nerisseee

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nerisseee

0Fucked!

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  • Birth Date : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 807
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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nerisseee's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

See all of nerisseee's badges

nerisseee's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend added me to his friends' private Whatsapp group, after weeks of asking him to include me in more of his life. It turns out almost all they do is post pictures of their shits and rate them. There is nearly a year's worth of pictures. FML

by ~~~~ / 05/27/2016 at 2:45pm / Belgium (Antwerpen) / Miscellaneous

Today, I want on a date with a man I met on the internet. While talking over drinks, I asked him what he did for a living. He said he was a salesman, and that he's really good at it. Interested, I asked him what it was he sold. "Cannabis." FML

by socksxox / 05/02/2016 at 5:19pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my now fully vaccinated puppy went to a restaurant for the first time. They allow clean, well-behaved dogs. He threw up everywhere from excitement. FML

by Pupluv183 / 05/02/2016 at 12:43pm / United States (Oregon) / Animals

Today, my wife and I were Skyping, when she decided to put on a "show" for me. Seconds before she was about to climax, we lost internet connection. FML

by 0h_Boy / 04/20/2016 at 4:03pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, while driving, a spider crawled onto my gearstick. Not being afraid of them, I casually flicked it off. Onto the person sitting next to me. The person evaluating me for my driving test at the time, who happened to be arachnophobic. FML

by Arachnofail / 04/08/2016 at 12:16am / Miscellaneous

Today, the coach bus I was riding almost crashed. I was using the restroom at the time. The bus braked so hard, I peed all over the wall and splashed my shirt. Nobody wanted to sit anywhere near me after that. FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2016 at 9:38am / United States / Transportation

Today, I was waiting in the McDonald's drive-thru and listening to some music. I was tapping my non-driving foot to the song when I accidentally tapped the wrong foot and rear ended the cop car in front of me. Whoops. FML

by stardustveins / 09/23/2015 at 9:14pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, my ex came out as transgender. I had absolutely no problem with this, in fact I celebrated her bravery. What I did have a problem with was all my friends immediately assuming that this was the reason I broke up with her, and not that she'd cheated on me for 6 months. FML

by Anonymous / 09/23/2015 at 4:51am / United Kingdom (Caerphilly) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad was telling me some childhood stories. He mentioned I once started sucking on a cow's udder when I was 2, and I asked why didn't he stop me. His response: "You were an accident and I wasn't good at the parenting thing". FML

by gotmilk? / 09/22/2015 at 9:41am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was taking a bath after a long day at work. I closed my eyes and listened to music. My cat thought this was the perfect time to come out of his hiding spot and jump in the bath. Once he realized it was filled with water, he freaked out and dug his claws into my face. FML

by lyssthemiss / 09/22/2015 at 6:51am / United States (Illinois) / Animals

Today, I began taking a French language class. After completing and submitting some homework, I got a response. A response that was completely in French. I can't understand shit. FML

by Anonymous / 09/22/2015 at 12:31am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML

by Gassy / 09/21/2015 at 10:45am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm on vacation in Japan with my brother. When he said he could speak Japanese, I guess what he really meant that he's a dumbass weeaboo who only knows the words "kawaii", "baka", "sugoi" and a few others. He ended up offending two locals so much that they beat the shit out of us. FML

by Anonymous / 09/16/2015 at 1:16pm / Japan / Health

Today, I accidentally threw a glass of iced tea in my own face, because the restaurant I'd patronized for over a decade switched from heavy glass mugs to identical light-as-a-feather plastic mugs. FML

by BlueMacaw / 09/16/2015 at 2:53am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my teacher plugged the speakers into the wrong input on his computer, and said, "Oops, wrong hole", to which one of the students who often makes the same mistake said, "Story of my life". I understood it differently and started laughing. It would have been fine if the teacher wasn't her father. FML