msoose

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msoose

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  • Number of visits : 200
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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msoose's favorite FMLs

Today, after eight months of unemployment, I finally started at my new night job. Shortly after walking in, my boss came up behind me, whispered "hooorse dicksss" in my ear, and walked off without another word. I am terrified. FML

by Anonymous / 09/29/2012 at 8:11pm / United States (Colorado) / Work

Today, I had to force myself to take a dump at school, even though I have severe restroom anxiety and shyness. I had finally relaxed enough to go when the tornado drills went off mid-dump, and 46 students and teachers packed into the bathroom with me. FML

by DamnTornadoAlley / 08/30/2012 at 1:55am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had an upset stomach. I decided to quickly take out the trash before heading to the bathroom. As I opened the trash can lid, a raccoon jumped out. I learned the literal meaning of being scared shitless. FML

by TheCerealKiller / 08/07/2012 at 5:19am / United States (California) / Health

Today, at work in a nursing home, I had to kill imaginary dogs in the lunch room, because they were evil and trying to eat everyone. This started with just one person seeing them, to all 30 of them screaming and freaking out. I spent 45 minutes killing imaginary dogs. FML

by justlittleoldme / 07/25/2012 at 5:05pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

Today, some friends told me that my natural body odor smells like cooked beef and roasted onions. I'm disgustingly delicious. FML

by hungry? / 07/22/2012 at 2:34am / United States (Tennessee) / Health

Today, I discovered I'd left my coffee on top of my car when it fell through the sun roof whilst I was driving, showering me. FML

by hot coffee / 07/12/2012 at 11:17am / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was walking home alone, a homeless man approached me and took me by the hand. Apparently, he's been watching me for weeks and has fallen madly in love with me. He told me not to worry, though; he's not a rapist. FML

by Anonymous / 07/10/2012 at 12:43pm / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss grabbed my arm, raised it above my head, closed my other hand into a fist, and pushed it into his armpit. After staring at me for several seconds, he winked and left without saying a word. This isn't the weirdest thing he's done, and I'm actually starting to fear for my safety. FML

by thinkimquitting / 06/25/2012 at 5:49pm / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, while showering with my boyfriend, he asked if something was weird about his penis. Naturally, I looked closer. As soon as I did, he sprayed my face with urine. This is only the beginning; we just moved in. FML

by quirrus / 05/07/2012 at 5:42am / United States / Intimacy

Today, while at work, a man grabbed my beard, said it was impressive, and then uttered the words, "I love you." FML

by foshizzle / 04/25/2012 at 2:46am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I saw a picture of a dude on a Harley on my friend's wall. I asked her if it was Dog the bounty hunter. It wasn't, it was her aunt. FML

by GogoTheGreat / 04/23/2012 at 10:12pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I have been awake so long I hallucinated a llama in my living room. I have a medical condition that keeps me from sleeping properly. I've run out of medication. I still see the llama. FML

by SeeingLlamas / 04/17/2012 at 5:38am / United States (Tennessee) / Health

Today, my aunt had to smuggle me some regular toothpaste. Why? My mom isn't letting anyone in our house use anything but "Coral Paste." There are actually lumps of coral in it. FML

by teeth / 08/10/2011 at 1:00pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, I wanted to annoy my sister by playing the air horn app on my iPhone. I forgot that I had headphones in. Let's just say I quickly had to change my underwear. FML

by Brea / 02/01/2011 at 1:50pm / United States (Missouri) / Geek

Today, while cleaning up, I dropped a box of thumbtacks, spilling them all over the floor. As I fumbled to pick them up, the power went out. FML

by Ouchies / 10/01/2009 at 6:31pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous