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moonzombie's favorite FMLs
Today, I had a wonderful dream where I got married to the perfect guy, then had the best sex of my life on a beautiful honeymoon. The only problem is that my "husband" was the snowman from Frozen, and that I got sad when I realized it was just a dream. FML
by Anonymous / 05/16/2014 at 5:07pm / United States / Love
by dieana / 05/16/2014 at 8:16am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by Jarool / 05/12/2014 at 3:41pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/11/2014 at 8:14pm / New Zealand (Hawke's Bay) / Love
Today, I started going on and on about dogs and their different types of breed, behaviours, expectancy, etc. When someone asked me how I know all this stuff, I meant to say, "I fucking love animals", I didn't think it through and said, "I love fucking animals". FML
by Zekrome / 05/05/2014 at 3:53am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by chocochoco / 03/23/2014 at 11:40pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a music duet in front of a crowd and 3 judges. I play tuba and my partner plays the saxophone. He burst out laughing in the middle of it because one note that I played sounded like a fart. FML
by some band player / 03/09/2014 at 10:09pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by ouch / 03/02/2014 at 3:44am / United States (Iowa) / Love
by lacy / 03/01/2014 at 3:23am / United States (Kentucky) / Animals
Today, while having a sneak through my brother's browser, I found a bookmark for a Google Docs file. It was a short story involving him horrifically killing our entire family. It ended with the words: "And that is what happens when people don't respect the author's privacy." FML
by well SHIT / 02/27/2014 at 4:46pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was babysitting an 8-year-old boy. He was playing with play-doh and made a sculpture that resembled a penis. I tried to cover up and asked if it was an action figure. He looked at me like I was an idiot and said, "It's a DICK." FML
by hot sweet.... not / 02/23/2014 at 5:27pm / United Kingdom (Renfrewshire) / Kids
by dontgothere / 02/22/2014 at 11:40pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
Today, I proudly informed my grandma that I now have a girlfriend. My grandpa overheard and said how surprising that was, given how expensive blowup dolls are. He and my grandma then both laughed out loud. FML
by Anonymous / 02/15/2014 at 6:14pm / Australia (Victoria) / Love
by Anonymous / 02/13/2014 at 10:47am / United States (Missouri) / Kids
- Today, my girlfriend and I were in bed. She slipped her hand under the duvet, and I got all excited… Today, I wanted to take a nice hot relaxing bath. A wasp somehow got in, and stung me on the nuts.… Today, my husband wanted me to "spice up" our sex life. I guess he didn't count on me vomiting when…