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natewilson's FML badges
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natewilson's favorite FMLs
Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML
by Helen / 11/10/2012 at 5:15am / United States (Arkansas) / Love
by john r.t. / 11/09/2012 at 7:30pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, my friend showed me a video of me in a nightclub. I was holding two Skittles vodka shots and shouting, "Red and green, merry Kwanzaa!" The shots were yellow and purple. I can't remember that night at all. FML
by Kallian / 11/09/2012 at 1:47am / Australia / Miscellaneous
by 99Problemsandfml / 11/08/2012 at 2:03pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, dressed in my sexiest nightie, I asked my boyfriend in the most sensual voice possible what he'd like me do to for him tonight. His eyed widened, he started clapping wildly and then shrieked, "SPAGHETTI CARBONARA!" FML
by Anonymous / 11/01/2012 at 7:48am / France (Picardie) / Love
by Indianagirl94 / 10/29/2012 at 6:22pm / United States / Love
by TypeOhNegative / 10/22/2012 at 11:18pm / United States (Nevada) / Intimacy
by L / 10/16/2012 at 6:59pm / Norway (Sor-Trondelag) / Intimacy
by oppafucktardstyle / 10/14/2012 at 4:36pm / United States (New York) / Health
by Light Sleeper / 10/14/2012 at 12:24am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
Today, my husband decided that he simply couldn't exist any longer without giving me his own version of a wet-willy. He creeped up on me as I was sleeping and wiggled his wet penis around in my ear. FML
by Anonymous / 10/13/2012 at 5:54pm / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/12/2012 at 7:39pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
Today, I had to eat my breakfast in terrified silence, as my hungover mother staggered into the room, shouted at the kettle for not boiling fast enough, and after a few seconds, screamed that I'd sabotaged it. I'm now grounded for supposedly trying to fuck with her head. FML
by WTF / 10/12/2012 at 7:00pm / New Zealand (Waikato) / Miscellaneous
Today, as my dad and I were leaving a store, a man asked us if we could donate to an Alzheimer's fund. My dad hates being asked for money, and so he immediately hunched over and acted like a dirty, senile old man all the way to the car. FML
by Anonymous / 10/12/2012 at 6:38pm / United States / Money
Today, I was invited to my boyfriend's house for dinner for the first time. His mom made a fantastic dinner, so I showed my appreciation by eating the lot. Apparently I was overdoing it because when I looked up everyone was staring. His dad muttered, "Slow the hell down." FML
by OhMeGerd / 10/05/2012 at 10:56am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had… 2Today, I've stopped smoking, lost 30 pounds, taken several painful tests, and checked my ovulation… 3Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went…