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Mobility
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Today, I woke up with a hangover after an intense night out. I decided to look at my camera to figure out what happened the night before. All my pictures were deleted except one video of me dancing to Lollipop by Lil Wayne, and giving a lapdance and head to my giant plush rat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7710) - you deserved it (39635)
On 05/31/2009 at 1:48am - misc - by crunkdrunk (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was sitting under a tree at a park. The dirt felt a little damp, so I assumed it was dew from the night. A homeless man walks over and asks me to move, then starts to pee under the tree, followed by another man. I was sitting in their bathroom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40964) - you deserved it (2928)
On 05/29/2009 at 8:43pm - misc - by Wade (man) - United States (California)
Today, me and my girlfriend were heading back to her place. On the way there, she was rubbing and stroking me. When we got there, I asked her mom for a congrats hug. I forgot I had a hard on from my girlfriend. She felt it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14632) - you deserved it (49332)
On 05/27/2009 at 5:45am - intimacy - by arctic1 (man) - United States (Alaska)
Today, a waiter came up and and put out his hand so I gave him a high five and pounded it. He then says, "Um, that was a nice high five but I wanted your plate." FML
I agree, your life sucks (9345) - you deserved it (42177)
On 05/24/2009 at 1:01am - misc - by Clueless (woman) - United States
Today, my boss came storming towards me, screaming just how tired she is with my constant bullshit. Already pissed off, I retorted that she's a bitch and should go lose some pounds. Turns out she was talking to her husband on her bluetooth headset. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17092) - you deserved it (63260)
On 05/21/2009 at 3:16pm - work - by unemployed (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was talking to this guy that I like a lot and I think he likes me back. When he told me I was beautiful I laughed so hard that I farted. Loudly. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44848) - you deserved it (17322)
On 05/21/2009 at 3:13pm - love - by ECullen (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, my friend had to take my cat who has a tumor to be put down when I wasn't home since I couldn't bare to take him myself. I have two cats. He took the wrong one. FML
I agree, your life sucks (350361) - you deserved it (41208)
On 05/10/2009 at 3:01pm - animals - by catlady (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, my manager bailed on me during the afternoon rush; swamped and distracted, I cut off the pad of my thumb in a cheese slicer. Some clinic hours later I returned, hungry and sick with blood loss, to sign WC papers. Manager's only words: "You're staying late to cover your long break, right?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (45822) - you deserved it (1771)
On 05/07/2009 at 12:53am - work - by Sarah (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I had some pretty bad stomach pain, so I went to the bathroom. After a few minutes, two girls walked in, taking stalls next to me. That's when my farts began to get very large and explosive. Not only did they break into laughter, they waited for me to come out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62513) - you deserved it (3467)
On 05/06/2009 at 3:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was snuggling with my neighbors four week old kitten while babysitting their kids. I fell asleep, rolled over, and woke up next to a dead kitten. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64154) - you deserved it (47684)
On 04/26/2009 at 12:45pm - misc - by Fykkhttdsetkkhvln - United States (Ohio)
Today, my boss confessed to me that she doesn't know how to change the staples in the staplers at work, so she just switches them when they run out. We work at an office supply store. She makes six figures. I make $10 an hour. And she just got awarded a trip to Aruba for doing a "great job". FML
I agree, your life sucks (50486) - you deserved it (2133)
On 04/24/2009 at 12:36am - work - by Idiocracy (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I took the bus to work and a sweet old lady got on after me and sat next to me. Halfway to work, she fell asleep and her head was on my shoulder. Trying to be nice, I gently tried to wake her up before my stop came. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (564299) - you deserved it (35957)
On 04/13/2009 at 10:11pm - health - by meteorbabe0101 (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I ordered a pizza over the phone from Pizza Hut. I turned at the store and waited for over 25 minutes. When they saw me sitting there for such a long time, they eventually asked what i was waiting for. I'd called the wrong Pizza Hut. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8373) - you deserved it (47748)
On 04/10/2009 at 11:38am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I had to return a shirt to Target. My mom offered to do it for me on her way to work, so I gave her the shirt and receipt. Later, I realized that on the same receipt I had purchased condoms, lube, and whipped cream. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12187) - you deserved it (59475)
On 04/08/2009 at 4:34pm - misc - by UGH (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML
I agree, your life sucks (284918) - you deserved it (28921)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Monday 17 June 2013
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