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nerisseee

Offline (the 09/16/2014 at 10:18am) | Search for a member

nerisseee

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  • Number of visits : 95
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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nerisseee's favorite FMLs

Today, I won a gruelling fitness competition, only to find out the mystery prize was a voucher to get 10 free spray tans. I'm black. FML

#21249089
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46600) - you deserved it (3794)

On 08/31/2014 at 2:44pm - misc - by disappointedjamaican - United Kingdom (Coventry)

Today, while finally about to make love with my long term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML

#21249014
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42841) - you deserved it (4414)

On 08/31/2014 at 11:14am - intimacy - by anon - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend was entertaining himself by shoving tampons up his nose and seeing how far across the bed he could blow them. This man is the father of my son. FML

#21248639
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34975) - you deserved it (8680)

On 08/30/2014 at 7:11pm - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I woke up to the sight of a dead fly on my bedside table, being eaten by a swarm of ants. I screamed so bad that my dad said he thought my sister was being murdered in my room. FML

#21248448
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32258) - you deserved it (5733)

On 08/30/2014 at 12:40pm - misc - by liilii (man) - India (Kerala)

Today, I learned that while other people drunk call their exes, I drunk adopt cats. Seven cats, to be exact. FML

#21248352
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40642) - you deserved it (9449)

On 08/30/2014 at 7:56am - animals - by cat lady (woman) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, my butt decided to delete the 650 photos I had on my phone. FML

#21247514
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35480) - you deserved it (7008)

On 08/28/2014 at 10:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend was stroking my stomach and looking into my eyes. It was very romantic, until he grabbed my love handles and said, "Mmmm... bacon..." FML

#21247445
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35412) - you deserved it (4680)

On 08/28/2014 at 9:47pm - love - by ch4nny (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML

#21247229
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37979) - you deserved it (2792)

On 08/28/2014 at 3:58pm - love - by wowzer (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, my new boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. He started whispering in my ear, but I couldn't understand him. He pushed me away and ignored me the rest of the night. Apparently it's a huge turn-off that I can't talk dirty in Klingon. FML

#21246884
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42646) - you deserved it (4924)

On 08/28/2014 at 12:34am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. All I can remember is crying to my mom because I thought spoons were taking over the world. FML

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML

#21241836
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44520) - you deserved it (7539)

On 08/20/2014 at 5:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I realized my dog looks at me with way more love in his eyes than my own boyfriend does. FML

#21237384
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36732) - you deserved it (4546)

On 08/14/2014 at 11:06am - animals - by hopeless romantic - United States (Ohio)

Today, I attended a family gathering. My cousin's new baby was being passed around. By way of politely declining to hold it, I meant to say that I looked forward to getting to know it better once it could talk. What I blurted out instead was, "I can't wait until it resembles a human being." FML

Today, I went to a bookstore to get "The Grapes of Wrath". I have a problem with controlling the volume of my voice, so once at the counter, I accidentally said quite loudly, "WHERE ARE THE ANGRY GRAPES?" FML

#21217858
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35106) - you deserved it (11488)

On 07/22/2014 at 11:36pm - misc - by Face fucking palm - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend said we can't have sex with the light on anymore. He said he can never finish because the face I make when I orgasm makes him laugh. FML

#21216984
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36260) - you deserved it (23688)

On 07/22/2014 at 1:55am - intimacy - by teegtwo (woman) - United States



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Friday 19 September 2014

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