This member hasn't filled in the description.
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
I agree, your life sucks (5111) - you totally deserved it (41489)
On 05/30/2009 at 8:48am - kids - by Jess (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, there were no more seats on the bus I was taking home, which meant I had to stand. I noticed that a creepy guy sitting in front of me had a boner, so I took a few steps back. Suddenly the bus went through something like a speed bump, which caused me to fall and sit on the man's lap. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54901) - you totally deserved it (3108)
On 05/30/2009 at 2:52am - intimacy - by nevergoingonabusagain (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I went to Cheese Cake Factory for dinner. There was this hot waiter who kept passing by. He saw me looking at him and I knew I had to say something. So when he approached my table I asked, "Excuse me, do you have any salt ?" and he said, "I think it's right there on the table." FML
I agree, your life sucks (4275) - you totally deserved it (40839)
On 05/30/2009 at 2:42am - misc - by getmoneyab (woman) - Mexico (Baja California)
Today, I tried to imitate Mary Poppins by jumping off a shed with an umbrella. I spent the next 3 hours in the emergency room. My leg is broken. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6088) - you totally deserved it (107228)
On 05/29/2009 at 11:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was hit by a truck while walking to school. It was the driver's fault as I was in a crosswalk. My parents met me at the hospital where I had minor injuries. They began discussing what the insurance money would be spent on. They decided on a second honeymoon to Las Vegas. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41182) - you totally deserved it (1181)
On 05/29/2009 at 7:21pm - money - by screwed (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I saw that Pixar had put out a teaser trailer for Toy Story 3. I got so excited to watch it that had to go lay in bed for a few minutes in order to calm myself down. I'm 19 years old. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14013) - you totally deserved it (29848)
On 05/29/2009 at 5:08pm - misc - by LALALALA (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was sitting in my basement watching IT. I heard a knocking at my door and turned the outside lights on to see a clown outside staring in at me. I freaked out and began screaming and jumping around like a Chihuahua on drugs. My friends told me it should be on YouTube within the week. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35841) - you totally deserved it (4924)
On 05/29/2009 at 4:14pm - misc - by dumbo (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I picked up my 4-year-old daughter from day care. As we're driving home, a butterfly lands on the windshield. Just as my daughter comments on how pretty the butterfly is, I turned a corner and accidentally hit the windshield wipers and smeared the pretty butterfly across the windshield. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32583) - you totally deserved it (7172)
On 05/29/2009 at 4:13pm - kids - by reb2632 (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I learned how my cat's flea medicine works. Instead of killing the fleas, it just makes the fleas move off of the animal. The good news is my cat no longer has fleas. The bad news is, the fleas moved into my bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28194) - you totally deserved it (2235)
On 05/29/2009 at 3:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46146) - you totally deserved it (8226)
On 05/29/2009 at 1:52pm - intimacy - by FMLFMLFMLFML (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I moved out of my apartment and thought it would be nice to leave the roll of toilet paper in the bathroom for the next tenant. I later got a notice from the management that I was being charged $50 for leaving behind "personal items." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40610) - you totally deserved it (4287)
On 05/29/2009 at 9:59am - money - by alynn (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, my friend paypal'd me some money to tide me over until my school loans come through. For a transaction description, he wrote "to get back in that pussy game." It got red flagged, and I had to talk with three female customer service agents before it went through. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28226) - you totally deserved it (2330)
On 05/29/2009 at 9:15am - money - by Jordan (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, it was my boyfriend's 24th birthday. His friends were throwing him a surprise party and I was in charge of getting his birthday cake. As a joke, I got it in the shape of a penis, with a graphic marzipan design. Funny, I never knew his overly-conservative parents were invited. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8384) - you totally deserved it (30290)
On 05/29/2009 at 7:12am - misc - by ilikecake (woman) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)
Today, I got my first period. At the airport. With my dad that I haven't seen for five years. Right before I got on a 6 hour flight. With all my pads in the bag I just checked. So, the first person I told was the flight attendant. I cried. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51429) - you totally deserved it (2355)
On 05/29/2009 at 12:47am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I learned to never blast classic rock with your convertible's top down while passing an SUV full of gangbanger wanna-bes. That is, of course, unless you want your immaculate, newly detailed leather seats to be decorated with pretty brown and white milkshake stains. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33124) - you totally deserved it (4793)
On 05/29/2009 at 12:08am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)
