started my lactation period. Now every time he looks at me he calls me milky way. FML

#12674562
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33319) - you deserved it (5668)

On 08/22/2010 at 12:26am - intimacy - by ananomus - United States (Ohio)

Today, one of my mum's dinner guests walked in on me and my boyfriend kissing, only to let out a horrified scream. Apparently my mum had introduced my boyfriend as her son, as she is embarrassed of my real brother. FML

#12524990
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41162) - you deserved it (2898)

On 08/14/2010 at 7:23pm - love - by incestastic - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was supposed to be going on my first date with a guy I really liked. He never showed up. I just found out my dad was outside washing the car when my date showed up. He told him he didn't have a daughter and to never show up on his driveway again. FML

#12376475
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43874) - you deserved it (3056)

On 08/07/2010 at 7:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, my 24 year old girlfriend plugged her ears and stomped her feet while making really loud noises in our local video store. She then refused to stop until I agreed to rent and watch The Notebook with her. FML

#12352177
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40839) - you deserved it (14803)

On 08/06/2010 at 12:34pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I got home from work to find the door locked and dead bolted, so I used my cell to call the home phone while banging on the door. My stepmom came out of her room, looked right at me, laughed, and went back to bed. This is the fifth time she's done this. FML

#12332951
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39631) - you deserved it (3582)

On 08/05/2010 at 2:38pm - misc - by Tired (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I went to an elementary school for volunteer work. I was asked to read to a group of kids during one of the classes. Before I started reading, a girl raised her hand and asked me if I had a boyfriend and if I was single. I asked her why and she said "My daddy wanted to know." I'm 16. FML

#12307637
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36300) - you deserved it (3829)

On 08/04/2010 at 10:40am - misc - by LaRae17 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my fiancé invited his pregnant co-worker for dinner. After we finished eating, he sat down and explained to me that her kid is his and that he's been cheating on me with her for 5 months. She had a smile on her face during the entire thing. FML

#12284629
370 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78532) - you deserved it (4557)

On 08/03/2010 at 8:11am - love - by Broken (woman) - United Arab Emirates (Abu Dhabi)

Today, my girlfriend's father offered her $10 to stop talking to me. I don't have a girlfriend anymore. FML

#12266634
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43966) - you deserved it (4980)

On 08/02/2010 at 1:55pm - love - by hAHAha Halo (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I was staying over at my boyfriend's house, sleeping in his sister's room while she is away at college. I left my necklace on her dresser. When I came back, it was gone. His mother saw it there and thought it was her daughter's necklace. She hid it so I wouldn't "steal it". FML

#12187023
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35257) - you deserved it (3637)

On 07/29/2010 at 1:29pm - misc - by pandaboo (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I came home from vacation to discover that one of my friends had broken into my house, painted my room a hideous color, ruined my hardwood floors with the paint, and left huge mess for me to clean. When I confronted her about it, she called me ungrateful. Everyone I know agrees with her. FML

Today, at work, I was talking to a customer. She kept shaking her head "no" at everything I said. I asked what she was disagreeing with. She told me she has Parkinson's Disease, teared up, and asked to speak to my manager. FML

#12165853
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36632) - you deserved it (7209)

On 07/28/2010 at 1:38pm - money - by RWW (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my mother continued her lifelong habit of talking to anyone who isn't white in extremely slow, exaggerated "caveman" English. She insists that she isn't being racist, but rather is helping. FML

#12006480
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46481) - you deserved it (4531)

On 07/20/2010 at 5:17pm - misc - by notmuchfun - United States (Michigan)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: