About narutofan001 : All you need to know about me is that there is nothing to know.
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narutofan001's favorite FMLs
Today, I was at a meeting. One of the other members decided to share that their cat had passed away recently. I got an uncontrollable nervous laugh, started crying because I was laughing so hard, and left the room while everyone watched in horror. FML
by Honey Badger / 03/08/2012 at 12:47am / United States / Work
by Kayla_Zee_Ninja / 03/07/2012 at 11:06pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my son asked me for advice over his girlfriend not "respecting" his pathetic need for near-constant sex. I got so bored listening to the misogynistic horse-shit spewing out of his mouth that I totally zoned out. I came to as he started hurling abuse at me for not siding with him. FML
by Alfie4 / 03/05/2012 at 5:30pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on in a water park changing stall. A woman and a security guard barged in and angrily told us that there were children around. We were escorted out of the park wearing nothing but our swimsuits. FML
Today, after suffering with bad constipation and having to eat special bread to get me to go, I have practically just pooped out a week's worth of food in 15 minutes, and I'm still going. I've passed the ring of fire stage, now I just can't feel my asshole. FML
by awhmaaan / 02/27/2012 at 10:55am / United Kingdom / Health
Today, I was on a date with a guy I've been crushing on. In the middle of the dinner, he said he had to go get something from his car. When I asked what it was, he smiled and said it was a surprise. I waited for my surprise for half an hour. Then I decided to pay the bill and go home and cry. FML
by kingpig / 02/02/2012 at 1:00pm / Sweden (Skane Lan) / Love
by Anonymous / 01/26/2012 at 6:53am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I went with my friend door-to-door selling chocolates. We went to the first house, and the guy decided to buy a chocolate from each of us. He didn't have change and neither did we, so he just took the chocolates and slammed the door in our face. FML
by Anonymous / 12/18/2011 at 8:52pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Money
Today, my coworker friend told me she was going to the restroom. Soon after, I did the same. Once in the stall, I could smell a stench emanating from the next one. I yelled, "Ew, you stinky bitch" and sprayed air freshener under the partition. As I left the stall, my friend walked into the restroom. FML
by stinky / 12/11/2011 at 11:46pm / United States (Indiana) / Work
Today, I drove into the parking lot at work, and discovered too late that there were patches of ice everywhere. As I turned to enter my usual spot, I lost control of the vehicle, and despite my pleas, praying, and profanity, it glided straight into my boss' car. FML
by charliebravo77 / 12/09/2011 at 3:14pm / United States (Illinois) / Work
by AmericanDream / 12/01/2011 at 12:41am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to the orthodontist. The lady took a break and went to use the restroom. Apparently she didn't bother to take her gloves off, and they smelled like straight up pee. She had her hands in my mouth for over an hour. FML
by Bob / 11/22/2011 at 1:06pm / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, my girlfriend tried to change her pad while we were sitting in a crowded movie theatre. She succeeded and slipped the used pad into her purse. I can't get rid of the memory, and I don't think I can ever eat popcorn again. FML
by ohdear / 10/31/2011 at 11:38am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
by lonely / 10/24/2011 at 10:55am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I'd just finished feeding my parrot and sweeping all the seeds under the cage. As I was walking away, my parrot whistled. I turned around to see him get up onto the food dish, pick up a clawful of food and toss it on the floor. FML
by kemando / 10/06/2011 at 6:20am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous