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Beginner
You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
Consolation prize
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
Today, I found out exactly what Ducolax stool softener is all about. Holy colon cleanse Batman! FML
I agree, your life sucks (3756) - you deserved it (13749)
On 03/03/2010 at 11:34am - health - by Username - Sent from mobile version
Today, I was working at Publix ringing up some 70 year old woman. She says "Man, you're a fast cashier, I like my men fast!" and then gives me a wink. I got really nervous and didn't know how to respond, so not thinking, I quickly said, "Yeah, me too." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17615) - you deserved it (4991)
On 02/22/2010 at 8:29pm - work - by Patrick (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was sitting down in a store when a stroller stopped by me. While the parents were fixing the strap, the baby looked at me, gasped, looked at me again, gasped, and then screamed. Ten minutes later, another baby looked at me and screamed. My face scares babies. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21985) - you deserved it (2569)
On 02/20/2010 at 7:03pm - kids - by Scaryman (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I grounded my daughter for putting play doh in the toaster. She's 17 and got into Columbia early admissions. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18650) - you deserved it (3412)
On 02/19/2010 at 1:18am - misc - by grrrrrr (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was at work and talking to my boss. Out of habit, I tried to adjust my bra strap and pull it up. My hand slipped off the strap and I punched myself in the face resulting in a fat lip. My boss snorted. He told everyone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11477) - you deserved it (6516)
On 02/17/2010 at 10:18pm - work - by E (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my sister won a bet. She bet my best friend a burrito that I wouldn't lose my virginity within a year. I am twenty and have to drive my friend to Del Taco so he can buy my sister her victory burrito cause I didn't get laid. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10298) - you deserved it (2511)
On 01/14/2010 at 10:47am - intimacy - by Jaayoung23 - Sent from mobile version
Today, some drunk dude broke into my house while my parents were out. Scared, I asked him what he wanted, his response was "cookies." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25132) - you deserved it (2334)
On 01/10/2010 at 8:10pm - misc - by wowhoopla - Sent from mobile version
Today, my pet hedgehog thought it would be funny to roll around in the kitty litter. It was like washing a poopy cactus. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18834) - you deserved it (2958)
On 01/08/2010 at 1:23am - misc - by StinkyCactus (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was on a long-haul plane journey home from my holiday. After 5 hours, I decided to stretch my arms whilst watching a movie. Little did I know that a little girl was approaching, running down the aisle as my arm stretched out. I accidentally clothes-lined a little 9 year old girl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19421) - you deserved it (2449)
On 01/07/2010 at 7:25pm - misc - by James4929 (man) - United Kingdom
Today, I had one more gift to buy: a copy of 'Fight Club'. I asked a person working at Best Buy if they had any in stock. The man wouldn't sell me the last copy because I had broken the first two rules. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18853) - you deserved it (8710)
On 12/24/2009 at 3:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, while at work, I was picking up paper in the bathroom. In one stall I saw what I thought was a wadded piece of the brown paper to dry your hands. It wasn't until I realized it was sticking to my bare hand that I realized it was feces. Human feces. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18830) - you deserved it (9640)
On 11/24/2009 at 8:00pm - misc - by Oddity_C - United States (Florida)
Today, I said to the pool-boy of my house: “I know what you are doing and you have to stop it.” He started shouting that I had no right to tell them what to do and that they were in love. He was referring to his relationship with my eldest son. I wanted to tell him to stop drinking my beers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45920) - you deserved it (5989)
On 07/23/2009 at 7:13am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Greece (Attiki)
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