Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

neonvortex

Search for a member

neonvortex

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2082
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About neonvortex : just your average FML addict (with the exception of commenting :p)

neonvortex's page activity

Visits<b>Miku01</b> - the 07/28/2014 at 5:12pm<b>decimater</b> - the 07/28/2014 at 4:44pm<b>buckdharma</b> - the 07/28/2014 at 12:45pm<b>Peck_Kcep</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 6:51pm<b>EnoshimaJunko</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 12:01am<b>Taira_Yuzuki</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 9:35pm<b>nunchux88</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 11:22am<b>AH1Zviper</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 4:58pm<b>Wolverine33</b> - the 07/10/2014 at 2:47pm<b>morondon000</b> - the 07/08/2014 at 7:10pm<b>TrialErrorTrial</b> - the 07/08/2014 at 11:21am<b>andy594328</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 5:13pm<b>kelsorg</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 3:23am<b>CowTippingDwarfs</b> - the 07/05/2014 at 12:46pm<b>boostedc</b> - the 07/03/2014 at 11:46pm<b>I_Am_Lamp_</b> - the 06/30/2014 at 11:25pm<b>illegalbeagle69</b> - the 06/30/2014 at 12:07am<b>forizidrizzi</b> - the 06/29/2014 at 1:40pm

neonvortex's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

See all of neonvortex's badges

neonvortex's favorite FMLs

Today, I burned my right boob. I got it by eating a hot pocket and accidentally spilling the extremely hot filling. I never thought I'd get laid before. This has just confirmed it. FML

Today, after years of insomnia and going to doctors to help get a regular sleeping pattern, I finally fell asleep without the help of medication, only to dream about being chased by an angry seal and singing to Rihanna with a horse. This is probably why I don't sleep. FML

#21049132
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41022) - you deserved it (3806)

On 02/03/2014 at 8:29am - health - by Sleepless (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, as usual, I stress ate. After having my exams prolonged for an extra week, I ate three extremely large packs of Skittles, and then threw them all up. Taste the rainbow, puke the rainbow. FML

#21048665
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37836) - you deserved it (14088)

On 02/02/2014 at 10:26pm - health - by Sad Student - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was singing in the shower but couldn't hit the higher notes. My wife complained and 2 minutes later she ran a tap causing my shower to go freezing. I shrieked. My wife said my pitch was still wrong. FML

#21048056
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39444) - you deserved it (8044)

On 02/02/2014 at 11:53am - misc - by deargodthepain (man) - United States

Today, I invited my best friend to sleep on my couch while he looks for a new place. He walked inside, dropped his stuff on the floor and asked me my policy on hookers. I laughed it off as a joke. Half an hour later my doorbell rang. He took my laughter as a yes. FML

#21047796
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40584) - you deserved it (6275)

On 02/02/2014 at 1:33am - misc - by tsukinoie - United States

Today, my mom announced to everyone that she wants at least ten grandchildren. I'm an only child. FML

Today, my evening was shot to hell when I found my pregnant wife on the floor, sobbing because we'd run out of cheese sticks. FML

#21046394
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43121) - you deserved it (8204)

On 01/31/2014 at 5:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my boyfriend finally succeeded in unhooking my bra with one hand, excitedly exclaiming, "Boobies be free!" FML

#21043704
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42563) - you deserved it (10945)

On 01/29/2014 at 12:13am - love - by freed - United States (Ohio)

Today, I moved back into my dorm. My ex-girlfriend, and the guy she left me for, now cohabit next door. Now I get to hear them screwing while I try to do my homework. FML

#21043113
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48585) - you deserved it (3868)

On 01/28/2014 at 3:28pm - love - by Order of the Dangling Testicles (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I realized that my dog has more work experience than I do. He's a retired military working dog, and I have a Master's degree. FML

#21042693
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39574) - you deserved it (5075)

On 01/28/2014 at 3:22am - animals - by Pooper scooper - Guam

Today, my sister was taking forever in the bathroom, and I jokingly threatened to kick down the door. I rammed into it, and it actually bust almost off its hinges. My sister screamed and our parents came running. Now I'm grounded forever and our bathroom has no door. FML

#21040628
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22365) - you deserved it (41833)

On 01/26/2014 at 1:20pm - misc - by shit (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my husband decided to put different condiments on my body to make our sex better. I was thinking whipped cream; he was feeling ketchup. FML

#21039277
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51034) - you deserved it (5810)

On 01/25/2014 at 7:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was applying for jobs online when my father called. When I told him what I was doing, he said in all seriousness that I should just be a sugar baby. I said he must be joking, but he replied, "Honey, if I had your tits, I'd never work a day in my life." 5ML

#21037822
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41529) - you deserved it (4544)

On 01/24/2014 at 12:15am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, school was out because of snow. My dad walked in my room and shouted "Why are you home?!" I told him why, and he replied, "Then get out the damn house and play in the snow." He tossed me out in nothing but my shorts. FML

#21037332
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36826) - you deserved it (4635)

On 01/23/2014 at 4:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I went to an important job interview. I was really anxious but tried to soldier on anyway. When I was called in, my nerves got so bad that I reverted to speaking my second language. Not first, second. I'm pretty sure I'm not getting the job. FML

#21035049
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37749) - you deserved it (5455)

On 01/21/2014 at 1:55pm - work - by ugh (woman) - Japan (Tokyo)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: