nevergetsfirst

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Offline (the 03/09/2015 at 5:27am)

nevergetsfirst

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 28 August 1998 (17 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2106
  • Number of comments : 24
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About nevergetsfirst : I simply enjoy giggling at other peoples misfortunes

nevergetsfirst's page activity

Visits<b>perfect_heart13</b> - the 07/21/2015 at 5:25pm<b>liv1222</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 9:43pm<b>xSaru</b> - the 01/26/2015 at 7:11pm<b>kellilynn</b> - the 01/26/2015 at 8:37am<b>vreid</b> - the 01/25/2015 at 3:27am<b>Tannasgh</b> - the 01/23/2015 at 11:47am<b>netflixislove</b> - the 01/22/2015 at 6:28pm<b>katebond</b> - the 11/30/2014 at 7:38am<b>countryb_cth</b> - the 10/12/2014 at 8:41pm<b>Brandi_Faith</b> - the 10/11/2014 at 9:24pm<b>IMightBee</b> - the 09/22/2014 at 5:15am<b>DRz_Ice</b> - the 09/22/2014 at 1:14am<b>brokenjawskhan</b> - the 09/21/2014 at 11:07pm<b>Enslaved</b> - the 09/21/2014 at 11:07pm<b>ECHOSPiiKES</b> - the 09/21/2014 at 11:06pm<b>orbit</b> - the 09/11/2014 at 1:57am<b>levention</b> - the 09/07/2014 at 6:18am<b>Daltron848</b> - the 09/05/2014 at 2:20am

Fucked!<b>ECHOSPiiKES</b> - the 09/22/2014 at 5:06am

nevergetsfirst's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

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In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

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nevergetsfirst's favorite FMLs

Today, my mother confused the terms 'necromancy' and 'necrophilia'. We had a great talk about why you shouldn't have sex with dead people. FML

by bobjope / 02/27/2015 at 11:14pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to my daughter's room with clean laundry. I found her lying on her bed with a hand down her pants, totally zoned out and staring blankly at the Justin Bieber poster on her wall. FML

by parental failure / 03/03/2013 at 12:03pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that sex in the woods is amazing. I also found that the roar of a nearby bear will end the amazement. Not only was I cock blocked by a bear, I almost shit myself. FML

by Anonymous / 03/21/2012 at 11:21pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy

Today, I saw an article about how some people think internet access is more important than sex. I asked my boyfriend which he thought was more important. He chose internet access. FML

by justwow / 03/21/2012 at 7:58pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy

Today, while driving home from school, I noticed one of our hot quarterbacks in the car behind me. Trying to impress him, I pulled into the driveway of an expensive-looking house. To my horror, he pulled in behind me and asked what I was doing at his house. FML

by brooke / 03/21/2012 at 1:12pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I found out that my resume contained the word "masturbation" in the skills section, courtesy of a practical joke by my best friend. I have been using this CV unsuccessfully for over two months. FML

by Anonymous / 03/13/2012 at 8:51am / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Intimacy

Today, I realized that I am so sexually deprived that I get aroused when plugging my headphones into my computer. FML

by Wow / 03/13/2012 at 12:38am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I was working retail when a group of older gentlemen came in looking for a good sound system. I showed them a top-range system and gushed about it in detail, trying to close the sale. One of them snorted and said, "See Dave, girls like her are the reason ball gags were invented." FML

by sandi519 / 03/12/2012 at 11:10pm / United States / Work

Today, my grandparents visited. My grandpa kept getting off the couch and walking around to "stretch his legs." He kept kicking out my computer's network cable and messing up my game, smirking each time he did it. When I complained, my mom told me to shut up and show some respect. FML

by Anonymous / 03/12/2012 at 10:04pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, on my way to work, I had to squeeze by a man sitting in a large truck parked next to my car. I was in a bit of a hurry and in my rush the collar of my shirt got caught on his grill. My shirt ripped and I flashed the guy my entire boob. FML

by titillating / 03/12/2012 at 12:28am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I was shaving naked in my cold bathroom before showering. My wife walked up behind me, yelled "Shrinkage!" and flicked the head of my penis as hard as she could. FML

by Anonymous / 03/12/2012 at 12:16am / United States / Intimacy

Today, a guy came by my house and demanded my fiancé come out and fight. He explained that my fiancé had been stupid enough to not only troll on a local interest forum, but to leave his name and our address, inviting people to "come shut me up if you think you're tough enough." FML

by me / 03/11/2012 at 10:49pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I watched Gigli. FML

by Anonymous / 03/11/2012 at 7:19pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was the 10th caller on a radio show. I answered the question correctly. The DJ informed I won a free air guitar of my choosing. I yelled with excitement over the air. The DJ then instructed me how to use my new air guitar. FML

by h4rdy / 03/09/2012 at 11:55am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my history teacher confiscated my iPhone. She dropped it on the way back to her desk, and I now have a shattered iPhone screen to fix. FML

by sad face / 03/07/2012 at 2:25pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous