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music_is_life22's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 03/13/2015 at 3:35pm / Bahrain (Al Manamah) / Intimacy
by Mkimmi / 02/12/2015 at 2:39am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
Today, after telling my husband he can send me dirty texts any time, he sent me one from work. It said, "Babe when I get home, I'm gonna go 9/11 on your pussy ;)". I'm still not sure he understands why that was so offensive. FML
by The Soul Of A Damned Queef / 01/30/2015 at 11:04pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/30/2015 at 3:16pm / United States / Intimacy
by Orgasmataz / 01/25/2015 at 5:10pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Intimacy
Today, my mom came into my room to yell at me because she thought she heard me having sex, saying I'm too young for it. I'm 23 and I wasn't having sex. The noises were from my dad watching porn in the next room. FML
by confused / 01/24/2015 at 10:26pm / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/24/2015 at 9:33am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first handjob. I was nervous, so when she went to do it, I panicked and yelled, "Firmly grasp it!" She then couldn't stop laughing because it was a line from SpongeBob. FML
by con135 / 01/12/2015 at 8:16pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
Today, I signed into my online class, got bored, and took off my headphones to argue with my roommates about anal sex. At the end of the argument, I put my headphones back on to hear my professor asking if someone could call me to tell me to turn my damn mic off. FML
by EvilBubbles / 01/08/2015 at 10:45pm / Trinidad and Tobago (Port-of-Spain) / Intimacy
Today, my mom got me a Christmas present. Since I'm a whovian, she thought it would be cool to get me what she thought was a sonic screwdriver. It was actually a dildo shaped as one. I opened the gift in front of my entire family. FML
by whovian / 12/25/2014 at 10:17am / United States (Maine) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/29/2014 at 4:19am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids
Today, I watched my co-worker throw the mother of all temper tantrums. He's a radio personality, and just learned that he's not famous enough to use the "Don't you know who I am?" line to get out of a traffic ticket. FML
by Radio GaGa / 10/27/2014 at 12:25pm / Canada / Work
by Bad Dad / 10/19/2014 at 11:48pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids
Today, I tried to propose to my girlfriend, but I was so nervous that I had a panic attack, fainted and split my head open. My girlfriend then fainted at the sight of the blood. An onlooker had to call an ambulance for both of us. FML
by Anonymous / 10/18/2014 at 9:23pm / United States (New York) / Love
by Anonymous / 10/18/2014 at 2:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous
- Today, I discovered my wife has been smoking weed for the past 2 years before she has sex with me.… Today, I started undressing in front of my boyfriend. He politely said, "Excuse me, please" because… Today, while masturbating at the computer, I was interrupted by a flash of light out of the corner…