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neenubob's favorite FMLs
Today, my girlfriend opened my refrigerator and began her standard moan: "You're a pig, you never clean up. Look at that egg, it makes me want to throw up, it's gone black, it’s covered in fuzz, IT'S GOT HAIR ON IT!" I got up to check it out. It was a Kiwi fruit. FML
by opinaise / 08/02/2012 at 9:00am / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Love
by biggieT / 06/13/2012 at 10:21pm / Sri Lanka (Western) / Intimacy
by YOURMOM / 12/31/2011 at 2:24am / United States (California) / Animals
by G. Briones / 11/23/2011 at 2:14pm / Kids
by sadsadperson / 09/07/2011 at 4:51am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
by wheezy / 09/05/2011 at 10:52pm / United States (Washington) / Health
by parentof5 / 04/23/2011 at 11:20am / United States / Kids
Today, I was making love to my wife from behind. As we both reached climax at the same time, she threw her head back in ecstasy just as I buckled forward with pleasure. We slammed our heads together, effectively ending our orgasms. FML
by Abyssal / 04/04/2011 at 2:29pm / United States (Utah) / Intimacy
Today, I was watching TV with my grandpa, and he stopped flipping channels on a movie with a hot naked chick getting oiled down. Suddenly the remote landed on my stomach as my mom and grandma walked in. They yelled at me for being a pervert for an hour, while my grandpa sat and chuckled. FML
by Andrew / 09/24/2010 at 6:22am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, at work, I was reprimanded for not engaging with customers enough. In an effort to be more friendly, I complimented the next customer on her interesting accent. Turns out it was from a stroke she had last year. FML
by Flippy / 08/28/2010 at 8:05pm / United States (Washington) / Work
by 42 / 07/07/2010 at 5:43am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend of 3 years in his living room when a girl barges in, sees us, and screams "I knew it!" then rushes out. My boyfriend gets up, grabs his pants and while chasing after her yells "baby she's nothing, you know I only love you!" FML
by anonymous / 04/07/2010 at 12:21am / United States (West Virginia) / Intimacy
Today, I accidentally downloaded a virus, which hijacked my email program. I somehow doubt the Dean at my university will thank me for my suggestion that he too could experience 100% natural male enhancement pills. FML
by smarie09 / 03/06/2010 at 5:44pm / Canada (Alberta) / Geek
Today, my older brother and I were teasing our mom about her age. When we jokingly told her it was hard for us to watch our parents get old, she responded by saying "yeah, well, it's hard for me to watch my kids grow up and not have anyone who wants to marry them". FML
by Anonymous / 01/20/2010 at 1:50am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I met my boyfriend's notoriously difficult mother. I had been looking forward to meeting her and making a good impression. Unfortunately, I could not greet her as her son's penis was still in my mouth. FML
by pleasedtomeetyou / 01/13/2010 at 11:42am / United Kingdom / Intimacy