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Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML
I agree, your life sucks (56375) - you deserved it (7989)
On 05/04/2013 at 8:51am - kids - by wtfmama (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58761) - you deserved it (6762)
On 04/24/2013 at 2:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, my seven-year-old nephew challenged me to a push up contest in front of my girlfriend. He beat me, and then asked my girlfriend why she's dating a pussy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44612) - you deserved it (18132)
On 04/24/2013 at 12:55am - kids - by BIGCHEIFAAA (man) - United States (California)
Today, I posted a video of a dance I choreographed on Facebook. I got a notification a few hours later telling me that my grandpa had also shared it. His caption? "My granddaughter dances like a gay baboon and this dance sucks balls. Throw grapes at her." Thanks grandpa. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42297) - you deserved it (8122)
On 04/19/2013 at 3:27am - misc - by thanks gramps - Canada (Yukon Territory)
Today, my boyfriend of 2 weeks said that he was going to cook me dinner. After waiting for the frozen pizza that he decided to make for me to be completely cooked, he said, "Oh I hate this part", reached into the oven with his bare hands and took out the pizza, all while screaming. He is 24. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44619) - you deserved it (5213)
On 04/11/2013 at 11:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I played Call of Duty with my new flatmate. He continuously lost and was outraged that a girl beat him. It resulted in him shouting at me, claiming that since I'm Muslim, I must be part of the Taliban, which would explain my gaming skills. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38771) - you deserved it (4148)
On 04/11/2013 at 5:11am - misc - by zahra_786 (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, my friends and I were exchanging stories with one another. I barely got a few sentences in before they started mocking and viciously insulting me for saying "swaggered", claiming it comes from the slang term "swag", and that they never thought I was a "dumbass hipster". Really now? FML
I agree, your life sucks (27816) - you deserved it (5458)
On 04/09/2013 at 5:04pm - misc - by nice education you've got there (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40607) - you deserved it (4301)
On 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was discussing possible career choices with my relatives. Pretty much everyone expressed the belief that I'm screwed for life, with my grandma commenting later: "She ain't even got the tits for porn. God help her." FML
I agree, your life sucks (37536) - you deserved it (2751)
On 04/06/2013 at 3:41pm - work - by flea-bitten (woman) - United States
Today, I finished installing remote access CCTV cameras around my house due to the high rate of burglaries around my neighborhood. I turn it on to see my teenage son rubbing one out on the couch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29905) - you deserved it (16881)
On 03/28/2013 at 3:53am - intimacy - by couch_potato (man) -
Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML
I agree, your life sucks (59759) - you deserved it (5746)
On 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Hawaii)
Today, my girlfriend confided in me that she wanted to try bondage. Since I trust her, I said sure. After I was tied to the bed, she tickled me until I pissed myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37554) - you deserved it (7371)
On 03/21/2013 at 1:54pm - intimacy - by ldn (man) - Slovenia (Bohinj)
Today, I finally made a Facebook account after being home-schooled my entire life. I friended people that I know and their friends, and subsequently sparked a debate on whether or not I exist. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21888) - you deserved it (2539)
On 02/27/2013 at 12:03am - misc - by thepokemonkid - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I was sitting on the chair-lift on a ski trip. There was a shift in gears and the metal in the seat began to vibrate. My dad, sister, and step-mom were all on the lift with me, not feeling a thing. It's terribly awkward to converse with your family while you involuntarily orgasm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31888) - you deserved it (3182)
On 02/26/2013 at 10:00pm - intimacy - by Frostbitten (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39605) - you deserved it (11310)
On 01/28/2013 at 12:03am - intimacy - by yourmainman (man) - Canada
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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