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mynewaccount
  • Town/Country : Ohyouknow(;, USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 5 May 1992 (21 years)
  • Number of visits : 2015
  • Number of comments : 65
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About mynewaccount : I rather enjoy this site. Get at me.

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mynewaccount's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend and I reconciled after having a huge fight last week. We went out drinking, and things got pretty intense, so we went back to my place. We made it to the bedroom, but somewhere between her taking off my shirt and me taking off her pants, we both passed out. FML

#20043150
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17794) - you deserved it (11284)

On 08/26/2012 at 7:18pm - intimacy - by unfucked (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I got a cramp while swimming. It took the lifeguard 5 minutes to stop flirting with a girl before trying to help me. FML

#19850221
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22674) - you deserved it (3001)

On 06/26/2012 at 11:08am - misc - by EdgardoP - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was having a funny conversation with a guy I had met on Xbox. I told him the state I lived in, and he said, "Don't tell me that, I might stalk you." He wasn't kidding. He has somehow found out my phone number, and my address. He says he's going to send me flowers. FML

#19828397
271 comments

Today, I went to the store for some pads with my dad. We got them and then went to the cashier. That's when he realized that they were scented. He took one out of the box, sniffed it, made me sniff it, then insisted the cashier smell it. FML

#19614809
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22768) - you deserved it (2002)

On 05/13/2012 at 1:02am - misc - by vron991 - United States (Delaware)

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. After she left, they told me they disapprove of her because of her supposedly lower social class. Now I have to either dump her or lose the money they set aside to pay for my university tuition. FML

#19537516
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29393) - you deserved it (2436)

On 04/27/2012 at 2:01pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I was watching a boys volleyball team warming up, and I had my eye on one of them who was quite attractive. He sent the ball a little too far and it hit me in the face. He apologized, and I then for some reason replied with, "It's fine, I like balls in my face." FML

#19475030
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14684) - you deserved it (25581)

On 04/15/2012 at 9:13pm - intimacy - by lifeonfire12 (woman) - Canada

Today, I had to sit in the hospital with my 88-year-old grandfather by myself. During the five hours I was there, he insisted on sharing the intimate details of his many sexcapades that he has had since World War II. FML

#19375039
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19484) - you deserved it (2354)

On 03/30/2012 at 7:32am - intimacy - by kawood (woman) - United States

Today, I had a nasty cough, but I went to college anyway. When I walked into class, I could practically smell menstrual blood in the air. After a few coughs, our instructor gave me an "Oh, shut up!" After half an hour, she kicked me out for not "taking the class seriously". FML

#19290632
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18655) - you deserved it (6694)

On 03/16/2012 at 10:21pm - misc - by danny5191 (man) - United Kingdom (Southampton)

Today, while making my daily offering of turd to the porcelain throne, I took out my phone and started playing a game. I suddenly felt a tickling sensation on my leg, and I freaked out as I saw hundreds of ants had emerged from behind the toilet. FML

#19215354
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27178) - you deserved it (3629)

On 03/04/2012 at 5:20pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I had a long conversation with my fiancé about how smoking menthol cigarettes is not a substitute for brushing your teeth. He still isn't convinced. FML

#19202074
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18242) - you deserved it (2360)

On 03/02/2012 at 10:54am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while waiting tables, I watched a woman pull the bacon off her roast beef melt and eat it. She then called me over and spent several minutes complaining about the our chefs' inadequacy because they didn't put bacon on her sandwich. FML

#19198099
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22920) - you deserved it (1382)

On 03/01/2012 at 7:47pm - work - by craigtm029429 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I set my alarm half-an-hour earlier so I could masturbate. That's how horny and single I am. FML

#19129332
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16179) - you deserved it (17032)

On 02/21/2012 at 3:10am - intimacy - by desperate905 - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, my dad made a new house rule: "If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down." My whole house now smells like pee. FML

#19082292
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23602) - you deserved it (2210)

On 02/15/2012 at 12:05am - misc - by Bondi414 (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, after my credit card was stolen, the thief made donations to charitable associations. Now I feel bad for asking for the money back. FML

#18973351
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32025) - you deserved it (3100)

On 02/01/2012 at 11:35pm - money - by zobara - Switzerland

Today, after my credit card was stolen, the thief made donations to charitable associations. Now I feel bad for asking for the money back. FML

#18973351
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32025) - you deserved it (3100)

On 02/01/2012 at 11:35pm - money - by zobara - Switzerland



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