Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

nesteremily

Search for a member

nesteremily

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not so sure
  • Number of visits : 231
  • Number of comments : 48
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 15 posted

About nesteremily : I don't comment a lot because like everyone says, "If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all," and I usually don't have a nice comment. I'm a grammar nazi sometimes and a smart ass but I'm actually nice!(occasionally.) so message me

nesteremily's page activity

Visits<b>ZY1431</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 7:14am<b>kkeeaalleeyy</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 8:25pm<b>sexyboi1985</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 10:49am<b>jbond97</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 9:12pm<b>spockadelic</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 8:39pm<b>CRaiden23</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 7:16pm<b>okcnation</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 6:30pm<b>Martinez0285</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 6:14pm<b>OochenSnoochen</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 11:46am<b>Bulldozer36</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 11:44am<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 10:38am<b>wanted_2_want</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 10:31am<b>nick2356</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 10:24am<b>Rainhawk94</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 8:13am<b>MrABomb</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 7:42am<b>AmbientFTW</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 6:15am<b>andrewhoyt</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 6:10am<b>Shayaan</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 5:49am

nesteremily's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of nesteremily's badges

nesteremily's favorite FMLs

Today, I mistook my dog's head for the gear shift while tearing down the highway. FML

#19829657
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7278) - you deserved it (22583)

On 06/22/2012 at 3:41pm - misc - by hakura madada - Japan (Tokyo)

Today, my boyfriend thought he could make a pregnancy test read positive by jizzing on it. FML

#19822088
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27734) - you deserved it (4246)

On 06/21/2012 at 1:30am - intimacy - by really (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had my blood drawn for a lab test. I was then given a container so I could give a urine sample. In the middle of peeing, I got woozy, started blacking out, and hit my head against the wall. A nurse discovered me with my pants down. FML

Today, I visited my new doctor for the migraines I've been getting lately. Right from the start, I could have sworn the guy was on drugs. He just listened to my heartbeat, said, "Well Dave, it sounds like gallstones" and said they'll pass naturally. FML

#19793957
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21238) - you deserved it (1535)

On 06/15/2012 at 7:31pm - health - by davav74 (man) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, all my guy friends kept hugging me tightly and then softly and then tightly again. I later found out they just wanted to feel my boobs on their chests. FML

#19787758
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29118) - you deserved it (7817)

On 06/14/2012 at 4:10pm - intimacy - by a chick in California - United States (California)

Today, I went to see my dermatologist friend for a free consultation on my terrible acne. During my visit, she said I probably won't be getting any more pimples. Excited, I asked her how she could tell. She replied, "There's no more room for it." FML

#19787608
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26611) - you deserved it (2219)

On 06/14/2012 at 3:34pm - health - by ultraattitude - United States

Today, I woke up to the sight of my boyfriend playing a game on my iPhone with his penis. FML

#19781755
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30360) - you deserved it (4596)

On 06/13/2012 at 12:07pm - intimacy - by Rosie (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I was really badly sunburnt, so I put on some after-sun. The only type we have has glitter in it, and now I look like a sparkling tomato. FML

#19755042
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19316) - you deserved it (4904)

On 06/08/2012 at 12:36pm - health - by miss tomato (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up from a sexy dream about my boyfriend. Too bad I'd fallen asleep in my living room with my whole family over, grandma included. They were all staring. I'd been sleep humping and moaning. FML

#19749862
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33948) - you deserved it (5793)

On 06/07/2012 at 1:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, in a drunken state, I decided that it would be a good idea to shave with a pizza cutter. FML

#19748828
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5863) - you deserved it (30691)

On 06/07/2012 at 8:10am - health - by Darwin_Award_Winner (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend in bed after a round of amazing sex. He decided it would be a great time to stick his finger up my nose. FML

#19747486
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23135) - you deserved it (4387)

On 06/07/2012 at 12:02am - intimacy - by C0r1nn3 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got a lecture about being lazy and not being active enough for my age, which ended with, "When I was your age, I was out every night having sex with anything that breathed." Thanks Gran. FML

#19745357
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25679) - you deserved it (3208)

On 06/06/2012 at 5:37pm - intimacy - by BrianTheLion89 - United States

Today, I pulled a neck muscle while head-banging. I wasn't at a concert, and I'm not in a heavy metal band, but I do pretend that I am while I'm in the shower. FML

#19744443
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9233) - you deserved it (20073)

On 06/06/2012 at 2:21pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML

#19743887
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13734) - you deserved it (36929)

On 06/06/2012 at 12:02pm - intimacy - by Rob (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my uncle gave me a lecture on how I eat too much "unhealthy" junk food, and that it can be very harmful for me. All the while smoking a cigarette. FML

#19741419
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19099) - you deserved it (3018)

On 06/05/2012 at 10:59pm - health - by Singapore - United States (New York)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: