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nerisseee

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nerisseee

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  • Number of visits : 477
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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nerisseee's favorite FMLs

Today, I planned on telling the girl I like that I have feelings for her. What I didn't plan on was having a panic attack and whispering "I really like you!" super creepily and immediately saying "bye" and running away in shame. FML

Today, I was washing my face like I normally do. My mom walked by as I was wiping my face and said "That's the washcloth I use to wipe my ass!" My dad and brothers are now only addressing me as "Assface." FML

#21460902
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18576) - you deserved it (1877)

On 08/26/2015 at 9:55am - misc - by aaaaaaaaasssssssssssssss (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a woman at the retirement home I work at told me she was new and asked me a few questions. I asked her when she moved in. She was a new coworker, not a new resident. FML

#21457683
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13168) - you deserved it (11871)

On 08/18/2015 at 5:08pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was unloading Cokes outside of the movie theater I work at. While bent over, I heard someone call out, "Damn girl, you got a fat ass," followed by, "Oh God, that's a man!" I am indeed a man. FML

#21455147
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27481) - you deserved it (2399)

On 08/12/2015 at 9:50am - misc - by Why Me - United States (Washington)

Today, I got into the shower with my glasses on by mistake. I spent 5 minutes convinced that the fog in my vision was me going blind. FML

#21454264
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19802) - you deserved it (8356)

On 08/10/2015 at 11:51am - misc - by monster1109 (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, my psycho ex crashed a date with my girlfriend. She acted like we were still together and made a big show of dumping me for cheating on her. My actual girlfriend bought it hook line and sinker. Now I'm single again. FML

#21453385
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25625) - you deserved it (1677)

On 08/08/2015 at 2:23am - love - by single (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I witnessed my dad wake himself from a nap with his own fart and start panicking in confusion. I guess I shouldn't have broken down laughing, because he demanded to know what I did to him. He didn't believe the truth and bitched me out for screwing around. FML

#21453366
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22022) - you deserved it (1906)

On 08/08/2015 at 1:18am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, when I noticed a large piece of broccoli wedged between her teeth. I have no idea how she didn't feel it, but I couldn't stop fixating on it and started going soft. I had to cry out, fake an orgasm, then toss the condom really quickly to spare her feelings. FML

#21453082
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21834) - you deserved it (5291)

On 08/07/2015 at 8:51am - intimacy - by horsefuck (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I was sitting in a secluded corner of a coffee shop and felt extremely gassy. Thinking I'd be safe, I let out a pretty nasty smelling fart. Next thing I know, a cute guy is approaching me and asked my name, but all it took was for him to inhale once and he bolted. FML

#21452873
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21705) - you deserved it (5723)

On 08/06/2015 at 7:14pm - love - by Stinky and Single - United States

Today, at work, a customer told me how unprofessional my piercing made me look, and insisted that someone else wait on his table. It's not a piercing, it's a mole. FML

#21451761
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23814) - you deserved it (1549)

On 08/04/2015 at 1:02pm - work - by Mmorgan771 - United States (Florida)

Today, I was changing my clothes with my dog in the room. As I took off my shirt, he looked at me, ran into the corner, and threw up. Well that's a confidence booster. FML

#21450074
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24812) - you deserved it (2385)

On 07/31/2015 at 2:55pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while on a date, I desperately let out a stealth fart in my date's car. I didn't have the nerve to own up to it, even as he started panicking and thinking the smell was coming from his engine. FML

#21374172
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27661) - you deserved it (7761)

On 03/14/2015 at 12:27am - misc - by thecarisfine (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, while flirting with a cute nurse at my dad's bedside, I accidentally let a noxious fart slip out and she thought the foul smell came from my sleeping father soiling himself. I let her roll him over and check his ass while he cried out in pain because I wasn't man enough to own up to it. FML

#21369082
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15625) - you deserved it (41896)

On 03/06/2015 at 1:18am - health - by UncleMonkey (man) - United States (California)

Today, after a 7 year dry spell, I finally got laid. The downside? It was in my dreams and involved a character from My Little Pony forcing itself on me. Now I hate that fucking stupid show more than ever. FML

#21365913
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31397) - you deserved it (6525)

On 03/01/2015 at 2:24pm - intimacy - by love and tolerape, apparently (man) - India (Jharkhand)

Today, my drunken mom began to frantically scream "YEAH" "WOO HOO" and "ALRIGHT" at some kindergarteners that were singing Amazing Grace in honor of a restaurant owner who had recently died. FML

#21365671
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31725) - you deserved it (2338)

On 03/01/2015 at 2:07am - misc - by RadioactiveKush - United States (Georgia)



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