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msoose

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  • Number of visits : 79
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msoose's favorite FMLs

Today, after eight months of unemployment, I finally started at my new night job. Shortly after walking in, my boss came up behind me, whispered "hooorse dicksss" in my ear, and walked off without another word. I am terrified. FML

#20094121
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21659) - you deserved it (1752)

On 09/29/2012 at 8:11pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had to force myself to take a dump at school, even though I have severe restroom anxiety and shyness. I had finally relaxed enough to go when the tornado drills went off mid-dump, and 46 students and teachers packed into the bathroom with me. FML

#20048959
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32942) - you deserved it (2232)

On 08/30/2012 at 1:55am - misc - by DamnTornadoAlley - United States (Texas)

Today, I had an upset stomach. I decided to quickly take out the trash before heading to the bathroom. As I opened the trash can lid, a raccoon jumped out. I learned the literal meaning of being scared shitless. FML

#20007279
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21236) - you deserved it (2218)

On 08/07/2012 at 5:19am - health - by TheCerealKiller - United States (California)

Today, at work in a nursing home, I had to kill imaginary dogs in the lunch room, because they were evil and trying to eat everyone. This started with just one person seeing them, to all 30 of them screaming and freaking out. I spent 45 minutes killing imaginary dogs. FML

#19983789
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26949) - you deserved it (2085)

On 07/25/2012 at 5:05pm - work - by justlittleoldme - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, some friends told me that my natural body odor smells like cooked beef and roasted onions. I'm disgustingly delicious. FML

#19972809
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16326) - you deserved it (3836)

On 07/22/2012 at 2:34am - health - by hungry? - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I discovered I'd left my coffee on top of my car when it fell through the sun roof whilst I was driving, showering me. FML

#19927767
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12144) - you deserved it (22799)

On 07/12/2012 at 11:17am - misc - by hot coffee - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, while I was walking home alone, a homeless man approached me and took me by the hand. Apparently, he's been watching me for weeks and has fallen madly in love with me. He told me not to worry, though; he's not a rapist. FML

#19918640
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32457) - you deserved it (2021)

On 07/10/2012 at 12:43pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boss grabbed my arm, raised it above my head, closed my other hand into a fist, and pushed it into his armpit. After staring at me for several seconds, he winked and left without saying a word. This isn't the weirdest thing he's done, and I'm actually starting to fear for my safety. FML

#19846175
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26570) - you deserved it (2146)

On 06/25/2012 at 5:49pm - work - by thinkimquitting (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, while showering with my boyfriend, he asked if something was weird about his penis. Naturally, I looked closer. As soon as I did, he sprayed my face with urine. This is only the beginning; we just moved in. FML

#19586096
362 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46142) - you deserved it (8849)

On 05/07/2012 at 5:42am - intimacy - by quirrus (woman) - United States

Today, while at work, a man grabbed my beard, said it was impressive, and then uttered the words, "I love you." FML

#19526031
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21776) - you deserved it (2680)

On 04/25/2012 at 2:46am - work - by foshizzle (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I saw a picture of a dude on a Harley on my friend's wall. I asked her if it was Dog the bounty hunter. It wasn't, it was her aunt. FML

Today, I have been awake so long I hallucinated a llama in my living room. I have a medical condition that keeps me from sleeping properly. I've run out of medication. I still see the llama. FML

#19482788
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30768) - you deserved it (2597)

On 04/17/2012 at 5:38am - health - by SeeingLlamas (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my aunt had to smuggle me some regular toothpaste. Why? My mom isn't letting anyone in our house use anything but "Coral Paste." There are actually lumps of coral in it. FML

#17429124
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34593) - you deserved it (2409)

On 08/10/2011 at 1:00pm - health - by teeth (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I wanted to annoy my sister by playing the air horn app on my iPhone. I forgot that I had headphones in. Let's just say I quickly had to change my underwear. FML

#14797258
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8159) - you deserved it (61268)

On 02/01/2011 at 1:50pm - misc - by Brea - United States (Missouri)

Today, while cleaning up, I dropped a box of thumbtacks, spilling them all over the floor. As I fumbled to pick them up, the power went out. FML

#5589145
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44075) - you deserved it (3287)

On 10/01/2009 at 6:31pm - misc - by Ouchies (woman) - United States (Florida) - moderated by Kevin Nealon



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