About n_epic_fail : Did I offend you?
I don't care.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Profile completed
You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.
Back from a party
An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.
Today, after having a shower, I walked back into my room butt naked. As I looked up I saw the window cleaner staring right at me. I looked. He looked. And without thinking I dropped straight to the floor to hid myself, then realized my naked butt was still staring right at him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11296) - you deserved it (4933)
On 12/10/2009 at 2:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)
Today, at work, I screamed, used one of my employees as a human shield, dove for cover, and cried. Why? A bat flew into my store. Bats scare me shitless. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17813) - you deserved it (8142)
On 11/17/2009 at 3:55pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I saw a grasshopper in the urinal so I decided to pee on it. It jumped out, scared the hell out of me, and I peed all over myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5180) - you deserved it (52009)
On 11/14/2009 at 4:37pm - animals - by TheMichaelNixon - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I asked a girl I like out. She ended up having an asthma attack because she was laughing so hard. I guess that's a no. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30877) - you deserved it (1837)
On 11/14/2009 at 1:38pm - love - by asthma_attacker (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I got home from work and heard the shower in my bathroom running. Thinking my wife was taking a shower, I got completely undressed and walked in. My wife wasn't in the shower, instead I found my daughter and her boyfriend in the shower, making out. There was an awkward moment of silence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25715) - you deserved it (6438)
On 10/24/2009 at 1:35pm - intimacy - by sad_dad (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML
I agree, your life sucks (75286) - you deserved it (10634)
On 10/14/2009 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my two year old daughter did not want to leave the toy store, when I picked her up she started screaming at the top of her lungs, "YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!". FML
I agree, your life sucks (46181) - you deserved it (2302)
On 07/30/2009 at 7:34am - kids - by Herdad (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew
Today, my nine year old son went around telling everyone that me and my husband had a "foursome" last month. It turns out that some douchebag counselor at the camp he goes to thought it would be funny to tell him that a foursome was a divorce. All of his friend's parents think we're kinky freaks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37856) - you deserved it (2913)
Today, I was home alone in the shower when in the opening of the curtain, I could see a man in a ski mask. I passed out, hit my head on the tub. I then found out it was my dad pulling a prank on me. I almost died cause my dad wanted to see me scream like a girl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42406) - you deserved it (3295)
On 07/01/2009 at 12:31pm - misc - by dfan13 (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was getting a pedicure and the woman sitting next to me asked the lady if she could take the skin she had scraped off my feet home to her birds because they love skin. She then describes for 20 minutes how her birds love to sit on her when her sunburn is peeling and eat her skin. FML
I agree, your life sucks (71986) - you deserved it (3127)
On 06/25/2009 at 4:34am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30926) - you deserved it (276449)
On 06/07/2009 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was trying to remove a temporary tattoo my friend put on my cheek. When warm water and soap didn't work, I tried something else. Just so you know, Mr. Clean Magic Erasers do not, in fact, work by magic. Tell that to the massive chemical burn covering half my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13160) - you deserved it (79461)
On 05/19/2009 at 10:19am - misc - by morningeyes (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24648) - you deserved it (107276)
On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, at work, some little girl went in the bathroom for quite a while. Came out for two minutes and went back in. She then came out with her finger clutched in a paper towel. One of the other coworkers went in to check the bathroom. The little girl wrote "Hi!" with her own poop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35338) - you deserved it (1650)
On 05/15/2009 at 3:20am - work - by RunningMurphy (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I was walking on the track when this really cute guy shows up. I was hot and sweaty, and wanted to impress him by pouring water on myself. Instead of being turned on, all he saw was me wiping my face on my shirt screaming. It wasn't water, I forgot I had brought Sprite. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7961) - you deserved it (73746)
On 05/06/2009 at 7:36am - love - by gymbob (woman) - United States (Indiana)
Monday 17 June 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML 
Follow the FML blog 
Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
