About moonlightknight : I love chocolate.
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moonlightknight's favorite FMLs
Today, I asked my teacher how old he was, and jokingly I said, "50?" Then he chuckled, so I laughed and said, "I was kidding… 42, 43, 44?" He then looked at me and said, "Are you trying to guess my age, or your grade percent in this class?" FML
by IHateSchool-.- / 12/11/2014 at 6:13pm / United States / Work
by Xx_DEXIJOKER_xX / 11/11/2014 at 10:16pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work
by hellalegit / 11/07/2014 at 1:26am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I went into an exam room to do a check-up on one of my patients. I told the little girl's mother that she needed her flu shots. When the girl heard this, she took an apple out of her pocket and threw it at me. FML
by jazzie7719 / 09/28/2014 at 3:26pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
Today, my boyfriend has chipped his front teeth for the third time in 2 months. After refusing to tell me how this keeps on happening, I walked in on him throwing his phone in the air and trying to catch it in his mouth. FML
by Anonymous / 09/20/2014 at 11:03am / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, I found my husband in the bathtub, which was filled with blood-red water, motionless and staring blankly at the ceiling. I started screaming and crying, and he burst into laughter at his "hilarious" prank. He only seemed regretful that his video camera hadn't been recording properly. FML
Today, I saw someone purposely drive into someone's garbage can with their car. Trying to be nice, I stopped and started to pick it up. As I did, the owner came out of his house and chased me away with a knife. FML
by Anonymous / 09/02/2014 at 1:03pm / United States (Oregon) / Transportation
Today, I told my husband that I'm jealous of all the other girls whose husbands always take pictures of them together and post them online. He responded by posting a picture of himself, with me on the toilet in the background, captioned "The bitch on the pot." FML
by Anonymous / 08/19/2014 at 2:16pm / United States (Arizona) / Love
Today, I went to a job interview, and a guy ahead of me went to enter the building, only to walk face-first into a glass door. I rushed to help him up, and after we had a good laugh about it, I turned to walk inside, only to walk straight into the door as well. FML
by facefuckedguy / 08/12/2014 at 5:23pm / Australia (Queensland) / Health
by muffins / 08/09/2014 at 9:50am / United States (Maryland) / Work
by mamagelmane / 08/08/2014 at 12:27am / France (Lorraine) / Kids
by Lisa / 07/18/2014 at 4:21pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by mymumdidntloveme / 06/30/2014 at 11:59pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Love
Today, my son got a beating. Apparently, he went to a club, waited until he saw a couple of girls pulling a duckface for a photo, then rushed over and threw pieces of bread at them. Their boyfriends, not too surprisingly, didn't appreciate this. I had to drive the idiot home from the hospital. FML
by Anonymous / 06/27/2014 at 5:15pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
by over prtective father / 06/24/2014 at 12:35am / United States (District of Columbia) / Love
- Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick… Today, my boyfriend of 7 months broke up with me, and then asked if I'd give him head one last time… Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem,…
- Today, I decided to clean up around the house to surprise my boyfriend. When he came home, he threw… Today, in front of my brother and sister, my mother loudly proclaimed that I'm her favorite child… Today, trying to be nice, I sent a text to my mother-in-law saying that I couldn't wait to have her…