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Today..!! mah boyfriend an I broke up after three yeres!! I cummed home an when mah dad asked wat was wrong..!! I told him!! His frst reaction was..!! "Well damn it!! Who'll go fishing with me now?" real FML
I Was In The Shower... When I Heard My Daughter Scream And Shout... "Mommy... Mommy! Help! Come Quick!" I Panicked And Rushed Downstairs Without Even Looking For A Towel To Cover Myself... All So I Could Fine Out She'd Just Gotten A Piece Of Dirt On Her Shoe. Mega FML
Today , mah boyfriend an I were in bd making out!! He then trid to unhook mah bra!! After a full minute of trying unsuccessfully , he shoutd ( Fuck you , bra! ) before hiding his face in the pillows!! FML
Today, my daughter's hamster pulled the water bottle off the glass, so I decided to super-glue the bottle back on. We came back an hour later to see if it had stuck, only to fine both the bottle and rodent glued to the glass. FML
Today, I found out just how easy it is to be launched against the wall and sucker-punched into oblivion by a 200-pound former Marine turned professional body-builder. I discovered this after I told mah fiancée's dad that we were expecting a baby. big fat FML
Today, mah grandmother said she's noticed that I've been very angry lately. She cummed to the conclusion that I "haven't been laid enough" and mah boyfriend is "not doing his job." Thanks Grandma. FML
TODAY, I WAS ASSIGNED TO WORK ON A HUGE PROJECT WITH MICHAEL. MICHAEL REFERS TO HIMSELF IN THE THRD PERSON, CONSTANTLY MUMBLES UNINTELLIGIBLY TO HIMSELF, DOESN'T SMILE, LAUGH OR MAKE EYE CONTACT, AN REFUSES TO ADDRESS ME DRECTLY. I'LL BE STUCK WITH HIM 4 ABOUT FOUR MONTHS. FML
Today, at a job interview, my interviewer bent forward an I admired his ass. When he turned, I couldn't tell if he caught me or not. At the end of the interview he shook my hand in congratulations of getting the job, then said "Yes, I do work out." I have to see him everyday now. FML
Today, I Fell Asleephile On The Toilet At Work. When I Woke Up, I Tried To Quietly Sneak Back To My Desk, Only To Be Caught By My Boss. He Immediately Sent Me Packing And Gave His "best Wishes" For Me In The Unemployment Line. FML
Friday 27 March 2015