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Today, I was on a plane returning to University, and I decided to shut my eyes. I opened them about 45 minutes later just as the plane landed to find I couldn't move at all. I was in sleep paralysis. The air hostesses had to lift me out of my seat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19291) - you deserved it (1206)
On 09/27/2012 at 11:46am - health - by Dave (man) - United Kingdom
Today, I saw a dog trying to attack a man. I have experience working with aggressive dogs, so I pulled the dog off him and got it under control. The man punched me in the face for not having my dog on a leash. It wasn't my dog. I don't even own a dog. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22795) - you deserved it (1315)
On 09/27/2012 at 11:31am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my ex dropped by to pick up a piece of art he'd left when I threw him out a month ago. While here, he visited the restroom. Tonight, my shampoo smelled like urine. And he called at 11pm to say he'd ''rubbed one out'' on my new boyfriend's toothbrush. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14766) - you deserved it (5525)
On 09/27/2012 at 7:37am - misc - by red (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I'm hiding from my creepy next-door neighbor. She constantly trash-talks my partner of two years, she's mentally unstable, looks to me for support, has a raging crush on me, and she drunkenly tried to make out with me last weekend. I'm two months older than her daughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14607) - you deserved it (1042)
On 09/27/2012 at 4:19am - misc - by Creeped - United States
Today, I started a job on a building site. Halfway through, I needed to use the toilet. One of the builders said there were two of them; one was "OK" and the other was "nasty." The first one I walked into had the foulest stench imaginable. Apparently, that was the "OK" one. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13536) - you deserved it (1106)
On 09/27/2012 at 1:22am - work - by theotherotherguy (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)
Today, I injured myself in the geekiest way possible; I managed to crush my nipple while closing my laptop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14496) - you deserved it (5408) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 09/27/2012 at 12:10am - health - by Display - Sent from mobile version
Today, my girlfriend told me what turns her on: cheese. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13090) - you deserved it (1544)
Today, I walked in to my apartment to see my husband sitting there with his toes painted pink. When I asked him why, he said, "I wanted to feel pretty." This is the man who is about to be the father of my child. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11964) - you deserved it (5372)
On 09/26/2012 at 10:14pm - love - by cmc9540 (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I thought it would be funny to cut my white trash uncle's rat-tail off. He thought it would be funny to break three of my fingers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6222) - you deserved it (34874)
On 09/26/2012 at 10:14pm - misc - by umadbrosky - United States (Maryland)
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he came. This was a good thing, except when he did he started bellowing the Imperial March theme from Star Wars. When I asked him about it, all he said was, "I thought you'd like it." FML
I agree, your life sucks (14033) - you deserved it (2283)
On 09/26/2012 at 6:54pm - intimacy - by wickedbeauty333 (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18962) - you deserved it (1450)
On 09/26/2012 at 4:27pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my boyfriend excitedly showed me his new juicer, and used up all the fruit in the house making new concoctions. It was adorable until later on, in the middle of getting frisky, he asked if we could go to the grocery store to buy more fruit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15697) - you deserved it (1742)
On 09/26/2012 at 2:46pm - intimacy - by Juiced (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, some kid decided to pee in the kids' play area at work. Because I was the shortest employee working at the time, I got to climb through the area to mop it up, while all the kids pointed and laughed at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13287) - you deserved it (944)
On 09/26/2012 at 1:37pm - work - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I had to finally come to terms with the fact that I am obese when the doctor told me that my weird smell was not an infection but mold growing between my fat rolls. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4925) - you deserved it (3209)
On 09/26/2012 at 10:23am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada
Today, at work, I saw a van in our car park with "Hurlz Wagon" painted on its side. Laughing, I told the customer who owned it that I loved the name, and I asked was there a funny vomit story behind it. She didn't laugh, and told me it was her family name. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11035) - you deserved it (6945)
On 09/26/2012 at 7:40am - work - by big mouth (woman) - New Zealand (Wellington)
Monday 17 June 2013
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