mrjohnz

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mrjohnz

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 546
  • Number of comments : 28
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 16 posted

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mrjohnz's page activity

Visits<b>FaguIous</b> - the 05/17/2015 at 9:56pm<b>dancingqueenj</b> - the 02/20/2015 at 5:14pm<b>fmlnousername</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 11:03pm<b>mastermindpwny</b> - the 06/21/2014 at 11:37pm<b>iammeorami</b> - the 02/19/2013 at 12:49am<b>DERPFACE</b> - the 07/03/2011 at 11:00am<b></b> - the 01/11/2011 at 12:24pm<b>lickmyjock</b> - the 02/24/2010 at 6:10am<b>perdix</b> - the 02/03/2010 at 10:48pm

mrjohnz's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

mrjohnz's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to use my butthole to negotiate with my husband so I can get a new tattoo. FML

by H8TR / 08/26/2010 at 9:32am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML

by Bailey / 08/22/2010 at 2:58am / United States (Nebraska) / Kids

Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML

by mc_dreamy / 08/21/2010 at 12:49pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy

Today, I texted my Dad to tell him I'm staying at my boyfriend's house and won't be home. Since I had predictive text on, my phone didn't quite get the word 'home' - the message I sent said, 'I'm staying at Will's, I'll not be good tonight.' FML

by embarrassed / 12/20/2009 at 7:26pm / United Kingdom (Belfast) / Love

Today, I got an email. It said "Everyone hates you. We voted." FML

by JustAnotherTina / 12/02/2009 at 10:26am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I hit a deer. The worst part? Papa deer saw me hit mama deer, and proceded to ram into my car. FML

by Anonymous / 11/26/2009 at 2:11pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Transportation

Today, I took the bus to work. I was exhausted and had a big mug of coffee. Half asleep and thinking I was in my car, I reached forward to put it in the "cup holder" during the ride. When I let go, I poured hot coffee not only all over myself, but also on the large, angry-looking man next to me. FML

by Spiller / 11/17/2009 at 10:32am / United States (Ohio) / Transportation

Today, I had the good fortune of finding a seat on the bus, not the norm in Peru. Several minutes after sitting down, I felt something on my shoulder. Thinking it was a hand, I turned my head to look. I came face to face with a dirty man's crotch, it was his erection resting on my shoulder. FML

by gringa_Peru / 04/17/2009 at 9:19pm / Peru (Lima) / Intimacy

Today, though I'm normally unperturbed by my single-ness, I walked by some squirrels engaged in mating rituals and felt a pang of jealousy. FML

by murphy / 02/02/2009 at 5:49am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I was teaching a class but kids were chatting. After 3 soap box speeches about "The next person who talks gets a note to take home," one kid looked right at me and went "meow". FML

by Liz / 01/09/2009 at 3:54am / Kids