mylifeisnotfuckd

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mylifeisnotfuckd

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3604
  • Number of comments : 13
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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mylifeisnotfuckd's page activity

Visits<b>nutella4life</b> - the 05/21/2015 at 10:53pm<b>cmonger</b> - the 02/02/2015 at 7:03pm<b>jaydoug92</b> - the 09/19/2014 at 8:56pm<b>username666</b> - the 05/02/2009 at 10:49pm<b>NaptownRider</b> - the 03/31/2009 at 3:49pm

mylifeisnotfuckd's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

mylifeisnotfuckd's favorite FMLs

Today, I decided to give my virginity to my boyfriend of four months, because I told him I loved him. Two minutes after he'd pulled out, he grabs his cell and mass texts "I FINALLY GOT LAID!". FML

by Anonymous / 05/22/2009 at 6:24pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML

by wtfdreams / 05/17/2009 at 8:33am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up after a night of partying and went to the bathroom. That’s when I realized that after passing out with my shoes on last night, my friends decided use a black sharpie and play “connect the dots” with my acne. FML

by Anonymous / 05/13/2009 at 4:15pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up happier than I've ever been because last night I hooked up with the girl I have loved for almost a year and I thought I would never get with her. This morning I saw that her status on Facebook was "FML". FML

by Anonymous / 05/09/2009 at 4:18pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, I was watching an animal behavior movie. All of a sudden, it brings up two snails going at it. I got hard watching it. FML

by stpdaziandude / 05/08/2009 at 4:51pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that my husband named our daughter after his favorite porn star. FML

by Oblivious / 05/08/2009 at 3:39pm / Kuwait / Love

Today, I was ordering some clothes from Abercrombie online and I went to measure my bust to check what size I am in American. I got my measurement, checked what size it would be and the size of my bust was not even listed on the website. Great. Now even Abercrombie thinks I have small tits. FML

by frankie034 / 05/06/2009 at 3:40am / Australia (Australian Capital Territory) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was driving down the road at about 10pm, when the passenger in the car in front of me threw something out the window. The object flew towards and landed directly on my windshield. It was a condom. A used condom. It wasn't tied. Semen spreads out quite a bit when you're driving fast. FML

by Aether / 05/03/2009 at 5:17pm / United States (Michigan) / Transportation

Today, I left the sliding glass door to our townhouse open because it was such a beautiful day. Our new puppy, whom we have been potty training, peed in the yard and I praised him relentlessly. He then walked inside the house, pooped on the carpet, and ran back outside. FML

by lalibear / 05/03/2009 at 12:07pm / United States (Oregon) / Animals

Today, I went to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor went through the normal questions, then paused for a moment and jotted something down. Later when I got back my report from the checkup, I noticed that the doctor had checked the "no" box by "sexually active." She didn't even ask me that. FML

by Anonymous / 05/01/2009 at 8:05pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, I forgot my inhaler. I had an asthma attack and had to go to the ER. The doctors told me it wasn't an asthma attack. It was just a panic attack from worrying about whether I would get an asthma attack. FML

by jlover42 / 05/01/2009 at 5:07pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, my girlfriend's mother called her in the bedroom for a serious talk. I overheard them arguing and yelling at each other. It turns out her mother found a condom next to her garbage. We got caught because her cat swallowed the condom and threw it up. FML

by badluckdrew / 05/01/2009 at 10:28am / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, I decided to run outside. I noticed a really hot guy mowing his lawn. I ran a couple of laps past him. After a while, when I slowed down, I smiled at him, and he replied You look really hot." I thanked him, and he quickly replied, "No, I mean you're sweating a lot." FML

by Eli123 / 04/30/2009 at 8:52pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I went to a concert. They had this feature where you could send a picture of something from your cell phone and they'd put it on the big screens, so I sent a picture of myself in. When the picture came up on the screens, the entire crowd of about 4,000 people went, "Ewwww!" FML

by apparentlyugly / 04/26/2009 at 12:49pm / United States (Virginia) / Geek

Today, I was snuggling with my neighbors four week old kitten while babysitting their kids. I fell asleep, rolled over, and woke up next to a dead kitten. FML

by Fykkhttdsetkkhvln / 04/26/2009 at 12:45pm / United States (Ohio) / Animals