myselfami

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myselfami

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 17 February 1988 (28 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1587
  • Number of comments : 11
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 12 posted

About myselfami : Not going to lie, a lot of the crap that happens to me is probably my own fault if you trace it back far enough. >.>

myselfami's page activity

Visits<b>Joshwarrior</b> - the 08/23/2016 at 9:25pm<b>see_court</b> - the 08/05/2016 at 10:25am<b>tygerarmy</b> - the 07/03/2016 at 1:54pm<b>DerSuldam</b> - the 03/26/2016 at 4:21pm<b>ilovemonkeybutts</b> - the 01/05/2016 at 3:36pm<b>Cookie_Overlord</b> - the 09/11/2015 at 5:12pm<b>boricualuv</b> - the 08/14/2015 at 8:09pm<b>daken96</b> - the 06/22/2015 at 1:26pm<b>bethyc4</b> - the 06/11/2015 at 6:18am<b>ajean97</b> - the 05/19/2015 at 1:42pm<b>Vanlendauman</b> - the 03/21/2015 at 12:52am<b>amanda1472</b> - the 02/28/2015 at 2:47pm<b>AnnaDeWitt</b> - the 02/04/2015 at 7:13am<b>ireply_wlyrics</b> - the 01/12/2015 at 7:21pm<b>Harpy</b> - the 12/29/2014 at 8:16pm<b>rocker_chick23</b> - the 11/27/2014 at 12:59pm<b>Ian_from_0070</b> - the 10/18/2013 at 8:23pm<b>MattOnFML</b> - the 07/29/2013 at 5:06pm

Fucked!<b>Joshwarrior</b> - the 08/24/2016 at 3:25am

myselfami's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

myselfami's favorite FMLs

Today, I subbed for a first grade class. They were releasing butterflies. Butterflies scare me shitless. A bunch of 7 year-olds watched as I screamed hysterically when one landed on me. FML

by mottephobe / 04/06/2011 at 2:22am / United States (Utah) / Animals

Today, my dad bought a one hundred dollar collectible light-saber. He plays with it. In the front yard. With sound effects. FML

by Anonymous / 03/08/2011 at 8:15pm / United States (California) / Geek

Today, my friend convinced me that a staple gun doesn't work on skin. I decided to put this new piece of information to the test. FML

by ouch / 03/08/2011 at 10:50am / United Kingdom (London) / Health

Today, I found my mother in tears, so I asked her what was wrong. She told me, "It's your father, he wants a divorce..." I asked if he'd met another woman, and my mom replied "No, not a woman..." FML

by Anonymous / 03/05/2011 at 6:43am / France (Alsace) / Love

Today, my mom was snooping around my room, and found the unopened box of glow in the dark condoms I bought myself year ago. She laughed and said, "No takers yet, eh?" FML

by Animal / 02/24/2011 at 2:14pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I went to my son's high school play. The moment I arrived at the auditorium, I shouted out his name to let him know I made it. Thinking I was a student, a teacher yelled, "SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!" Scared out of my mind, I quickly obeyed, to mass giggling from the kids. FML

by Annie / 02/24/2011 at 1:39am / United States (Tennessee) / Kids

Today, my therapist told me to write down my secrets in an envelope and symbolically burn them. My secrets included stories of my rampant sex life, drug use, a suicide attempt, and the overpowering hatred I have for my family. I've managed to misplace the envelope somewhere back home. FML

by Elle / 02/23/2011 at 4:07pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to sell my phone to pay for the phone bill. FML

by suzyyy / 02/23/2011 at 4:18am / Netherlands (Noord-Brabant) / Money

Today, I had to sell my phone to pay for the phone bill. FML

by suzyyy / 02/23/2011 at 4:18am / Netherlands (Noord-Brabant) / Money

Today, I was paired up with a partner in my film class. He has an idea for a film: "Shoot an onion from all angles, light it on fire, and roll it down a hill". He was dead serious. I'm stuck with this guy for the whole year. FML

by Dean Heffern / 02/22/2011 at 9:28am / Work

Today, I woke up and heard a noise coming from the kitchen. I went down stairs and saw a huge guy in there. I got a vase and hit him over the head, not realizing it was my mom's new boyfriend. FML

by Karl / 02/21/2011 at 6:43am / Miscellaneous

Today, I had my buddies over for a few beers and, trying to be cool, I told my wife to get out of the living room and back in the kitchen. I felt smug, right up until she said, "Why? Your mom doesn't need to be turned over for another 20 minutes, dick." FML

by :/ / 02/20/2011 at 1:44pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was so lonely, I wound up talking for two hours to the creep who calls my number every Friday night and makes creepy obscene breathing noises on the other end of the phone. Turns out he's a better listener than my husband. FML

by Anonymous / 02/19/2011 at 1:17am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML

by Anonymous / 02/16/2011 at 12:14am / United States (Minnesota) / Health

Today, I was driving with my mother. The ride was 2 hours long. For the first hour, she talked about how uncomfortable sex is the first time. For the second, she talked about how I should take accordion lessons. FML

by bitchasaurusrex / 02/15/2011 at 4:24pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy