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Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57988) - you deserved it (2755)
On 01/08/2011 at 8:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML
I agree, your life sucks (33514) - you deserved it (8029)
On 12/13/2010 at 12:35pm - intimacy - by Wisconsin love - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, the elevator got stuck in between floor 4 and 5 at my doctors office. I had been having violent diarrhea. It was the reason I was at the doctor. Elevator was stuck for 35 minutes. During that time, I diarrhea'd in my pants twice. There were seven other people in the elevator. FML
I agree, your life sucks (82592) - you deserved it (3840)
On 12/13/2010 at 4:16am - health - by Christopher - Canada (Alberta)
Today, at Arby's, there were two cute guys behind me in line. Right before ordering, my dad said loudly "Go get the calorie sheet. You need to lose more weight before you think about going after those guys." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27225) - you deserved it (3613)
On 12/13/2010 at 1:29am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I caught my daughter attempting to stick pencils up our cat's butt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31683) - you deserved it (3698)
On 11/29/2010 at 10:03pm - kids - by Laura -
Today, when I got home, I went into my room to find a Bratz doll and a Ken doll laying naked, on top of each other on my bed. Attached to them was a note that stated, "Please, use your imagination and find other ways besides porn to get excited. The computer keeps getting viruses. Love, Mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (13923) - you deserved it (37209)
On 11/21/2010 at 6:43pm - intimacy - by sydysyd (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I just found out that my ex girlfriend is gonna be my step mother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (63593) - you deserved it (3123)
On 11/15/2010 at 6:33am - misc - by xkal174 - United States (New York)
Today, I was cashier at work. The line came to a stop, but there was still people there. I kept saying next, but no one moved. I finally looked over the counter where there was a lady who had been standing there the whole time. She was a midget. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28378) - you deserved it (9501)
On 11/02/2010 at 2:20am - work - by saraleerocha - Sent from mobile version
Today, I decided to be adventurous and give my boyfriend head in the downstairs tv room. Just as he was about to cum I heard someone walking towards the door. I took my mouth off to get up and lock the door just as he came. Didn't make it to the door but my dad saw something he will never forget. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8774) - you deserved it (25945)
On 10/24/2010 at 1:18am - intimacy - by stickyface (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13892) - you deserved it (30560)
On 10/01/2010 at 6:12pm - intimacy - by caughtorangehanded (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, someone whistled, so I turned around. The guy behind me then said: "Did you seriously think that it was meant for you?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (28488) - you deserved it (3350)
On 09/12/2010 at 10:04am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)
Today, my boyfriend told everyone I queef during sex. Even his parents are calling me "Cooter Pooter." FML
I agree, your life sucks (28064) - you deserved it (4807)
On 08/30/2010 at 2:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I walked in on my mom giving my dad head. Acting like I hadn't seen anything, I asked if I could use a towel sitting on the dresser. My mom said, "No, we're going to need that one." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24864) - you deserved it (5130)
On 08/29/2010 at 11:37am - intimacy - by bkay26 - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35558) - you deserved it (9659)
On 08/22/2010 at 2:58am - kids - by Bailey - United States (Nebraska)
Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML
I agree, your life sucks (38232) - you deserved it (10977)
On 08/21/2010 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by mc_dreamy - United States (Oklahoma)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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