Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

neonglostix

Offline (the 09/30/2014 at 3:42am) | Search for a member

neonglostix

1Liked!

  • Town/Country : Portland, United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 19 May 1992 (22 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 776
  • Number of comments : 32
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 21 posted

About neonglostix : Who am I? Ahhhh!!!! I have no idea. *identity crisis*

Also, I only post the really strange stuff that happens to me. Since none of them have been accepted, does that mean my life is "unbelievable?" Ba dum chhhhh!

neonglostix's page activity

Visits<b>Edogg215</b> - the 10/04/2014 at 12:20pm<b>petrolhead</b> - the 08/02/2014 at 1:03am<b>Zero_TAlent_</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 9:45am<b>sdroze1389</b> - the 07/10/2014 at 4:54am<b>andy594328</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 3:41pm<b>Bulldozer36</b> - the 06/16/2014 at 7:44pm<b>Greg1986</b> - the 06/16/2014 at 4:57am<b>Blakeup</b> - the 06/04/2014 at 11:16am<b>okcnation</b> - the 06/02/2014 at 7:39pm<b>jcross01</b> - the 05/21/2014 at 3:57pm<b>Emyame</b> - the 05/18/2014 at 5:11pm<b>bigboi1992</b> - the 05/06/2014 at 12:51pm<b>pantherfan0877</b> - the 05/06/2014 at 5:33am<b>CowTippingDwarfs</b> - the 05/06/2014 at 3:44am<b>BMX503</b> - the 05/05/2014 at 11:10am<b>hurryHM</b> - the 05/05/2014 at 9:28am<b>Dodge4x4Ram</b> - the 05/05/2014 at 9:27am<b>HersheySquirts</b> - the 03/26/2014 at 3:44am

Liked!<b>Edogg215</b> - the 10/04/2014 at 6:20pm

neonglostix's FML badges

Back from a party

An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

See all of neonglostix's badges

neonglostix's favorite FMLs

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex in the early hours of the morning. He said "Morning sex is the best thing to wake up to." Without thinking, I responded "Yeah, unless you're in prison." He lost his erection due to laughing so hard and now can't look at me without laughing. FML

#21262210
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37914) - you deserved it (9770)

On 09/21/2014 at 1:11am - intimacy - by RuinedTheMood (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend went shopping at Victoria's Secret with me. While she was in the fitting room, her parents walked by and saw me. They don't approve of the store, so I panicked and told them I was considering becoming a woman. FML

#21255419
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41917) - you deserved it (11670)

On 09/09/2014 at 11:16pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She just grabbed the ring and said in a raspy voice, "My precious..." FML

#21250558
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41648) - you deserved it (7857)

On 09/02/2014 at 2:58pm - love - by anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I went to a bookstore to get "The Grapes of Wrath". I have a problem with controlling the volume of my voice, so once at the counter, I accidentally said quite loudly, "WHERE ARE THE ANGRY GRAPES?" FML

#21217858
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35131) - you deserved it (11496)

On 07/22/2014 at 11:36pm - misc - by Face fucking palm - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was browsing the People of Walmart site, chuckling at all the weirdos on there, when I came across a picture of my mom. FML

#21214404
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50419) - you deserved it (6784)

On 07/19/2014 at 6:38pm - misc - by Death By Parent (woman) - United States

Today, I found out that my cat, that I've had for 3 years, is actually my neighbor's missing cat. FML

#21212155
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48062) - you deserved it (6174)

On 07/17/2014 at 7:32pm - animals - by kittynapper - United States (Colorado)

Today, I discovered the downside to having a "sneak-attacks-allowed" tickle war with my 4-year-old son. I had to explain to several outraged strangers at the supermarket why my son kept flinching and pulling away whenever I made any sudden movements near him. FML

#21207892
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41553) - you deserved it (6141)

On 07/13/2014 at 12:04pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, on the bus, a little boy gave me the dirtiest look, pointed at my pregnant stomach, and menacingly said, "I know what you did." FML

#21205823
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50619) - you deserved it (6626)

On 07/11/2014 at 7:03am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I woke up to an old lady right outside my open window, saying "Hello in there! Are you sleepy?" I was so startled that I answered her. She screamed. Turns out she's my neighbour's elderly mother, didn't know I was in there, and was talking to my cat. FML

#21201617
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41028) - you deserved it (4040)

On 07/07/2014 at 11:59am - animals - by ADanceWithDavos (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my son got a beating. Apparently, he went to a club, waited until he saw a couple of girls pulling a duckface for a photo, then rushed over and threw pieces of bread at them. Their boyfriends, not too surprisingly, didn't appreciate this. I had to drive the idiot home from the hospital. FML

#21190541
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42953) - you deserved it (6129)

On 06/27/2014 at 5:15pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school, when out of nowhere a bird smashed into the windshield. Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me, my daughter started laughing, eventually calling the bird a "stupid bastard". FML

#21190484
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46092) - you deserved it (8311)

On 06/27/2014 at 4:22pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Comunidad Valenciana)

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML

#21180516
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49102) - you deserved it (13680)

On 06/19/2014 at 10:37am - love - by stopinthenameoflove - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, less than a day after my cranky downstairs neighbor passed away, I woke up to banging sounds against his apartment ceiling, like the ones he used to make whenever I walked around during the night. I'm shitting myself in fear. FML

#21161740
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44606) - you deserved it (4194)

On 06/03/2014 at 3:01pm - misc - by mdsfkljsfsdrewr (man) - Lebanon (Beyrouth)

Today, I took out my phone and realized I butt dialed my girlfriend and left her a 4 minute voicemail of me farting in an echoing toilet bowl. FML

#21158120
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45023) - you deserved it (8457)

On 05/31/2014 at 11:05am - love - by wendtinmypants (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, a girl asked me out on a date to some hot springs, about 2 hours away. After a mile hike, the springs were finally in sight. She then slipped and cut her shin open. I had carry her the mile back and drive her the 2 hours to the ER, where her parents, whom I'd never met, were waiting. FML

#21156317
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47785) - you deserved it (4194)

On 05/29/2014 at 7:46pm - love - by jonchavez - United States (Kentucky)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: