I am the crazy kid that tries to be friends with everyone. I have a great sense of humor and I enjoy spending time with my family
Today, I was talking to this guy I like. He's very private and hides all his photos and wall posts on Facebook. Or so I thought, turns out he has me on a restricted friends list, titled "Creepers." FML
I agree, your life sucks (5499) - you totally deserved it (11182)
On 12/14/2009 at 12:03am - love - by creeper (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was at a party where I ate bowl of disgusting snacks because I didn't want to drink on an empty stomach. I spent the next twelve hours trying to prevent the world from collapsing into millions of demonic shards, cause apparently that's what a large dose of magic mushrooms does. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9757) - you totally deserved it (17520)
On 11/14/2009 at 8:37am - misc - by swedishdude (man) - Sweden (Skane Lan)
Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (40214) - you totally deserved it (9034)
On 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, my friend snuck up on me and yelled, "Gotcha!" I screamed and dropped a gallon of blood-red paint on my new, white kitchen floor. Now it looks like I've murdered someone in my kitchen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28220) - you totally deserved it (2351)
On 08/28/2009 at 2:11am - misc - by kitchencrime (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I was at a concert and the guy who was selling the drinks tripped and fell down the stairs, landing on the floor next to me and the drinks went all over. I went to make sure he was okay and helped pick up the drinks. After assuring me he was okay, he gave me a free soda. It exploded. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24526) - you totally deserved it (7889)
On 08/28/2009 at 1:39am - misc - by blinkme (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my mom told me she was getting tired of that smell of marijuana in the house. So I confess and tell her I will never bring it home again. She was talking about my neighbors. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6337) - you totally deserved it (39347)
On 08/28/2009 at 12:42am - misc - by Dumbweed (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my dad met my boyfriend. The first words out of my dad's mouth were "If my daughter sees your penis, I'll cut it off". FML
I agree, your life sucks (44336) - you totally deserved it (4601)
On 08/27/2009 at 6:40pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I swerved to avoid hitting a dog that ran in front of my car. The dog was fine but I hit a road sign, ripped off my rearview mirror, and cracked my passenger side window. When I got out to examine the damage to my car, the dog growled at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30304) - you totally deserved it (3577)
On 08/13/2009 at 12:49pm - misc - by animalover - United States (Georgia)
Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door "Are you jacking off in there or something?!" and him scream back at her "Shut up you F*ing cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64198) - you totally deserved it (37554)
On 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by badmom (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I woke up with a hangover after an intense night out. I decided to look at my camera to figure out what happened the night before. All my pictures were deleted except one video of me dancing to Lollipop by Lil Wayne, and giving a lapdance and head to my giant plush rat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6223) - you totally deserved it (33744)
On 05/31/2009 at 1:48am - misc - by crunkdrunk (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I did some math. Relaxing bubble bath soap:$17.00. Enough water to fill a bathtub: $10. Favorite tea: $4. Organic candle: $8. Looking out the window to see your 70+ year old male neighbor taking pictures of you lowering yourself into your bath: priceless. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46902) - you totally deserved it (7133)
On 05/28/2009 at 11:00am - money - by BABYof_theGROUP (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, my last task for the day as a high school janitor was to power-wash the concrete area where the graduation ceremony will take place. Tired and bored, I drew a huge penis with the power hose. Right before I was going to wash it off, the machine broke. Graduation is tomorrow. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9942) - you totally deserved it (44337)
On 05/27/2009 at 7:10pm - work - by waterproblem (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, a 'salesman' came to my door wanting to tell me about the iPhone 3G. I told him I didn't need to know about it because I had just bought the white iPhone 3G for myself. He asked if he could see it. So I held it up, not giving it to him. He grabbed it, ran, saying "thanks for the iPhone, bitch!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (42587) - you totally deserved it (23797)
On 05/27/2009 at 4:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was teaching my Chinese students spoken English when they got into a heated argument. When I finally got their attention, I told them to continue the argument in English. They were arguing over my bra size. They are all female teenagers. They then asked me to show them my bra. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35569) - you totally deserved it (3372)
On 05/26/2009 at 2:40am - work - by Mojo_Jojo (woman) - China (Beijing)
Today, I thought it would be funny to bother my friend Emily. I kept punching her. She asked if I wanted to fight. I agreed because she's a 15 year old skinny girl and I'm 17 year old buff guy. She beat the crap out of me until I cried. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7141) - you totally deserved it (73062)
On 05/24/2009 at 5:49am - misc - by AyoitsSteveo (man) - United States (California)
