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Offline (the 03/27/2015 at 2:22pm) | Search for a member
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You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML
Today, my best friend confessed to having feelings for me. I've been in love with her for a long time, so I was ecstatic. She doesn't see herself ever going out with me, though, because she's a couple of inches taller and can't imagine herself "towering" over her man. FML
Today, it was my first day working as a pharmacist. I quickly discovered that customers not only think that it makes me qualified to offer free medical advice, but they also have no qualms about showing me their various lumps, bumps, and vaginal leakages. FML
Today, when I dropped my 6-year-old daughter off at school, a little boy ran up to her so I asked his name. My daughter explained: "Oh, don't pay any attention to him, he's my slave. He's come to carry my bag. See you later, mom!" FML
Today, after months of job hunting, I finally got a phone call. They were impressed with me. That's when my son decided to throw a tantrum asking for food. After some silence, the caller told me they were looking for someone who wasn't juggling little kids at home and hung up. My son is 20. FML
Today, my brother wore a T-shirt to my birthday party that said "I dig skinny chicks". I'm a recovering anorexic and told him that I didn't really like his shirt. His response? "Don't let the liberal media brainwash you into thinking it's OK to be fat." FML
Today, I came home from a crazy costume party and took a hot shower. When I opened my eyes and saw the water running from my head was bloody, I freaked out and called my friend for help. She had to remind me that for the party, I'd coloured my hair red with washable hair dye. FML
Today, I accidentally ate a cat treat instead of a cinnamon glazed pecan. I thought it must have been burnt by the way it tasted, so ate a few more before I figured out my mistake and spat them out. FML
Friday 27 March 2015