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necomni

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necomni
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 18935
  • Number of comments : 72
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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necomni's favorite FMLs

Today, I drove my two kids to their friends' houses. In my convertible, looking what I though was my best, I slowed down outside a bar with cute 20 year old girls in front. My daughter noticed the speed reduction and said, "Keep driving dad, you're fat and mom left you for a reason." FML

#196936
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48539) - you deserved it (38654)

On 03/03/2009 at 4:27pm - kids - by Fat Dad (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was driving at night and saw a small animal run across the road. I slammed on my brakes and got rear-ended. The animal turned out to be a plastic grocery bag. FML

#187356
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42008) - you deserved it (11551)

On 03/02/2009 at 7:09pm - misc - by himtopia19 (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was singing Alicia Keys in the shower and hitting the insanely high notes. My father ran into the bathroom and threw open the shower door, screaming. He thought I was wailing in pain. FML

#179032
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16204) - you deserved it (40877)

On 03/02/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by legit (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was babysitting this one year old. She just learned how to say yes so if you asked her ANYTHING, she'd say yes. I asked her if she liked vegetables and she said "yes!" Then I asked her if I was pretty... she looked at me and said "NO." FML

#171559
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55818) - you deserved it (12072)

On 03/01/2009 at 3:29pm - kids - by hi (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was walking through Borders with my girlfriend, when we pass a girl scout cookies stand. I see a box of Samoas, my favorite, point at them, and shout, 'YEAH'. My girlfriend looks shocked. Behind the box of cookies was a five year old scout bending over, with her bottom pointed at me. FML

#170218
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52076) - you deserved it (13675)

On 03/01/2009 at 12:55pm - misc - by Scottrick (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was stepping out of the shower while home alone. I heard voices coming from the living room. I grabbed a bat to defend my self and ran into the living room. I slipped on my tile floor and smashed my TV with the bat. No one was in my house but I left my radio turned on. FML

#159713
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15241) - you deserved it (38885)

On 02/28/2009 at 8:08am - misc - by Slipperywhenwet (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at the beach with my buddy. Messing around, he swam up behind me and dunked me under the water. Naturally, moments later I swam behind him, grabbed both his ankles and stood up, flipping him completely, only to see him watching me from a few feet away. I flipped a 70 year old man. FML

#150078
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16230) - you deserved it (45904)

On 02/27/2009 at 1:03am - misc - by beachbum (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I took my dog for a walk down by the river. I was throwing sticks for him with one hand and talking on the phone with the other. Then I accidentally threw my phone in the river instead of the stick and was standing there talking to the stick while my phone sat at the bottom of the river. FML

#102926
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15215) - you deserved it (52146)

On 02/22/2009 at 9:52am - animals - by El Boz (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I got an email from my professor with my grade for a paper. It said, "Solid writing, but you should have proofread your final draft more carefully." In a moment of annoyance, I typed in the reply box, "God should have proofread your FACE more carefully." My elbow hit the send button. FML

#97434
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13591) - you deserved it (57974)

On 02/21/2009 at 4:43pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up at 5 and studied for my 9:30am exam for 4 hours. When I left my dorm at 9, it was dark outside. Turns out I slept through the entire day and woke up at 5pm. FML

#77446
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39182) - you deserved it (26435)

On 02/19/2009 at 11:57am - work - by AbsolutelyEffed (man) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML

#55493
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8135) - you deserved it (56862)

On 02/16/2009 at 7:24pm - misc - by lunarboy (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was watching TV when the Jim Beam commercial came on with the hot girl saying how she likes her men fat and hairy. My mom walked in and said, "See honey, you still have a chance." FML

#54355
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35180) - you deserved it (4171)

On 02/16/2009 at 4:45pm - misc - by LonelyInLA (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went in for my 2nd day working at my internship. My bosses greeted me and told me we were going to have a meeting. The meeting was to listen to the drunk voicemails I left them on Saturday. FML

#53082
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8584) - you deserved it (63831)

On 02/16/2009 at 1:23pm - work - by Noname (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I lost 200 dollars while playing poker with my new sunglasses. Turns out you can see the cards in the reflection. FML

#52319
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11042) - you deserved it (69812)

On 02/16/2009 at 10:25am - misc - by jwz (man) - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, I walked by my roommate and his girlfriend while they were hugging. I asked "what's up lovebirds?". Turns out they were in the middle of a breakup. FML

#51436
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30414) - you deserved it (8021)

On 02/16/2009 at 2:36am - misc - by dammit_ (man) - Canada (British Columbia)



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