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moonstruckwolf's FML badges
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moonstruckwolf's favorite FMLs
Today, I was having sex with this amazingly hot guy. Things got pretty intense, and right as I was about to orgasm, the gold crucifix came flying off his necklace and sliced my eyelid open. Message received. Well played, God. FML
by Sinnersinner / 09/21/2014 at 7:27am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by littleteapot / 09/04/2014 at 10:47pm / United States / Intimacy
by Degueusement / 08/18/2014 at 12:48am / Intimacy
by CapnCrunchKat / 05/09/2014 at 2:06am / United States (Delaware) / Work
Today, one of my most problematic students remained after class, whence he strongly insinuated his interest in receiving oral sex; I tried to convey just how inappropriate that was, when he interrupted, "Look, will you at least touch it?" FML
by MILF / 04/16/2014 at 6:03pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, my professor ran half a mile in the pouring rain just to return my cell phone, which I had left behind in lecture. Shocked and embarrassed, I exclaimed, "You shouldn't have!" "Damn right," he responded, "I'm 64 years old." FML
by sad but true. / 04/15/2014 at 7:18pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work
Today, I went out drinking with my tattoo artist brother-in-law. I was so wasted that I agreed to let him try working on me. I woke up with a tattoo of an animated marijuana plant smoking a cigarette. This'll look just great when I'm defending clients in court. FML
by not a dumbass pothead / 04/08/2014 at 6:04pm / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous
Today, I discovered that the laser disc player I used to have was not in fact a laser disc player but a Pioneer Laseractive. Broken ones sell on eBay for $200 and working ones sell for around $1000. I sold a working one for less than $100-worth of credit at a second-hand store. FML
by Sad Nerd / 04/02/2014 at 4:20am / United States (Arizona) / Money
by Anonymous / 03/14/2014 at 1:07am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
by vegas-81 / 02/09/2014 at 10:39pm / France / Intimacy
by idiot says pussy / 01/21/2014 at 12:43pm / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/16/2014 at 9:51pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
Today, my dad and I got royally bitched out by my mother, because she found a bill for a porn site subscription, which was paid by my dad, but made out to my name. I had no idea about any of this, but she now thinks I'm a filthy porn addict and that my dad is an enabler. FML
by Anonymous / 01/14/2014 at 3:09pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Intimacy
Today, my new neighbor asked if I could keep my dog from yapping during the evenings, because it kept him awake last night. I don't have a dog, but I apologized anyway. I didn't have the heart to admit that those are the sounds my girlfriend makes during sex. FML
by lukas / 01/10/2014 at 7:24pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I lost my virginity. We did it on the floor in my step-sister's room, and the entire time he kept pushing my head into the carpet. I lost my V-card but gained rug burn on my face that looks like a fatal disease. FML
by Anonymous / 01/04/2014 at 1:10am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…
- Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was… Today, I’m a bus driver in Paris. A guy got on with a sheep. I told him that you can’t take the bus… Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that…