About mspoutylips : I like to kill time on FML.
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mspoutylips's favorite FMLs
Today, I went bowling. The guy at the lane next to us was bowling by himself and had a few of his own bowling balls, and he had one that looked like a yin-yang and it looked very cool spinning down the lane into the pins. Not really thinking, I casually said to him "Hey, I like your balls." FML
by nothing / 05/18/2009 at 1:12am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML
by Ohshit / 05/17/2009 at 2:42am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by bdutton / 04/24/2009 at 4:10pm / United States (Connecticut) / Transportation
Today, my girlfriend and I were watching TV. She starts to undo my belt buckle, unzips my fly and then takes my pants off. Right as I'm starting to get really excited, she says to me, "Just joking." FML
by Hikara / 04/13/2009 at 9:44am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, I was at work at Panera. A blind woman came in, ordered and said other blind people were going to come in soon, because they were having a meeting. Later, a man comes in and ask if any other blind people had showed up. I told him there was just one in here wearing a blue shirt. FML
by superstar / 03/30/2009 at 2:18am / United States (Nebraska) / Work
Today, I was feeling sick and having trouble breathing easily. I decided to take a nap and apparently ended up sleeping with my mouth wide open since breathing was an issue. I woke up to my boyfriend trying to put his penis in my mouth. FML
by coughandcold / 03/26/2009 at 9:45pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
by RC3Welly / 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I was at church and saw a blind teenager who obviously felt lost. Feeling like I should help I went over and asked if he needed anything. He said, "I can't find my caretaker." I asked, "What does she look like?" FML
by wideman / 02/28/2009 at 2:59am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Picaresque / 02/26/2009 at 12:57pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
by Jim Smith / 02/20/2009 at 9:37pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- Today, on a train, a little boy and girl come up to me and ask how babies are made. Already pretty… Today, my boyfriend yet again unsuccessfully tried to hold in uncontrollable giggling every time I… Today, my boyfriend and I tried roleplaying a teacher-student during sex. We're both studying to be…