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mspoutylips

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mspoutylips
  • Town/Country : United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 30 July 1994 (19 years)
  • Number of visits : 356
  • Number of comments : 25
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About mspoutylips : I like to kill time on FML.

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mspoutylips's favorite FMLs

Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML

#18467751
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40300) - you deserved it (4927)

On 12/09/2011 at 10:40am - intimacy - by Aly (woman) - United States

Today, after spending hours putting up our tree and decorating it, it fell over and shattered the glass ornaments. FML

#18359248
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19386) - you deserved it (3038)

On 11/26/2011 at 7:12pm - misc - by anonymous - United States

Today, I was woken up at 6am to the sound of my mother on the back deck of the house hooting like an owl. FML

#18346239
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18539) - you deserved it (1832)

On 11/25/2011 at 11:24am - misc - by tireedddddd - United States (New York)

Today, I found a condom on my bed with a note written by my girlfriend that said, "Since you started acting like a dick, you might as well dress like one." FML

#18345679
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10927) - you deserved it (54091)

On 11/25/2011 at 10:02am - intimacy - by Dickhead - Lebanon

Today, I found a condom on my bed with a note written by my girlfriend that said, "Since you started acting like a dick, you might as well dress like one." FML

#18345679
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10927) - you deserved it (54091)

On 11/25/2011 at 10:02am - intimacy - by Dickhead - Lebanon

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he farted. He blamed it on a "nearby frog." FML

#18320267
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28010) - you deserved it (5012)

On 11/22/2011 at 8:00pm - intimacy - by Gabriela -

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he suddenly pulls out and says, "Pull my penis." So I pulled his penis and he farted. Then he started doing it again. FML

#18260975
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34438) - you deserved it (6678)

On 11/16/2011 at 12:27am - intimacy - by halloweed (woman) - United States (California)

Today, like every day, I used my phone while taking a dump. As I reached for some toilet paper to wipe myself, my sister pounded on the door for me to hurry up. I yelled "Fine," and without realizing it, wiped myself with my phone. FML

#18239656
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13830) - you deserved it (49682)

On 11/13/2011 at 5:46pm - misc - by shootme - Canada

Today, I got home late to find my dad outside mowing the lawn in the dark. I told him the neighbors were going to think he lost his marbles for mowing it at that time. He then informed me he wasn't mowing it, he was vacuuming it. FML

#18234990
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23369) - you deserved it (1787)

On 11/13/2011 at 3:40am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was working the graveyard shift as a security guard. I fell asleep in my car doing paperwork around 2 am. When my supervisor came to check on me, he pounded on my window, wearing a "Scream" mask. I panicked and pepper sprayed him. Too bad my window was closed. FML

#18208389
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13719) - you deserved it (29661)

On 11/10/2011 at 6:40am - work - by copshop - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my 20-year-old boyfriend won't touch my boobs because he is afraid his parents will find out. FML

#18203488
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39009) - you deserved it (4723)

On 11/09/2011 at 5:48pm - intimacy - by Great... (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my dad was putting seasoning salt into his mashed potatoes, when the lid came off and poured a ton of salt into the pot. My parents hate wasting food, so we still had to eat it. I think my taste buds are broken. FML

Today, I discovered that if you are being mugged, never tell your mugger you are going to call the police because he will come back and steal your phone too. FML

#18183017
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13608) - you deserved it (27867)

On 11/07/2011 at 9:53am - money - by Luke - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, meeting his family for the first time. I was leaning against him when he reached around, grabbed my boobs, and started making "pew-pew" laser noises, all in front of his family. I can't believe I'm dating this child. FML

#18159889
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32493) - you deserved it (13552)

On 11/04/2011 at 9:21pm - intimacy - by Sidney (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, after a year and a half, I finally admitted to myself that I'm in an abusive relationship. Not with a person though, with my cat. FML

#18145611
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22991) - you deserved it (9090)

On 11/03/2011 at 6:56am - animals - by Nicole557 (woman) - United States



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