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neonvortex

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neonvortex
  • Town/Country : Idiotville, United States of America
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 864
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About neonvortex : just your average FML addict (with the exception of commenting :p)

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neonvortex's favorite FMLs

Today, as I was walking home, I saw an ambulance pull into my driveway with its sirens blaring. Thinking it could be for my sick father, I started frantically sprinting. I managed to trip on my pant-leg, twisting my ankle in the process. They were just turning around in my driveway. FML

#20718780
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45597) - you deserved it (4124)

On 06/11/2013 at 12:12am - health - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my friend told me he had just robbed a bank and needed a place to hide. Thinking he was joking, I let him in so we could hang out. 15 minutes later, the cops storm into my apartment. Now I'm an accomplice in a crime I thought was a joke. FML

#20718656
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53490) - you deserved it (14315)

On 06/10/2013 at 11:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my co-workers figured out that I was in high school when my husband was in kindergarten. They won't stop calling me a "cougar". FML

#20718644
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28084) - you deserved it (43351)

On 06/10/2013 at 11:19pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I drove 2 hours to my sister's wedding, only to find out my invitation was sent to me by mistake. She had me kicked out. FML

#20712353
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51583) - you deserved it (3770)

On 06/07/2013 at 8:16pm - misc - by hopeyoushityourintestinesout (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I threw a birthday party for my boyfriend. As a joke, my friend and I served him non-alcoholic beer to see how he'd react. After a while, he faked being drunk, using it as an excuse after I caught him making out with one of my so-called "friends". FML

#20709553
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51206) - you deserved it (10225)

On 06/06/2013 at 12:32pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Senegal

Today, my boyfriend of six days proposed to me. FML

#20708141
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76812) - you deserved it (10291)

On 06/05/2013 at 7:11pm - love - by The Clitshank Redemption (woman) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, I let my step-father know exactly what I thought of him. After a few moments of awkward silence, he leaned towards me and quietly whispered, "Well you're adopted. Your parents never loved you." FML

#20707377
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51481) - you deserved it (12812)

On 06/05/2013 at 11:24am - misc - by SkeetinKeaton (man) - United States

Today, I found out my work gave me a vacation for my performance. It's a trip to somewhere in the Caribbean, with the nickname "The Sunniest Place on Earth." I have skin cancer. FML

#20706766
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49462) - you deserved it (3595)

On 06/05/2013 at 12:22am - health - by TooSunnyForSkin - United States (Indiana)

Today, my boyfriend lost his temper with me and complained that my "constant" apologies for upsetting him drive him insane, and without thinking, I said I was sorry. He hung up and I haven't heard from him since. FML

#20705829
171 comments

Today, at the supermarket, a guy started yelling at me for staring at his "woman." She frankly looked like someone had carved Mick Jagger's face into a turd. When I told him I have better things to do than ogle random women, he started harassing me for being "a queer." FML

#20703298
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40458) - you deserved it (4678)

On 06/03/2013 at 12:48pm - misc - by moreliketurdmart (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, at karate, my sparring partner thought it was completely okay to surprise kick me in the vagina. When he saw me doubled over in pain, he was completely surprised. Apparently, he thought that it wouldn't hurt, because I have no penis. FML

#20698551
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52842) - you deserved it (4411)

On 06/01/2013 at 12:31am - health - by Mayyouneverfindpleasureinavagina (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while feeding my neighbour's cats, I mistakenly switched up their foods. One has medicated food that causes drowsiness. The healthy cat got knocked out like a log. I panicked, laid him out by the bed, and spilled milk around his head to make it look "natural." I think I'm going to hell. FML

#20697165
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29335) - you deserved it (32053)

On 05/31/2013 at 10:59am - animals - by fuckshitcockwaffle (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was sending intimate pictures to my girlfriend and accidentally sent one to my best friend. He sent me one back. FML

#20690661
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53407) - you deserved it (31605)

On 05/28/2013 at 1:44am - intimacy - by Abrams52 (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, a girl at my tanning salon was ranting about how expensive it was and how she wished there was a cheaper way to get a tan. I joked, "Like from the sun?" She angrily called me a "sassy bitch", screamed to my boss about me, and then threatened to sue us when he kicked her out. FML

#20689621
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42957) - you deserved it (3771)

On 05/27/2013 at 4:18pm - work - by fuck you retail (woman) - United States (California)



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