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nerisseee

Offline (the 12/26/2015 at 4:21am) | Search for a member

nerisseee

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 695
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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nerisseee's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

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Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

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nerisseee's favorite FMLs

Today, I was waiting in the McDonald's drive-thru and listening to some music. I was tapping my non-driving foot to the song when I accidentally tapped the wrong foot and rear ended the cop car in front of me. Whoops. FML

#21471997
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11401) - you deserved it (26092)

On 09/23/2015 at 9:14pm - misc - by stardustveins (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my ex came out as transgender. I had absolutely no problem with this, in fact I celebrated her bravery. What I did have a problem with was all my friends immediately assuming that this was the reason I broke up with her, and not that she'd cheated on me for 6 months. FML

#21471735
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25294) - you deserved it (1764)

On 09/23/2015 at 4:51am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Caerphilly)

Today, my dad was telling me some childhood stories. He mentioned I once started sucking on a cow's udder when I was 2, and I asked why didn't he stop me. His response: "You were an accident and I wasn't good at the parenting thing". FML

#21471391
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25048) - you deserved it (1715)

On 09/22/2015 at 9:41am - misc - by gotmilk? - United States (Florida)

Today, I was taking a bath after a long day at work. I closed my eyes and listened to music. My cat thought this was the perfect time to come out of his hiding spot and jump in the bath. Once he realized it was filled with water, he freaked out and dug his claws into my face. FML

#21471347
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24197) - you deserved it (2150)

On 09/22/2015 at 6:51am - animals - by lyssthemiss - United States (Illinois)

Today, I began taking a French language class. After completing and submitting some homework, I got a response. A response that was completely in French. I can't understand shit. FML

#21471290
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20688) - you deserved it (3389)

On 09/22/2015 at 12:31am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML

#21470966
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29277) - you deserved it (2981)

On 09/21/2015 at 10:45am - misc - by Gassy - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I'm on vacation in Japan with my brother. When he said he could speak Japanese, I guess what he really meant that he's a dumbass weeaboo who only knows the words "kawaii", "baka", "sugoi" and a few others. He ended up offending two locals so much that they beat the shit out of us. FML

#21469165
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26246) - you deserved it (3108)

On 09/16/2015 at 1:16pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Japan

Today, I accidentally threw a glass of iced tea in my own face, because the restaurant I'd patronized for over a decade switched from heavy glass mugs to identical light-as-a-feather plastic mugs. FML

#21469071
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24396) - you deserved it (4281)

On 09/16/2015 at 2:53am - misc - by BlueMacaw (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my teacher plugged the speakers into the wrong input on his computer, and said, "Oops, wrong hole", to which one of the students who often makes the same mistake said, "Story of my life". I understood it differently and started laughing. It would have been fine if the teacher wasn't her father. FML

Today, I was getting coffee when I pulled my lip balm from my pocket and started playing with it in my hands, tapping it on my face and lip. There were there two gorgeous guys in front of me who kept turning around and staring at me. I was actually holding a tampon. FML

#21468528
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16961) - you deserved it (17989)

On 09/14/2015 at 7:58pm - misc - by C BOMB (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I brought a boy home for the first time, only to have my dad ask him what his mother's maiden name was. When he answered, my dad exclaimed, "Oh yeah! I think I dated her in high school. I could be your father!" FML

#21468418
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25877) - you deserved it (1691)

On 09/14/2015 at 3:54pm - love - by meunluckycharms - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I slipped in my own vomit while dashing to the bathroom to puke. My knee hit and shattered the toilet; the toilet shattered my knee. FML

Today, I got called into the school by my daughter's teacher. Apparently my daughter informed her class that over the weekend she spent her time with her daddy watching porn stars while her mummy was at work. It took a long time to convince her they were actually watching a TV show called "Pawn Stars". FML

#21467707
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26554) - you deserved it (1758)

On 09/12/2015 at 5:34pm - kids - by auraya1985 - United Kingdom

Today, while blissfully unaware that it was the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, I was making paper airplanes during my free period in school. Next thing I know, I was reported for, "making jokes about the 9/11 attacks." FML

#21467190
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25716) - you deserved it (8368)

On 09/11/2015 at 6:51am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, the guy I've been seeing bought me a nice bottle of wine and cooked dinner for me. Later, we started having sex for the first time. All was going well until he ran to the bathroom mid-sex and I had to listen to him with explosive diarrhea. The worst part is, he wanted to keep going after. FML



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