About mordecaiandrigby : Hi, I'm an opinionated person. Although I'm usually nice, I'm pretty sarcastic. Judging my number of unconfirmed FMLs, apparently my life sucks, but not enough to get an FML confirmed.
mordecaiandrigby's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.
You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.
mordecaiandrigby's favorite FMLs
Today, a girl at my tanning salon was ranting about how expensive it was and how she wished there was a cheaper way to get a tan. I joked, "Like from the sun?" She angrily called me a "sassy bitch", screamed to my boss about me, and then threatened to sue us when he kicked her out. FML
by fuck you retail / 05/27/2013 at 4:18pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, my girlfriend decided to wake me up from a nap by kissing me. I started kissing her back passionately, when she slapped me. Apparently, kissing her back automatically without "confirming her identity" counts as cheating. FML
by Anonymous / 05/26/2013 at 8:21pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, I was in bed with my fiancé. After a while of quiet cuddling, I said, "Babe, I have cold feet." He replied with, "Me too. Let's call off the wedding." I was talking about the actual temperature of my feet. Our wedding is tomorrow. FML
by anonymous / 05/26/2013 at 8:23am / Australia / Love
Today, my girlfriend had someone else dump me via text message. I knew it wasn't her because for once I wasn't being viciously insulted, and it wasn't written as if an illiterate baboon had taken a shit all over her keypad. I can't even feel happy about being rid of her. FML
by yesguysgetabusedtoo / 05/24/2013 at 7:42pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Love
Today, a package was delivered to my house, addressed to me, clearly marked "sexual health products". Inside were condoms, birth control pills, and an invoice made out to me. My parents went ballistic and grounded me. Whoever staged this "hilarious" prank: well played, asshole. FML
by Anonymous / 05/24/2013 at 5:43pm / Iceland (Eyjafjardarsysla) / Intimacy
Today, my extremely religious father visited for a family dinner. My daughter had just one job: not to set him off on one of his easily-provoked rants. She nonetheless decided to take a photo in the middle of prayer, because she just HAD to Instagram her food. My father went apeshit. FML
by Anonymous / 05/24/2013 at 12:40pm / Brazil (Rio de Janeiro) / Kids
by seriously / 05/24/2013 at 3:04am / United States / Animals
Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time when her mother unexpectedly came home. In the rush to get dressed, we accidentally put on each other's shirts. Her mom noticed. FML
by lez probs / 05/18/2013 at 8:54am / United States / Intimacy
Today, while on an escalator, instead of just telling me my underwear label was hanging out of my jeans, a woman behind me decided to tuck the label in herself. You should never have to feel a stranger's finger on your butt crack. FML
by violatedbuttcrack / 05/16/2013 at 6:24am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I received a note from my creepy ex, whom I broke up with two years ago, saying how much he still misses me. I live over 100 miles away from him now. The note was hand-delivered to my new address. FML
by joolsie / 05/15/2013 at 7:45pm / United Kingdom / Love
by Liferuinedforever / 05/14/2013 at 3:13am / Pakistan (Sindh) / Kids
by Anonymous / 05/13/2013 at 7:51pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by lamsolonely / 05/12/2013 at 12:35am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Baikal / 05/12/2013 at 12:09am / Singapore / Miscellaneous
by tdrtnlz / 05/11/2013 at 2:25am / United Kingdom (Warwickshire) / Love
- Today, I’m a French teacher abroad, and as my beard has a huge hole near my chin, my students call… Today, I stumbled upon a slightly drunk neighbor, trying to type in the entry code with his penis.… Today, my boyfriend whispered to me, “I’m so tired of these fucking mosquitos.” When I asked why he…