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msrachelmarie

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msrachelmarie

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  • Number of visits : 352
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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msrachelmarie's favorite FMLs

Today, my goat decided my hairstyle was so last season and restyled it for me with his teeth. FML

#21249670
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16491) - you deserved it (2810)

On 09/01/2014 at 12:22pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I went out with my best friend to McDonald's for a late night snack. Turns out she lied to me and just used me to pick up the boy she likes so they could go stargazing. I'm now laying beside them as they look at the stars and make out. I just want fries. FML

#21249351
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27702) - you deserved it (2709)

On 08/31/2014 at 10:55pm - love - by emilyparker - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I won a gruelling fitness competition, only to find out the mystery prize was a voucher to get 10 free spray tans. I'm black. FML

#21249089
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33738) - you deserved it (2740)

On 08/31/2014 at 2:44pm - misc - by disappointedjamaican - United Kingdom (Coventry)

Today, while finally about to make love with my long term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML

#21249014
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30761) - you deserved it (3203)

On 08/31/2014 at 11:14am - intimacy - by anon - United States (Texas)

Today, I learned that while other people drunk call their exes, I drunk adopt cats. Seven cats, to be exact. FML

#21248352
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34153) - you deserved it (7898)

On 08/30/2014 at 7:56am - animals - by cat lady (woman) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, it's been a few months since my grandfather passed away. Now all of his porn subscriptions are getting forwarded to my address. FML

#21246620
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33410) - you deserved it (2695)

On 08/27/2014 at 6:03pm - misc - by dr.mantistobagon (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, my sister felt guilty and told me about the changes she secretly made to my résumé months ago. She'd put "doing your mom" and "corporate espionage" as my hobbies, and "Justin Bieber's pussy waxer" as a previous job. No wonder I'm still unemployed. FML

#21244565
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38592) - you deserved it (7160)

On 08/24/2014 at 5:50pm - work - by fuck you, tasha (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the living room. I jumped up and went running, only to find out it was my mother, who'd screamed at some dramatic plot twist in a Sex and the City episode. FML

#21243243
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35056) - you deserved it (2895)

On 08/22/2014 at 4:26pm - misc - by leastitwasntsurpriseanal (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML

#21240482
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41812) - you deserved it (15595)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:39pm - intimacy - by embarrassed - United States (New York)

Today, I learned that when someone is choking you don't do the "hymen maneuver", you do the "heimlich maneuver". I was corrected by my girlfriend's parents. FML

#21240474
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30984) - you deserved it (13645)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:29pm - misc - by FANZZY - United States (New York)

Today, my two-year-old daughter's favourite word is 'No'. After leaving her with my sixteen-year-old brother, she now knows other N words as well. Niet, Nein, Non and Never. Her teenage uncle thinks it's hilarious. FML

#21240415
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34855) - you deserved it (5589)

On 08/18/2014 at 9:26am - kids - by 919191 (woman) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, was the first day my grandma has seen me since I started going to tanning beds. She is now considering taking me out of her will because I look like "a damn Indian". FML

#21235555
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25473) - you deserved it (31828)

On 08/12/2014 at 2:07am - misc - by kirstyrd - United States (Michigan)

Today, my fiancé said "Rachel" instead of my name when asked to repeat, "I take thee, Emily, to be my lawfully wedded wife." I was shocked, so he explained while laughing that he doesn't even know a Rachel. He ruined our wedding for a Friends quote. FML

Today, while wandering around the big city I just relocated to, I asked a seemingly pleasant-looking lady where the nearest library was. She told me to get lost, and started laughing. Then said she was just joking and gave me directions. I'm now standing in front of a gay strip joint. FML

#21225641
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42465) - you deserved it (4363)

On 07/31/2014 at 7:38am - misc - by lostintdot (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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