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This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
I agree, their lives suck
200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, a student came in late to class, and there were only a couple of seats available. I waved her over offering her the seat beside me with the quip, "It's OK, you can sit by me. I don't smell or anything." I realized after she sat down that she actually did. FML
Today, it was my first day working as a nightclub bartender. All through the evening, a really creepy bloke stood in a dark corner and leered at the girls on the dance floor. When I took the bouncer to one side to let him know, he told me the man was a coat stand. FML
Today, I caught my mother attempting to write a $1400 cheque. To whom? The proprietor of a "Christian charity fund" with whom she had been having Internet conversations. The proprietor's name, and that on the cheque, was "Herp McDerpington". FML
Today, I'll be sleeping in my car for umpteenth time this year, because my psychotic wife is again convinced that I'm sleeping with practically every woman in my state. I'm too broke to pay for a divorce, and too embarrassed to go to a friend's house. FML
Today, I discovered that for the last six months my mother has been leaving my TV on FOX while I sleep, in the hope that my subconscious will absorb it and turn me into "a morally-upright human being". FML
Today, the heating in my house broke down. I called my boyfriend and asked if I could stay at his place until I could get it fixed. He said no, and told me my overgrown leg hair would keep me warm. FML
Today, my 7-year-old daughter came up to me in a noisy mall and said "boo-boo" pointing to her hand. Not paying enough attention, I kissed her hand to make her feel better. She grimaced and said "No dad, bird poo." FML
Friday 29 August 2014