monstermatt001

Search for a member

Offline (the 02/16/2016 at 6:19am)

monstermatt001

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1038
  • Number of comments : 32
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in their description.

monstermatt001's page activity

Visits<b>Bootybot47</b> - the 02/01/2016 at 1:20pm<b>chuchusheep</b> - the 09/25/2015 at 10:14am<b>FancyKnightMan</b> - the 03/14/2015 at 3:25pm<b>feetlvr</b> - the 02/08/2015 at 2:16pm<b>isabellasimone</b> - the 11/29/2014 at 8:03am<b>randompizzaguy</b> - the 11/13/2014 at 9:21pm<b>Larissa24</b> - the 11/13/2014 at 5:45pm<b>kitcat517</b> - the 11/11/2014 at 9:30pm<b>cherrio27</b> - the 10/30/2014 at 11:27pm<b>marcranger</b> - the 10/12/2014 at 10:20pm<b>Jessj958</b> - the 10/12/2014 at 8:32pm<b>Wingman527</b> - the 09/22/2014 at 1:31pm<b>Rodville</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 7:57am<b>Lesser</b> - the 08/22/2014 at 2:46am<b>dulchi</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 3:52pm<b>jullestrann</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 2:15pm<b>jbdemon</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 1:36pm<b>SirAnon</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 10:04am

Fucked!<b>chuchusheep</b> - the 09/25/2015 at 4:14pm

monstermatt001's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

See all of monstermatt001's badges

monstermatt001's favorite FMLs

Today, I told my grandma my boyfriend had cheated on me. She told me that it was my fault for not straightening my hair, and for gaining a few pounds. FML

by anon / 09/25/2015 at 12:43am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, my cat still loves me too much. He schedules his dumps for when I'm doing my makeup in the bathroom so he can stay with me. I either have to suffer the noxious odor or be late for work. This is a daily thing. FML

Today, I got an angry call from my 7-year-old son's school. It turned out that while doing a "what I want to be when I'm older" assignment, he wrote that he wants to be an internet troll so he can make people mad and make them kill themselves. FML

by Anonymous / 09/23/2015 at 11:48am / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

Today, my dad was telling me some childhood stories. He mentioned I once started sucking on a cow's udder when I was 2, and I asked why didn't he stop me. His response: "You were an accident and I wasn't good at the parenting thing". FML

by gotmilk? / 09/22/2015 at 9:41am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML

by Gassy / 09/21/2015 at 10:45am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was talking to a colleague about love. He told me he's given up on love because things ended badly with a previous girl. I said, "Maybe it wasn't meant to be, and she wasn't the one." He then said the reason it didn't work out was because she killed herself. FML

by Anonymous / 08/20/2015 at 8:37am / Portugal (Lisboa) / Miscellaneous

Today, I ran into the woman who hit my car and drove off three days ago. She was my bank teller. I called 911; she pressed the silent alarm. Guess whose story the cops believed. FML

by yupthissucks / 04/13/2015 at 5:00am / United States (Georgia) / Transportation

Today, I had to explain to my rabidly religious brother how two transvestites can buy fish at Petco while he's buying the same fish at the same Petco, and it doesn't equate to hitting on him. It's been two hours, and he's still sitting outside my door reading Bible verses and praying aggressively. FML

by mademoiselle meurtre / 04/12/2015 at 10:51pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, for the first time in my life, a girl showed interest in me. She sent me a text message saying she wanted to come over and fuck my brains out. This would've made me the happiest guy alive, if only she weren't my extremely drunk sister. FML

by Anonymous / 04/11/2015 at 4:55pm / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, I got headbutted for saying that Nutella is overrated. FML

by jamisbetter / 04/11/2015 at 8:34am / United Kingdom / Health

Today, I found out that my family and friends all laugh and compare me to Spongebob behind my back. Why? Because I'm 37 and still can't pass my driver's test. FML

by Anonymous / 04/11/2015 at 3:56am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I bought a garden gnome to spice up my lawn. Tonight, someone threw it right through my living room window. Not only will the repairs cost a ton, my neighbor keeps saying stupid shit to me, like "You must be shattered" and "Looks like you ain't got a window gnome... more." FML

by dickhead / 04/10/2015 at 6:17pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I managed to get my 4-year-old son to agree that, "cigarettes are poop." I was a lot less proud of myself when he pointed at a 6-foot bodybuilder-type dude in the subway and yelled, "That man smells of pooooooop." FML

by Insanity / 04/09/2015 at 1:28am / France (Centre) / Kids

Today, at a mind-numbingly boring support session, everyone was talking about their hardships. One guy was talking about losing his leg in a car accident. I was half-asleep and asked without thinking, "Did you ever find it?" I almost shat my pants at the roomful of death glares that followed. FML

by S to the HIT / 04/08/2015 at 12:08pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, after pulling an all-nighter studying for an exam, I caught the bus to college. On the way there, the bus decided to make sweet love to a taxi, creating a pile-up and a traffic jam. I didn't make it to the exam in time. FML

by rUs7up1d / 04/08/2015 at 10:43am / Guatemala (Guatemala) / Transportation