mrpwn

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mrpwn

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 1043
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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The rules are the rules

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Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

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mrpwn's favorite FMLs

Today, I was on a scavenger hunt. One of the things on the list was to ask a stranger to marry them. I saw an old lady in a wheel chair; I tried to make her day by asking her to marry me. She declined and attempted to run me over with her wheel chair. FML

by nickcedola40 / 04/03/2013 at 8:24pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was buying condoms at Walmart. I grabbed the XL size, and the cashier commented, "Ahh, you'll definitely need a smaller size." FML

by nottoosmall / 04/03/2013 at 12:57pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband told me to look for a honeymoon resort, since we had to cancel it last year. I looked everything up and got all excited. Just when I asked him for payment information, he said "April Fools!" April Fools was two days ago. FML

by letdown13 / 04/03/2013 at 12:50pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML

by Anonymous / 04/03/2013 at 9:32am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love

Today, I seemingly decided not to remove my foot from the pedal-clip of my bicycle until I had properly introduced myself to the cement. FML

by Anonymous / 04/03/2013 at 8:06am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was lost in a foreign city so I asked a girl for directions. She replied, "Directions? ONE DIRECTION!" and started screaming in my face and jumping around. FML

by Anonymous / 04/03/2013 at 5:17am / United States / Kids

Today, I met my boyfriend's family for the first time. We got on the subject of theatre, and his dad brought up "The Book of Mormon", how finally someone was making fun of those "nasty, polygamist, cultist freaks", and if his son ever dated one, he would disown him. I'm Mormon. FML

by kenabrookee / 04/03/2013 at 1:48am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my cousin is visiting from Oklahoma. He can't go a minute without saying "YOLO" or "Swag". He's going to be here for a week. FML

by fuck YOLO / 04/03/2013 at 1:20am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my older brother walked in on me while I was wearing nothing but a bra, panties, pantyhose, and high heels. I'm his little brother. FML

by SayCheese / 04/02/2013 at 6:52pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, the Chinese student I've been teaching English to got on stage in front of hundreds of people to read her final essay. She ended with, "What a fucking day." I don't swear, and I no longer have a job. FML

by effiestonem154 / 04/02/2013 at 5:14pm / United States / Work

Today, a girl punched me square in the face, effectively leaving it with purple swellings because I called her boyfriend an "uncle". Said boyfriend IS my uncle. FML

Today, I had to clean up the urine puddle left by one of the regulars who plays the poker slot machines at the bar where I work. Rather than reserve the machine to go to the bathroom, she literally sits in her own piss to mark her territory. This happens about every second day. FML

by ak_6694 / 04/02/2013 at 9:34am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got served paperwork stating that my ex-fiancée is suing me again for child support. About 7 years ago, I proved via DNA testing within the court system that I was not the father the first time. I see a talk show in my future. FML

by haku4u / 04/01/2013 at 7:18pm / United States (Florida) / Money

Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML

by Marco / 04/01/2013 at 5:00pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I got a letter from Yale law school saying I got a 4 year full scholarship. I called my dad crying and read the whole thing... even the bottom, which said, "April fools! Love mom and dad." FML

by madiison09 / 04/01/2013 at 1:46pm / United States / Miscellaneous