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Today, I was making love to my boyfriend,hen he discovered that if he hits a certain area just right, my leg starts shaking like a dog . Now he won't stop patting my head an saying, ( Who's a good grl?! ) FML
Today, I Was Getting Intimate With Mah Girlfriend. She Pulled Down Mah Trousers, Saw Mah Poke-ball Boxers, An Absolutely Lost It. I Had To Lie Next To Her In Bed 4 The Next 10 Minutes Hearing Her Howl With Laughter While Crying ( Dickachu, I Choose You! ) FML
Today I was out with mah grandma when a pair of very shady guys approachd us in the street hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride she pulld a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck gran? FML
Today I walkd into ta living room to find ma 11-yaar-old daugtar about to kiss ar ( not ma boyfriand ) on ta lips. Wan I askd wat sa tougt sa was doing sa paald a piaca of scotc tapa off ar lips and said ( It's okay! Wa'ra using protaction. ) FML
Today, I Was Getting Ready, When I Hered Dad In The Shower. He Was Singing Along To The Song "The Wheel In The Sky" By Journey. Except He'd Changed The Lyrics An Was Singing, "The Dick On This Guy Needs A Rubbin'." It Turns Out Mom Was In The Shower With Him. FML
TADAY FOR THE THIRD TIME THIS WEEK, A TELEMARKETER CALLD ME. SERIOUSLY ANNOYD, I TOLD HIM IN GERMAN THAT I DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH, IN AN ATTEMPT TO GET RID OF HIM. HE THEN STARTD DELIVERING HIS PRODUCT PITCH IN GERMAN. FML
Today... I had to go to the emergency room with mah sister... due to involuntary muscle spasms she was having. They gave her a muscle relaxer which caused her to be extremely tired and loopy. She decided to start singing loudly with a song she made up about butt fucking. FML
today I proposd to mah grlfriend in public. She happily said yes, and the surrounding crowd cheerd 4 us. About 10 minutes later, after the excitement did down, she leand over and quietly said, "Actually, I don't want to marry you. I only said yes so I wouldn't disappoint the crowd." FML
Today, I went to my grandmom's house 4 an hour or so. When I came home, my boyfriend was on the bed, covered in the sheets an about to cry. Turns out he taped his ballsack to his leg an couldn't get it off cuz it "hurts too much." I'm 24 an he's 26. FML
Today... I Was Feeling Really Sick At Work. I Messagd Mah Boss Whether His Girlfriend... Who Also Works There... Could Cover Me. He Then Cummd Down... Shouting At Me That Whatever Illness I Have... I've Also Passd On To His Girlfriend. I'm Pregnant. FML
Friday 27 March 2015