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msrachelmarie

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msrachelmarie

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  • Number of visits : 344
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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msrachelmarie's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML

#21240482
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34229) - you deserved it (11771)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:39pm - intimacy - by embarrassed - United States (New York)

Today, I learned that when someone is choking you don't do the "hymen maneuver", you do the "heimlich maneuver". I was corrected by my girlfriend's parents. FML

#21240474
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26279) - you deserved it (11384)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:29pm - misc - by FANZZY - United States (New York)

Today, my two-year-old daughter's favourite word is 'No'. After leaving her with my sixteen-year-old brother, she now knows other N words as well. Niet, Nein, Non and Never. Her teenage uncle thinks it's hilarious. FML

#21240415
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29771) - you deserved it (4724)

On 08/18/2014 at 9:26am - kids - by 919191 (woman) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I took part in a raffle that was being organised in the small countryside village where I'm vacationing. I live in big city. I won a duck. A real, live duck. FML

#21237143
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32904) - you deserved it (7641) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/14/2014 at 12:38am - animals - by Anonymous - France

Today, was the first day my grandma has seen me since I started going to tanning beds. She is now considering taking me out of her will because I look like "a damn Indian". FML

#21235555
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24579) - you deserved it (30799)

On 08/12/2014 at 2:07am - misc - by kirstyrd - United States (Michigan)

Today, my fiancé said "Rachel" instead of my name when asked to repeat, "I take thee, Emily, to be my lawfully wedded wife." I was shocked, so he explained while laughing that he doesn't even know a Rachel. He ruined our wedding for a Friends quote. FML

Today, while wandering around the big city I just relocated to, I asked a seemingly pleasant-looking lady where the nearest library was. She told me to get lost, and started laughing. Then said she was just joking and gave me directions. I'm now standing in front of a gay strip joint. FML

#21225641
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42309) - you deserved it (4351)

On 07/31/2014 at 7:38am - misc - by lostintdot (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to the mall. A little girl was walking around and telling everyone that they were pretty. When she got to me, she gave me a disgusted look and walked away. FML

#21221083
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44354) - you deserved it (4378)

On 07/26/2014 at 11:50am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my class of fifth graders to write down a list of all the compound words they knew. At least four of them put down 'motherfucker'. FML

#21218609
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39953) - you deserved it (4507)

On 07/23/2014 at 7:16pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went on Facebook. The third post down was a selfie of my mom looking sad, with the caption, "God I need a good dicking." FML

#21218442
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48859) - you deserved it (11698)

On 07/23/2014 at 4:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to a bookstore to get "The Grapes of Wrath". I have a problem with controlling the volume of my voice, so once at the counter, I accidentally said quite loudly, "WHERE ARE THE ANGRY GRAPES?" FML

#21217858
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35055) - you deserved it (11471)

On 07/22/2014 at 11:36pm - misc - by Face fucking palm - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was carrying my four-month-old son in a checkout line. An older couple behind us remarked that I would spoil my son if I carried him everywhere. My son responded by projectile vomiting all over the wife, then looked at me and giggled. FML

Today, I ran into a good friend at work. I work at a jail. She doesn't. FML

#21211411
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51231) - you deserved it (4199)

On 07/16/2014 at 11:51pm - misc - by Is that..? - United States (Colorado)

Today, the couple who had written the offer we had accepted for our house withdrew it because apparently when they came by for the home inspection, my next door neighbor's teenage son tried to sell them heroin. FML

Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML

#21206318
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43236) - you deserved it (7913)

On 07/11/2014 at 7:38pm - animals - by and god shat (woman) - United States (Oregon)



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